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Gah, what a week. AC in our server room failed sometime around noon on Friday but no one in the office noticed (Despite the horrific grinding noise in the vents in the ceiling) until I came in. So by the time I get to work and go check on the servers I open the door and walk into a sauna. It's a balmy 29 degrees. ><
Course we can't get it fixed on the long weekend so I have to jury rig every fan I can find, open the doors, etc to try and cool the room down.
Then I go in last night and what they did was turn the AC on the rest of the floor to 0, open the server room doors and try and fan in cold air. So now its a balmy 23 degrees in the server room and about 4 degrees in the rest of the office. So everyone has to wear coats and your fingers are too cold to type.
An Ode to Granville Street
To the hobo with the guitar at Granville.
You're actually not half bad.
But for some reason you appear to be trying to lick the guitar while you play.
This disturbed yet intrigued me.
When I solve the mystery perhaps I'll give you some change.
To the panhandler singing opera on the corner.
Apparently, I inadvertently insulted you when I yawned.
You demanded to know how I could sleep through your singing.
I'm sorry your "cat being reamed by a hot poker" vocals couldn't rouse me.
To the panhandler shaking a cup like a psychotic by London Drugs.
I assume you wanted change. But I'm not quite sure.
I didn't quite catch what it was you said.
But I'm sure the fate of the very universe rests upon it.
To the guy in front of me that irrationally smelled like cookies.
I have no idea how or why the hell you smell like cookies.
But if you could please take a left and walk before me all the way to Richards St.
That would be awesome.
To the keys I found on the steps downstairs.
I don't know who you belong to.
But if given enough time together after work to scour the block.
I may end up with a new car. Sweet.
( On a side note I did find some keys on the steps downstairs. They're in my desk drawer if anyone comes looking for em. )
I Hate it when they Say this
( 4am... )
SC: "I was on your website-"
Stop. Just, stop. Don't go any further. You've already flagged yourself as an idiot, there's no sense in incriminating yourself any further. You have the right to remain silent ( Though I doubt you have the ability. ) Anything you say can and will be used to mock your existence at a later date.
All Better
SC: "Uh, yeah I had like a headache cus I was hungover."
Me: "….."
SC: "But its all better now."
Because you're drunk again? Congratulations. This drunken paint licker proceeded to call back several times over the course of the evening to inform us of absolutely nothing of any merit. To be exact he informed us that Dr <clientname> was his best friend in the whole world since he was 12. Oh, and Dr <clientname> pulled out his teeth and he just wanted <clientname> to know that they don't hurt. But he soon failed in passing along even those simple messages. By the last couple calls he wasn't even sure where he was calling. He was just calling. In fact he seemed surprised to find himself on the phone with me.
I surmise perhaps he somehow locked himself in a phone booth or something. In a phone booth with a flat of Budweiser and 3 bottles of Jack Daniels. He specifically identified it as Jack Daniels too so its I'm taking a wild guess here. In fact I believe he requested more Jack Daniels from me if at all possible.
Sadly I failed to deliver. But thats ok he assures me he's still by buddy anyway.
Flawed Logic
SC: "I'm going to put you on speaker phone. If you don't hear me then talk louder."
….I believe I see a flaw in your logic. You were close, but close only counts with horseshoes and hand grenades. Still, you are on the right track so I suppose you should get a consolation prize. So here's half a peanut butter cookie I found behind the water cooler in the break room. It's been…..aged, much like a fine wine. However, I highly doubt the process has increased its sale price.
Think of the green bits as sprinkles.
Why?
SC: "I'm looking for such and such but he's not there is he."
Me: "No, no he's not."
SC: "Ok, bye."
Soooo……..why the flippin sam heck butterscotch knappysack Hell did you call anyway? No really, why? Explain yourself. Use a spreadsheet or a Power Point presentation if you have to. In fact, hey, tell you what: I'll give you $10 and half an hour to go get whatever you need to prepare and then get together a presentation. Yep, go ahead, that's for you. Get yourself some crayons or construction paper or a hit of meth or whatever it is you need to get ready.
I'll be waiting right here.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
You know I listened to one of the employees that called in for a good 5 minutes and I swear to god the only thing I caught was "the raccoon was wet". I have no idea what she was talking about. But I did catch that much. The raccoon is wet.
I tried questioning her about the state of the raccoon but she merely insisted the raccoon was wet and possibly "cracked". Maybe its code or something. Perhaps I'm suppose to signal the rebels to attack now.
No.
( Caller is booking herself at a hotel for a rate of $39 )
SC: "Do they have a pool?"
For $39 you're lucky they even have a roof. Hell, if you make it there alive, consider yourself blessed. You may wake up tomorrow and find yourself in a crate, on a boat, heading towards your new career as a cashew farmer.
But not all hope is lost. If you can manage to escape, join up with the rebels. They can hide you.
Meh...suck week. ><
Course we can't get it fixed on the long weekend so I have to jury rig every fan I can find, open the doors, etc to try and cool the room down.
Then I go in last night and what they did was turn the AC on the rest of the floor to 0, open the server room doors and try and fan in cold air. So now its a balmy 23 degrees in the server room and about 4 degrees in the rest of the office. So everyone has to wear coats and your fingers are too cold to type.
An Ode to Granville Street
To the hobo with the guitar at Granville.
You're actually not half bad.
But for some reason you appear to be trying to lick the guitar while you play.
This disturbed yet intrigued me.
When I solve the mystery perhaps I'll give you some change.
To the panhandler singing opera on the corner.
Apparently, I inadvertently insulted you when I yawned.
You demanded to know how I could sleep through your singing.
I'm sorry your "cat being reamed by a hot poker" vocals couldn't rouse me.
To the panhandler shaking a cup like a psychotic by London Drugs.
I assume you wanted change. But I'm not quite sure.
I didn't quite catch what it was you said.
But I'm sure the fate of the very universe rests upon it.
To the guy in front of me that irrationally smelled like cookies.
I have no idea how or why the hell you smell like cookies.
But if you could please take a left and walk before me all the way to Richards St.
That would be awesome.
To the keys I found on the steps downstairs.
I don't know who you belong to.
But if given enough time together after work to scour the block.
I may end up with a new car. Sweet.
( On a side note I did find some keys on the steps downstairs. They're in my desk drawer if anyone comes looking for em. )
I Hate it when they Say this
( 4am... )
SC: "I was on your website-"
Stop. Just, stop. Don't go any further. You've already flagged yourself as an idiot, there's no sense in incriminating yourself any further. You have the right to remain silent ( Though I doubt you have the ability. ) Anything you say can and will be used to mock your existence at a later date.
All Better
SC: "Uh, yeah I had like a headache cus I was hungover."
Me: "….."
SC: "But its all better now."
Because you're drunk again? Congratulations. This drunken paint licker proceeded to call back several times over the course of the evening to inform us of absolutely nothing of any merit. To be exact he informed us that Dr <clientname> was his best friend in the whole world since he was 12. Oh, and Dr <clientname> pulled out his teeth and he just wanted <clientname> to know that they don't hurt. But he soon failed in passing along even those simple messages. By the last couple calls he wasn't even sure where he was calling. He was just calling. In fact he seemed surprised to find himself on the phone with me.
I surmise perhaps he somehow locked himself in a phone booth or something. In a phone booth with a flat of Budweiser and 3 bottles of Jack Daniels. He specifically identified it as Jack Daniels too so its I'm taking a wild guess here. In fact I believe he requested more Jack Daniels from me if at all possible.
Sadly I failed to deliver. But thats ok he assures me he's still by buddy anyway.
Flawed Logic
SC: "I'm going to put you on speaker phone. If you don't hear me then talk louder."
….I believe I see a flaw in your logic. You were close, but close only counts with horseshoes and hand grenades. Still, you are on the right track so I suppose you should get a consolation prize. So here's half a peanut butter cookie I found behind the water cooler in the break room. It's been…..aged, much like a fine wine. However, I highly doubt the process has increased its sale price.
Think of the green bits as sprinkles.
Why?
SC: "I'm looking for such and such but he's not there is he."
Me: "No, no he's not."
SC: "Ok, bye."
Soooo……..why the flippin sam heck butterscotch knappysack Hell did you call anyway? No really, why? Explain yourself. Use a spreadsheet or a Power Point presentation if you have to. In fact, hey, tell you what: I'll give you $10 and half an hour to go get whatever you need to prepare and then get together a presentation. Yep, go ahead, that's for you. Get yourself some crayons or construction paper or a hit of meth or whatever it is you need to get ready.
I'll be waiting right here.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
You know I listened to one of the employees that called in for a good 5 minutes and I swear to god the only thing I caught was "the raccoon was wet". I have no idea what she was talking about. But I did catch that much. The raccoon is wet.
I tried questioning her about the state of the raccoon but she merely insisted the raccoon was wet and possibly "cracked". Maybe its code or something. Perhaps I'm suppose to signal the rebels to attack now.
No.
( Caller is booking herself at a hotel for a rate of $39 )
SC: "Do they have a pool?"
For $39 you're lucky they even have a roof. Hell, if you make it there alive, consider yourself blessed. You may wake up tomorrow and find yourself in a crate, on a boat, heading towards your new career as a cashew farmer.
But not all hope is lost. If you can manage to escape, join up with the rebels. They can hide you.
Meh...suck week. ><
I enjoyed your ode to Granville Street. Why don't I ever get to meet the interesting pan handlers?
Ummmmmm......the wild animal reference I've always used is......ummmm....."Beaver"! 
wait, you can get a hit of meth for ten bucks? 
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