Excuse me, where is the water pool?

[Mastshade]

So I work at rather large (25 yards by 50 meters) indoor swimming pool, and was standing on the deck about 18 inch. from the water when this little exchanged happened.

SC: Sucky/Stupid Customer
Me:soon to be stupider lifeguard

SC:"Excuse me, where is the water pool?"
Me:I can't have heard that right...."I'm sorry, what was that?"
SC:"Where is the water pool?"
Me:Wha.........???*points to my left*"The swimming pool?"
SC:"Oh, where's the shallow end?"
Me:*slowly looks over my shoulder at the diving boards not 30 feet away...*
Me:*points at the shallow water aerobic class going on on the other end of the pool* "Over there......."
SC:"OK, Thank you"*wanders off*
My brain:

It could honestly feel my brain power being sucked out of my skull and into the black hole of stupidity in front of me. If it had been any less stupid I would have probably made some wise ass remark, but as it was it was all I could do to remember how to speak.

Upon hearing the story, my brother had the perfect comeback.
"Oh I'm sorry, we don't have one of those, but the dihydrogen-monoxide pool is right over there."

[RogueThinker]

Beamed down from space

They're breeding or something, aren't they?

I say that because I worked at a museum, and due to construction the rception/recieving area was in a little pre-fab trailer outside the front of the museum, between the museum and the parking lot.

At least twice, I had people come into my office and ask where the parking lot was. The parking lot. You know, the one they walked through to reach me. Black tar and bright yellow aren't that hard to see are they? Don't the other cars parked there give a clue that it isn't a large outdoor modern art piece? Unless you were beamed down by a large Scottish man, how the hell did you miss it?

One person also asked me if "this" (meaning the pre-fab trailer I worked in) was the museum. Uh, no. The nice glass and concrete building you walked by to reach me? Try there. Maybe.

[HawaiianShirts]

We get those questions, too.
SC: Where are your laptops?
Me: Turn around.

SC: (While playing a game on our PS3 demo) Is this the Playstation 3?
Me: Yes.
SC: Is this (name of video game he's playing)?
Me: Yes.

(Right outside the breakroom and restrooms, to get to which one must walk through the Home Theater section, past a series of TVs and DVD players)
SC: (Enunciating very slowly, as if I don't speak English) I'm looking for TVs. Tee... Vees.
Me: Tube TVs are this aisle and two more to your right, LCDs and Plasmas are two aisles to your left, past the DVD players.
SC: Those are the Tee Vee sections?
Me: Yes, sir.
SC: Thank... you... (turns and walks PAST THE TVS and into the cell phone department, looking around as if trying to find the tee vees.)

And these stories remind me of customers on the phone who ask, "What's your phone number?"

I had my grandma do that to me when I was about 14. I just chalked it up to her being old and forgetful (she used to run through a set of about five names before she got mine right, most of which were other grandsons, though she threw an occasional Richard into the mix, and there are NO Richards in our family). Our conversation that day went like this:

G'ma: Can you tell me your phone number?
Me: Grandma, you just dialed it. You know my phone number.
G'ma: I know how to dial it, but I forgot the numbers, and I need to write it down.

But then I have that same conversation with customers who call the store and are not old enough to qualify for "old and forgetful" forgiveness.

Caller: Can you just tell me your phone number?
Me: My phone number?
Caller: Yes, the number to your store there.
Me: You mean the one you just dialed to talk to me?
Caller: (in all seriousness) Yes.

Or the Pop Quiz customer after asking me some normal question about my stock of networking equipment...

Caller: Oh, by the way, can you tell me what page of the phone book you're on?
Me: I'm sorry, I don't know that, sir. I know we're listed under computer sales and TV sales.
Caller: Yes, but what page number? I don't want to spend another ten minutes looking it up again if I have more questions.
Me: I don't know the page number. I don't have the phone book in front of me. And there are about a dozen phone books for this area, and they could all have us on different pages.
Caller: So you're telling me you won't help me. You're saying I'll just have to look it up again myself if I want to call you back.
Me: Or you could just hit the redial button. Or I could give you our number, and you could write it down and an easy-to-find place.
Caller: No, I just want the page number in the phone book. Let me talk to your manager. I'm sure HE knows.
Me: As you wish, sir. (And I happily transfer him to Sara, the Manager on Duty.)

That was longer than I thought it would be...
Sorry for the threadjack.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

I think the medical term is logicExplodus Brainitis.

It's a thick mix of Stupid and DUH sprinkled with Ican'tbelievethisshit.

The question is so stupid, and the answer is so obvious, it will fry your ability to think properly for the next five minutes.

Mine was "Are there any sunflower seeds in the sunflower seeds bread?"

Other runner ups are

*bangs basket in the Vachon Logs, places logs back, walk down to the bakery* "Where are the Vachon logs?"

and

*walks up and down the giant wall of beer fridge 3 times* "Where's your beer?"

As for the OP, let the SC in the water pool, but don't let it near the Gene pool.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

A few from my store:

Woman (standing in front of the maxi pads): Where are the maxi pads?



Woman: (holds up a CD) Is this a CD?


Man: Where are your left-handed screwdrivers? (I don't think he was kidding)

[marlovino]

<Snip>.......Upon hearing the story, my brother had the perfect comeback.
"Oh I'm sorry, we don't have one of those, but the dihydrogen-monoxide pool is right over there."

Good one! That should blow out the pilot light in his/her head.




p.s. my brain made a break for it after reading this....

[HappyCthulhu]

[Kara]

Man: Where are your left-handed screwdrivers? (I don't think he was kidding)

You should have told him to try the Leftorium.

[MrSunshineState]

I have to admit, when I first read the title of this post, I assumed the customer was looking for that small pool that you are supposed to wash your feet in before going to the main pool.

[georgiab]

ummm..maybe she meant wading pool......ya know the shallow pool where all the old floks go!!!

[georgiab]

ummm..maybe she meant wading pool......ya know the shallow pool where all the old folks go!!!

[AFpheonix]

From my store:
"Where are the batteries?" - next to the front door that you walked in through, under a giant sign that says "BATTERIES".
Why would people come back by the pharmacy to ask where batteries are, anyways? Batteries =/= pills.

After directing people to get to the bathroom, quite a few motor up to the locked pharmacy door. It has glass in it, it very obviously does not lead to any commodes, plus it has a sign on it that reads something to the effect "restricted to authorized personnel only! blah blah blah! some law statute of some kind."
Madame, does your bathroom door at home have glass in it? Because if it does, remind me to NEVER visit your residence.