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So this dude, Frankie, I'll call him, calls up. And I know I'm gonna be on the phone for at least 15 minutes. Frankie calls and will give you the history of his life, the universe, and everything if you let him. You have to interrupt and keep him on track. Also, he doesn't actually come to our library. Normally, I have no problem answering anyone's questions--they don't have to be a patron--but Frankie's been pawned off on us from Big 'Brary, where they absolutely refuse to help him. Probably because he can spout a lot of ignorant offensive crap (see below) and because if you're not 'helping' him in the way he wants, he gets belligerent. So instead of placing holds with Big 'Brary, where he actually picks up his items, he places them with us and we make the holds to be sent to Big 'Brary. Fine, fine. And instead of calling their Reference desk to get obscure phone numbers (Christian physicians and the Amish in PA are the two most memorable recent requests), he calls us. Fine. Whatever.
I figured this phone call would be more of the same, since I've dealt with him a lot recently.
Wrong!
Today's theme was: Jewish history. Blood libel.
Today's phone time was: 32 minutes.
Today's offensive comments: lost count. I had to put him on hold multiple times to screw up my face in fury and frustration.
Frankie: ramble, ramble ramble, Judaism, ramble, I'm a Christian and I want to learn about Judaism. ramble. ramble. ramble.
Me: Ooookay, could we narrow this down? [paraphrasing, alas, as you must handle Frankie with kid gloves]
Frankie: Do you want me to repeat myself? [testy voice!]
Me: [use of hold button the first! gah! finds some books on Judaism of the Idiot's Guide ilk but without that term since I know he'd flip his shit if I mention it. He's a <i>researcher</i>]
Me: Okay, I've found some books, would you like the titles so you can tell me which ones you'd like?
Frankie: incoherent ramble about coworker 'Cheri' who helped him last week and had titles for him.
Me: We don't have a Cheri. How about those books I found? Can I at least read you one title before you ramble again?
Frankie: RAMBLE RAMBLE you don't have a Cheri? Tell me who helped me!
Me: Number of staff > 2. Number of staff > 10. No can do. Also, waaaay too creepy listing off people's names. And we've got like 3 hard 'C' names (mind included), 4 that end in 'i' or 'y', one with the 'sh' sound, and one with the 'ry' sound. So, no.
Frankie: GRUMBLE ramble ramble.
Me: Books? I haz. You wants?
Frankie: I want books on Jewish history. Cheri found me books on Jewish history about the people who really run our country ever since the Native Indians and the murdering people who came over from Europe.
Me: I'm sorry, and you wanted <i>Jewish</i> history books?
Frankie: Yes [testy voice!]! I'm a Christian man and I research things I read books you know and I want to know--
Me: [interrupting librarian who?]: It's just that what you were describing doesn't fit with what I know about Judaism. But I do have some--
Frankie: Oh, are you Jewish?
Me: No, I'm not.
Frankie: Oh, but you have knowledge?
Me: [eyeroll] Yes.
Frankie: most horrific ramble about blood libel. . . don't you know that he read in a book that talked about how the Jews in Europe used to sacrifice--that means kill--their children and then when they ran out (of children??) they used Christian children and sacrifice--and that means kill, you know--them in their rituals.
Me: [horrified use of the hold button the second]
Me: Okay, so I've got some history books that go from XXX through medieval Europe and to present day--
Frankie: [asks for book details]
Me: [gives book details, relieved to be off that topic]
Frankie: ramble ramble ramble book on modern Judaism? ramble ramble
Me: [starts to list title]
Frankie: ramble ramble when was that book written diatribe on how religions are covering things up
Me: [??] 2012. Pretty new. Did you want new books or old books?
Frankie: Old. And new! And one in between.
Me: [?] So the one I found covers history from XXX to modern times . . .?
Frankie: Good! Now one that's 50 years old. Because religions are changing things. Hiding them. So that the bad things are swept under the rug. Because religions are manmade you know. God didn't make religion. Jesus didn't make religion. Religion is manmade and I read that the Jewish people would sacrifice--that means kill--children.
Me: That is not consistent with what I know about Judaism.
Frankie: I study religions, but I don't know about Judaism. I study religions, it's what I do. I read books and articles and watch movies and I read it in a book about how the Russians survived the Black Plague using Penicillin in the form of raw garlic so its true.
Me:
It's possible that was a biased source.
Frankie:[lists why its facts about the Russians surviving the plauge with raw garlic make blood libel true]
Me: [can we talk about something else?] Soooo, how about this old book from 1937 on Judaism, does that work?
Frankie: ramble ramble Italian mafia, Russia mafia, Jewish mafia, Polish mafia ramble ramb--
Me: So, I've ordered you Jewish History 2012, Jewish History 1937 and I'll find you a nice one about modern practices, mmmkay?
Frankie: You've been so helpful! Thank you and God Bless.
Me: GDIAF. I mean, you too.
Amazingly the actual conversation was much longer and included rants about the 'Poison Pen' letters he's gotten from Big 'Brary and how they won't help him and how he likes our director because she sent him a letter that identified herself as a Christian and sounded like he was being persecuted because he's Christian and it was so brave our director to out herself as a Christian, too, and he's so much more comfortable calling us because of that and he's a good Christian ad nauseaum.
I figured this phone call would be more of the same, since I've dealt with him a lot recently.
Wrong!
Today's theme was: Jewish history. Blood libel.
Today's phone time was: 32 minutes.
Today's offensive comments: lost count. I had to put him on hold multiple times to screw up my face in fury and frustration.
Frankie: ramble, ramble ramble, Judaism, ramble, I'm a Christian and I want to learn about Judaism. ramble. ramble. ramble.
Me: Ooookay, could we narrow this down? [paraphrasing, alas, as you must handle Frankie with kid gloves]
Frankie: Do you want me to repeat myself? [testy voice!]
Me: [use of hold button the first! gah! finds some books on Judaism of the Idiot's Guide ilk but without that term since I know he'd flip his shit if I mention it. He's a <i>researcher</i>]
Me: Okay, I've found some books, would you like the titles so you can tell me which ones you'd like?
Frankie: incoherent ramble about coworker 'Cheri' who helped him last week and had titles for him.
Me: We don't have a Cheri. How about those books I found? Can I at least read you one title before you ramble again?
Frankie: RAMBLE RAMBLE you don't have a Cheri? Tell me who helped me!
Me: Number of staff > 2. Number of staff > 10. No can do. Also, waaaay too creepy listing off people's names. And we've got like 3 hard 'C' names (mind included), 4 that end in 'i' or 'y', one with the 'sh' sound, and one with the 'ry' sound. So, no.
Frankie: GRUMBLE ramble ramble.
Me: Books? I haz. You wants?
Frankie: I want books on Jewish history. Cheri found me books on Jewish history about the people who really run our country ever since the Native Indians and the murdering people who came over from Europe.
Me: I'm sorry, and you wanted <i>Jewish</i> history books?
Frankie: Yes [testy voice!]! I'm a Christian man and I research things I read books you know and I want to know--
Me: [interrupting librarian who?]: It's just that what you were describing doesn't fit with what I know about Judaism. But I do have some--
Frankie: Oh, are you Jewish?
Me: No, I'm not.
Frankie: Oh, but you have knowledge?
Me: [eyeroll] Yes.
Frankie: most horrific ramble about blood libel. . . don't you know that he read in a book that talked about how the Jews in Europe used to sacrifice--that means kill--their children and then when they ran out (of children??) they used Christian children and sacrifice--and that means kill, you know--them in their rituals.
Me: [horrified use of the hold button the second]
Me: Okay, so I've got some history books that go from XXX through medieval Europe and to present day--
Frankie: [asks for book details]
Me: [gives book details, relieved to be off that topic]
Frankie: ramble ramble ramble book on modern Judaism? ramble ramble
Me: [starts to list title]
Frankie: ramble ramble when was that book written diatribe on how religions are covering things up
Me: [??] 2012. Pretty new. Did you want new books or old books?
Frankie: Old. And new! And one in between.
Me: [?] So the one I found covers history from XXX to modern times . . .?
Frankie: Good! Now one that's 50 years old. Because religions are changing things. Hiding them. So that the bad things are swept under the rug. Because religions are manmade you know. God didn't make religion. Jesus didn't make religion. Religion is manmade and I read that the Jewish people would sacrifice--that means kill--children.
Me: That is not consistent with what I know about Judaism.
Frankie: I study religions, but I don't know about Judaism. I study religions, it's what I do. I read books and articles and watch movies and I read it in a book about how the Russians survived the Black Plague using Penicillin in the form of raw garlic so its true.
Me:
It's possible that was a biased source. Frankie:[lists why its facts about the Russians surviving the plauge with raw garlic make blood libel true]
Me: [can we talk about something else?] Soooo, how about this old book from 1937 on Judaism, does that work?
Frankie: ramble ramble Italian mafia, Russia mafia, Jewish mafia, Polish mafia ramble ramb--
Me: So, I've ordered you Jewish History 2012, Jewish History 1937 and I'll find you a nice one about modern practices, mmmkay?
Frankie: You've been so helpful! Thank you and God Bless.
Me: GDIAF. I mean, you too.
Amazingly the actual conversation was much longer and included rants about the 'Poison Pen' letters he's gotten from Big 'Brary and how they won't help him and how he likes our director because she sent him a letter that identified herself as a Christian and sounded like he was being persecuted because he's Christian and it was so brave our director to out herself as a Christian, too, and he's so much more comfortable calling us because of that and he's a good Christian ad nauseaum.
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