More Of The Gas Monkey Saga (The Why Me? Edition)

[The Scaly Bard]

With apologies to Gravekeeper for ripping off his format.

Cigarettes, again.

"Marb Reds."
*Irked. It's Marl... MARL DAMN YOU!* "ID please."
"Uh... yeah, I left that at home..."
"Sorry, can't do it then."
"Dammit."

You forget your ID, I can understand that... if you forget it in the CAR. But then to get in said car and drive away? Ah, to have the local cops on speed-dial....


$100 Must Be Banned.

"That's $13.66."
"Here." *Whips out $100*
*Eye twitch* "Let me see if I can break that..."
"It's all I got!" *whining voice*

I don't give a flying *MULTICENSORED* rat's hemorrhoidic shaved ass if it's the last monetary bill on the planet. WE'RE NOT A GODDAMN BANK! Go there with your penile enhancer, I mean, $100 dollar bill.

Afterthought: I've noticed that construction workers and gang-banger wannabes are notorious for this BS. Any body else have this problem with these particular groups?


Food Stamp Follies

*NOTE: My family has been on food stamps in the past, so we know what it can be like to have people look down on you because they automatically think you might be a welfare leech. It was a horrible time in our lives, and I hope we never have to go through that again.*

Lady, you have my sympathies. No, really, you do. I've can see how the world is unjustly treating you. I mean, those fancy nails must have cost at least $125 to have done. And all those silver and gold chains around your neck that cost more than my first car did? I can see how they present such a heavy burden upon your shoulders. But look at you! You forge ahead, acting like all is right in the world as you loudly boast to your friends on your Motorola KRZR and shell out enough money on lottery to finance me a new car. Such shamelessness is OBVIOUSLY just a keen ploy to keep your detractors at bay! My hat is off to you! (Only because it makes using a scope more difficult.)


Mullet... mohawk?!

To the trailer trash family that stormed my store like the Allies storming the beaches during D-Day, you have done the truly impossible. You have instilled fear in my cold, cynical heart.

It wasn't enough listening to the (grotesquely) obese wife discussing rather loudly the merits of certain sexual positions in the kitchen. (WHY GOD?! WHHHYYYYYYYYYY!!!?!?!?!???!!!?!ONE!!) Nor was it enough that I could taste the stink that surrounded them like a shroud of intellect-repellent. No, they had to create the ultimate in horror, a horrific amalgamation of pseudo-punk and pure-blooded trailer trash redneckism.

The Mohawk Mullet.

Congratulations, people. Never have I wanted to beat a kid so badly for something he obviously has no control over. I hope you both fall into a pit of rabid gerbils, and the kid gets adopted to a fabulously gay couple and becomes a fashion designer.

I have tasted the fall of humanity, and it tastes of stale body odour and Fritos.


More Child Annoyances

Thank you ma'am, for not bothering to control your children and subjecting me and my headache a la Riverdance with workboots to the ape-like shrieks of your hairless, ape-like shrieks of your mutant monkey progeny. It truly inspired me about your parenting skills, seeing you buy them candy and slushies at a quarter after ten. Never has my decision to not reproduce been confirmed so hard. I hope they snap, and eat your body in a sugar-induced haze of insanity.

Cellphones, again!

Yes, I shut off the pumps because you were on your cellphone.
No, I won't turn it back on until you turn the damn thing off.
Yes, I saw the Mythbuster's episode.
NO, I'M NOT GOING TO TEST THAT! (Fucking MORON!)
Yes, there ARE signs out there saying "No cellphones while pumping."
No, I really don't care if you go to another station. Hess is right down the street. Oh, yeah, they have "No Cellphone" signs there too. Have fun kayluvyubuhbye!

I'm starting to see why they won't let me carry a shotgun to work. Unfortunately, I'm not liking the reasoning behind it.

[Sir Spaniard the 12th]

I've not seen that mythbusters episode, but a friend of mine who is rather a bit knowledgeable in regards to science told me that the way they tested it, it wouldn't possibly work, because the spark that would cause the EXLODE-Y BADNESS would need a certain degree of oxgyen as well as fuel, whereas they tested it in an enclosed, fuel-saturated room or something?

[BusyBee]

From what I remember of that ep, I believe they had a see-through box-shape of material (plastic? glass?), maybe 1m x 1m x 1m? 1metre is apparently just over 1yard btw. Couldn't have been much bigger or smaller than that in any case. They did make the air inside extra saturated with petrol, they said they thought the more fuel for a spark to grow off the more chance of making a big boom or something like that. So yeah, there probably wouldn't have been much oxygen left in there.
Maybe there's something online I can find about it... I shall look!

Edit: Wikipedia ftw! The 'notes' for this experiment are:
A properly-working cell phone poses almost no danger of igniting gasoline, even when surrounded by gasoline vapor with the optimum fuel-air mix for ignition. The actual risk comes from an electrostatic discharge between a charged driver and the car, often a result of continually getting into and out of the vehicle.

[MCSledgehammer]

I always get the hundreds around the first of the month. After people have cashed their welfare check at the bank. That is across the street. Now, while irritating, I have a sneaking suspicion this is because the bank cashes them into big bills, no exceptions. I suppose this makes sense, since it would be crazy hard to carry that many $20s for a few days. What really gets me is when they hand me the hundred at 8 in the morning, and after haggling over a $3 purchase... Arg, death!

[The Scaly Bard]

MC, you know the idiocy I have to deal with then, because that's pretty much what happens here around the first also. I've noticed a pattern in how people pay for things in the time I've been working here:

First of the month: $50's and $100's

Middle of the month: Food stamps

End of month: Metric tonnes of change, most of which looks like it's been scrounged from the intestinal tract of a dead animal.

Of course, $20's and credit are always in season.

[coldcupofjoe]

End of month: Metric tonnes of change, most of which looks like it's been scrounged from the intestinal tract of a dead animal.

I have yet to understand why people do this. would it really kill them to soak it in water for an hour or two?

I don't particularly care to have to scrape your pennies off of my hand and hope to god that whatever the hell that residue was won't seep through my skin and begin to take over all my brain functions while simultaneously converting my cellular structure into whatever the hell that stuff was...

[ArenaBoy]

Afterthought: I've noticed that construction workers and gang-banger wannabes are notorious for this BS. Any body else have this problem with these particular groups?

Never construction workers but gang-banger wannabes yes. Last summer I was working a women's basketball game and happened to be a cashier, our bank is $100 in 10s. First guy I get, happens to have the look of gang-banger wannabe down. Black car, tinted windows, rap music blasting, and the whole gear. First thing he pulls out is a $100. Good go did I want to strangle that guy to no end.

On a side note: Have you ever noticed that you can see plenty of $10s or other dollar bils on them and yet they still pay with a $50 or a $100?

[Hobgoblin]

Do you guys ever tell them you can't break the bill? At my store, we start with $125, so a hundred would make it impossible to make change for other people. Sorry, can't do it. Go down the street to the bank (any bank) and make change.

Eother way, don't hassle me about it. I don't care if it is all you have. I'm not going to help you out here.

[blas]

This sounds alltogether WAY too familiar. I think I may have nightmares as I sleep later from reading this....

Do you work at a mom and pop type gas station in the middle of northwest WI?

[The Scaly Bard]

Do you guys ever tell them you can't break the bill? At my store, we start with $125, so a hundred would make it impossible to make change for other people.

Though I'm excellent at keeping a stoic, even semi-apologetic expression, I take great delight in telling these bill-flashing morons that I cannot (occasionally, will not) break those big bills. They then have a choice: buy more junk, break out the plastic, or get the hell out of the store so others can pay.

Do you work at a mom and pop type gas station in the middle of northwest WI?

Cumberland Farms in Western Massachusetts.

[mrtauntaun]

I don't give a flying *MULTICENSORED* rat's hemorrhoidic shaved ass if it's the last monetary bill on the planet. WE'RE NOT A GODDAMN BANK! Go there with your penile enhancer, I mean, $100 dollar bill.

Afterthought: I've noticed that construction workers and gang-banger wannabes are notorious for this BS. Any body else have this problem with these particular groups?

I did see this a lot when I sold computers in a city with a large Gang-banger wannabe population. I didn't mind it so much from people if it appeared it was really all they had. But those GBWs who toss it on the counter and give you 'that look' because they think they are cool, man those ticked me off. When I finally became manager, I refused to take them from people with that attitude, and lo and behold they miraculously provided with a smaller bill!

[Noelegy]

Afterthought: I've noticed that construction workers and gang-banger wannabes are notorious for this BS. Any body else have this problem with these particular groups?

Well, there was the morning I stopped for a donut and pop on my way to work and got stuck behind what was apparently an entire landscaping company worth of employees, each one breaking a 20 for his purchase. Oh yes, and this was about 8 in the morning.

[The Scaly Bard]

Well, there was the morning I stopped for a donut and pop on my way to work and got stuck behind what was apparently an entire landscaping company worth of employees, each one breaking a 20 for his purchase. Oh yes, and this was about 8 in the morning.

Yes, I'm starting to develop a vendetta against $20's first thing in the morning also.

[blas]

I always had the vendetta against all bills over $10 at shift's beginning and end.

I only had $150 in my drawer to start with........NO twenties. So some random asswipe buying a pop, or a 84 cent pack of gum with a $20, then the next three or four customers doing the same..........you can get it............pretty soon there were NO tens and fives left. Then I'd run out of ones trying to give customers their 18 and 19 dollars in ones back for their change...

And for the gangbanger wannabes.......they don't have that much money. They get those hundreds and fifties from drug deals, NOT honest earned money.

[Freemage]

As I've noted in other threads, I've had to do the $20 bill thing before. It stems from the ATMs only giving out 20s these days (once upon a time, they gave out 10s, but that was Long Ago in the land of Far Away, it seems).

Anywho, they don't really have much choice--since most stores (understandably) won't break a bill for a non-customer, if you have to do anything with that money later on from vending machines (which are growing increasingly common), you have to do something to get change. So you buy something cheap (anything under $2 works) and get your vending-feeder bills.