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Crabburger To-Go
Finally, a new complaint at the closed-down burger place. I was getting tired of the "There were no signs!!!!" people.
This one was a particularly grouchy old lady who called looking for her car, and spent the first five minutes of the phonecall arguing with us over the fact that we couldn't be sure we had her car.
See, even though she has a red Honda Accord...
*organ chord*
And she admits to parking it at the ol' burger joint...
*organ chord*
And it's not there anymore...
*organ chord*
And, we have a red Honda Accord, the only red one we have at the moment, that came from that exact same lot during the time frame she admits to being somewhere else.....
*LOUD ORGAN CHORD!!!*
Well, just how did we know that car was HER car and not another one entirely?
"How do you KNOW that's mine?!" she asked, several times, before we just had to concede that we don't know, we're just 99.99999% certain in light of the available evidence that it's hers. Call it a hunch.
Really lady, people have been sent to the gas chamber on more-shaky evidence than this....
Tell you what, you think we're wrong? That we don't know our butts from a hole in the ground? Why don't you come down here and see if your key will start it? If it doesn't, THEN you can have a beef with us, as it is, you seem to be Jonesin' so hard for an argument that you drew a line in the sand at the very first point where we could have a divergence of fact on this matter. Namely, if we even had the car.......
Turns out that was just the opening act, when she came in in person the Set List had moved on from "no signs" and "are you sure it's my car" to the real chart-topper, "Your Signs are Confusing!"
Yep, she tried to argue that she had in fact SEEN the signs after all, but, was unsure what they really meant, because they aren't clear enough! So it was totally unfair/unethical/unbelievable/unobtanium to tow her!
Now, I'll let you be the judge here, but reproduced below, verbatim, is what those "confusing" signs say:
Got that?
We asked her, in vain, to explain to us just what was confusing and/or wrong about the wording on the sign, but she wouldn't elaborate. Whatever the mistake was, I guess she felt It should be self-evident to anyone who doesn't have lard-for-brains. She never did say exactly what was wrong, only declaring loudly that she taught literature classes, and those signs were WORDED WRONG!
Somehow.........
Oh, wait, I know!
It was the lack of citations wasn't it?
How Do I Starts Car?
Guy comes around to get his car out of the impound. He proceedes to get in, jiggle with the ignition a bit, and then get back out.
Guy- Hey! My car won't start!
Me -Battery dead?
Guy -NO! I turn my key and nothing happens, it won't move in the ignition!
Me -You're just up against the safety lock on the steering wheel, turn the key while pulling down on the wheel with your other hand it and it will start
(Common problem that I'm sure you've all had happen to you once in your life, a frightening number of people can't figure out what to do when this happens and call us out to tow them to the dealer, where their lack of problem-solving skills gets you the privilege of paying for a billable-hour's worth of ASE technician time or burning one of your three free roadside services for the year.)
Well, he proceeded to ADJUST THE TILT OF THE STEERING WHEEL
up and down, (not at all what I told him to do 
) and then tries to start it again. Surprising perhaps nobody except himself, it fails to improve the situation.
Guy- It's still not starting! You must've done something to it!
Me - No I didn't, Sir
Guy - It worked earlier today!
Me - Well, I don't know what to tell you Sir, you just have to turn it harder and eventually the ignition will *pop* itself unstuck
Guy - You broke it when you started it!
Me - Uh, I didn't start that car and didn't touch the inside of it at all, that would be illegal if I did. We can't enter illegally towed cars, we have no reason to anyway.
Guy - Then how'd you get it over here?
Me - Huh?
Guy - If you weren't in it, then how did you back it out of the space it was in?!
Me -
Uh, I didn't, I just took it as-is.
He kinda scowled a mighty frown at me, perhaps he thought I was telling a bad joke? I don't think he really go the "tow" part of being towed.
Fortunately for me, his next manhandling of the ignition and wheel must've worked because the car happily started right up and he puttered off to meet other people and drain their will to live instead.
Twitch vs. Occupational Advice
So, Twitch was back on the job this weekend, and ended up being told by one of his victims who caught him about to abscond with her VW that he needed to find a different job. Her reasoning being that only ignorant illiterate hicks drive tow trucks and unless Twitch wants everyone to think he's some dumb, ignorant illiterate hick, he better find a "real career" to apply himself to.
Twitch happily told her not to worry, that towing people for illegal parking wasn't his full-time job, his "real" job was a state-licensed financial repossession agent.
"What's that mean?" the lady asked disdainfully
"It means I hope you're current with your payments on this car, or you'll be seein' me again" Twitch said
She didn't like that, not that he particularly cared.
Notable Notes
Another car with a note in it, this one said:
"DO NOT PULL THIS CAR!"
Uh.... okay..... fine........ how about's we tow it instead?
What? WHAT?! I LISTENED TO THE NOTE for once! You had no reason to be angry with me!
Another car, another note:
"Hey! Happy Halloween Mr. Tow Truck guy! I don't have a permit for here, but please please PLEASE don't tow me! I had a few too many to drink with my friends and don't want to have to drive drunk! Driving drunk is a very bad idea! So we're playing it safe! We're doing the responsible thing! We'll be back to move it in the morning, in the meantime, have a great evening!"
Darn, that kid don't know when to shut up! He must've been vaccinated as a baby with a record needle. That wasn't a note, that was a doctoral thesis.... took longer to read the darn thing that it did to load up the car....
Finally, a new complaint at the closed-down burger place. I was getting tired of the "There were no signs!!!!" people.
This one was a particularly grouchy old lady who called looking for her car, and spent the first five minutes of the phonecall arguing with us over the fact that we couldn't be sure we had her car.
See, even though she has a red Honda Accord...
*organ chord*
And she admits to parking it at the ol' burger joint...
*organ chord*
And it's not there anymore...
*organ chord*
And, we have a red Honda Accord, the only red one we have at the moment, that came from that exact same lot during the time frame she admits to being somewhere else.....
*LOUD ORGAN CHORD!!!*
Well, just how did we know that car was HER car and not another one entirely?
"How do you KNOW that's mine?!" she asked, several times, before we just had to concede that we don't know, we're just 99.99999% certain in light of the available evidence that it's hers. Call it a hunch.
Really lady, people have been sent to the gas chamber on more-shaky evidence than this....
Tell you what, you think we're wrong? That we don't know our butts from a hole in the ground? Why don't you come down here and see if your key will start it? If it doesn't, THEN you can have a beef with us, as it is, you seem to be Jonesin' so hard for an argument that you drew a line in the sand at the very first point where we could have a divergence of fact on this matter. Namely, if we even had the car.......
Turns out that was just the opening act, when she came in in person the Set List had moved on from "no signs" and "are you sure it's my car" to the real chart-topper, "Your Signs are Confusing!"
Yep, she tried to argue that she had in fact SEEN the signs after all, but, was unsure what they really meant, because they aren't clear enough! So it was totally unfair/unethical/unbelievable/unobtanium to tow her!
Now, I'll let you be the judge here, but reproduced below, verbatim, is what those "confusing" signs say:
PRIVATE PARKING
Unauthorized vehicles will be towed
at owners expense
24 hours a day
7 days a week
Friendly Neighborhood Towing
XXX-XXXX
Unauthorized vehicles will be towed
at owners expense
24 hours a day
7 days a week
Friendly Neighborhood Towing
XXX-XXXX
Got that?
We asked her, in vain, to explain to us just what was confusing and/or wrong about the wording on the sign, but she wouldn't elaborate. Whatever the mistake was, I guess she felt It should be self-evident to anyone who doesn't have lard-for-brains. She never did say exactly what was wrong, only declaring loudly that she taught literature classes, and those signs were WORDED WRONG!
Somehow.........
Oh, wait, I know!
It was the lack of citations wasn't it?
How Do I Starts Car?
Guy comes around to get his car out of the impound. He proceedes to get in, jiggle with the ignition a bit, and then get back out.
Guy- Hey! My car won't start!
Me -Battery dead?
Guy -NO! I turn my key and nothing happens, it won't move in the ignition!
Me -You're just up against the safety lock on the steering wheel, turn the key while pulling down on the wheel with your other hand it and it will start
(Common problem that I'm sure you've all had happen to you once in your life, a frightening number of people can't figure out what to do when this happens and call us out to tow them to the dealer, where their lack of problem-solving skills gets you the privilege of paying for a billable-hour's worth of ASE technician time or burning one of your three free roadside services for the year.)
Well, he proceeded to ADJUST THE TILT OF THE STEERING WHEEL
up and down, (not at all what I told him to do ) and then tries to start it again. Surprising perhaps nobody except himself, it fails to improve the situation. Guy- It's still not starting! You must've done something to it!
Me - No I didn't, Sir
Guy - It worked earlier today!
Me - Well, I don't know what to tell you Sir, you just have to turn it harder and eventually the ignition will *pop* itself unstuck
Guy - You broke it when you started it!
Me - Uh, I didn't start that car and didn't touch the inside of it at all, that would be illegal if I did. We can't enter illegally towed cars, we have no reason to anyway.
Guy - Then how'd you get it over here?
Me - Huh?
Guy - If you weren't in it, then how did you back it out of the space it was in?!
Me -
Uh, I didn't, I just took it as-is. He kinda scowled a mighty frown at me, perhaps he thought I was telling a bad joke? I don't think he really go the "tow" part of being towed.
Fortunately for me, his next manhandling of the ignition and wheel must've worked because the car happily started right up and he puttered off to meet other people and drain their will to live instead.
Twitch vs. Occupational Advice
So, Twitch was back on the job this weekend, and ended up being told by one of his victims who caught him about to abscond with her VW that he needed to find a different job. Her reasoning being that only ignorant illiterate hicks drive tow trucks and unless Twitch wants everyone to think he's some dumb, ignorant illiterate hick, he better find a "real career" to apply himself to.
Twitch happily told her not to worry, that towing people for illegal parking wasn't his full-time job, his "real" job was a state-licensed financial repossession agent.
"What's that mean?" the lady asked disdainfully
"It means I hope you're current with your payments on this car, or you'll be seein' me again" Twitch said
She didn't like that, not that he particularly cared.
Notable Notes
Another car with a note in it, this one said:
"DO NOT PULL THIS CAR!"
Uh.... okay..... fine........ how about's we tow it instead?
What? WHAT?! I LISTENED TO THE NOTE for once! You had no reason to be angry with me!
Another car, another note:
"Hey! Happy Halloween Mr. Tow Truck guy! I don't have a permit for here, but please please PLEASE don't tow me! I had a few too many to drink with my friends and don't want to have to drive drunk! Driving drunk is a very bad idea! So we're playing it safe! We're doing the responsible thing! We'll be back to move it in the morning, in the meantime, have a great evening!"
Darn, that kid don't know when to shut up! He must've been vaccinated as a baby with a record needle. That wasn't a note, that was a doctoral thesis.... took longer to read the darn thing that it did to load up the car....
I just drove it down the street, and it's been sitting less than 10 minutes. When I left, she fired right up 
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