Those crazy SCs really shouldn't be allowed out on their own...

[ominousoat]

Sometimes, when I'm feeling nice, I try not to insult customers by being condescending. So, instead of just blurting out exactly what they should, or should have done, I try to let them figure it out themselves. Clearly this has some pretty sad results...

ME = ME

SC = Stupid Customer

SC: My mom is trying to pay her bill online.

ME: Okay.

SC: And it won't let her.

ME: Okay, what is the account number?

SC: Um...well she's doing it online.

ME: Okay.

[pause]

ME: Can I have the account number? For her account with us?

SC: Oh, no, I don't have that.

ME: [pulling it up by alternate means] Okay, and what error message is it giving her?

SC: It says "Debit Card Declined: Please call number on the back."

ME: Ooookay...and...

SC: Why won't it go through?

ME: It sounds to me like it's a problem with the debit card.

SC: No, that's not possible, it worked earlier.

ME: Well...everything looks okay on our side...

SC: Why won't it work?

ME: I don't know.

SC: Who would?

ME: Your debit card provider could probably help...

SC: Oh, how could I contact them?

ME: I would suggest the number on the back of the card.

SC: Oh! Thanks! Have a good day.

[DesignFox]

I felt a terrible disturbance in the Force... as if millions of brain cells cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced....

(sorry, hunny and I just got done watching episode IV)

That is one damn stupid customer...

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Ah, yes, one of those bank account fallacies. Like the infamous 'I can't be out of money, I still have checks!' fallacy.

The customer's line of thinking is that it cannot possibly be their debit card that has the problem. It has to be something wrong with the merchant. Therefore, the first response is to call the merchant and see what's wrong.

[Becks]

Well, that made my head hurt. How did that person ever manage to come into contact with another human being in the first place?

[lordlundar]

I felt a terrible disturbance in the Force... as if millions of brain cells cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced....

(sorry, hunny and I just got done watching episode IV)

and yet, it fits.

[Andara Bledin]

Hey, I had one of these today!

I do some of the credit card processing here at my job. It's an online processor, and it's pretty painless, as long as we have all of the info, which some customers only give on pain of us not shipping their oh-so-important orders, and then only with great reluctance.

So, today I get a credit card payment and fill out all of the information. This one couldn't be bothered to fill out the convenient form, so most of the information had to be written on the order. I get to the end, push the button, and get an error. So I try a few different things that are the usual culprits and none of it works. So I call the customer. It goes something like this...

SC: The Man Who We Refuse to Give a Credit Line
Me: *does a flourish*

Me: This is Andara with Such&Such calling about your Purchase Order.
SC: Yes, I send that in today.
Me: Well, I'm running the credit card, but it is not going through. Can you confirm the name the card is billed to?
SC: It is billed to me, Sucky Customer at the company address.
Me: Ok, that is what I have, but the card is not going through.
SC: That is impossible! I have $100,000 on that card. My name is spelled C-U-S-T-O-M-E-R, make sure you spelled it right.
Me: Yes, I have it entered exactly as it is on the order.
SC: That's C-U-S-T-O-M-E-R, you got that?
Me: Yes, that is what I have, but the system is rejecting it.
SC: That is not possible. I have plenty money on that card!
Me: I can fax you a copy of the failure if you'd like proof.
SC: You have the date right? 5/07? And the 3-digit code of ###?
Me: Yes, I have all of that. Do you have another card?
SC: No, that is my only card. I should have new card, this one almost expired. I should have gotten a new card already. I will call and find out why the card not go through.
Me: Yes, that would be great.

After all of that, the SC gets my call back info, calls his bank and discovers that the reason the card would not go through is because his bank will no process any charges over $3000 without receiving his authorization first.

Ugh. Why can't these people keep track of their one and only credit card's terms?

^-.-^

[Blueberry]

I had one of these people the other day who just can't seem to remember what I said the second before.
'So ma'am it's coming from an American distrubutor and will be about 4-6 weeks.'
'Oh....an American distibutor?'
'Yes.'
'Is that in Canada?'
'.....No....It's in the States.'
'But not in Canada?'
'.....No.'
'An American distributor?'
'Yes'
'Are they called 'American distributor?'
'No...Their name is Brain and Exploding.'
'But they're not in Canada?'
'NO.'
'And how long would it take?'
'4-6 weeks.'
'Oh, well I think that would take too long, thank you....'