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...perhaps they're just telling a really bad joke, 'cause I'm not gonna play that game. Shall I retell, nay, regale this 'funny' joke to you?
"So, did you cut your up or across?"
"...excuse me?"
"Your wrist!" Whilst pointing to my wrist brace, which I'm either hoping he's stupid or really wants to get a ranting at.
"Uhm, sir, I have carpal tunnel." I don't really have carpal tunnel, it's only bagging-induced tendonitis in both wrists, but I use them interchangeably sometime when I'm not thinking since it feels like carpal tunnel without the brace.
"Sure, sure..." And then he just walks off.
Sorry, but I could have made this really awkward for you if I had the thought at the time. Because I'm Bi-Polar, and asking me if I cut my wrists isn't exactly a good way to stay on my 'happy' side. I could have easily said 'Both' to your question to make your thoughts hell. To make you feel guilty beyond compare, when in reality I worship these hands because they make works of art (artist, here!). What do your hands make, fool? If you keep asking questions like that in life, I promise your hands won't make money.
Coupons r teh hard
A lady comes through my line with several items and a stack of coupons. I proceed to read them as usual, and lo and behold, several don't match up!
Not my problem. In fact, it's apparently HERS, because the whole time she's huffing and puffing about how all the coupons worked last time! Yeah, and I'm the Pope. Last I checked, there's no such thing as a female Pope, so put that on your list of 'never's. After weeding through all her coupons, THIS pops out of her frugal little mouth:
"I don't like it when it takes this long. You guys are really inconveniencing me."
Oh, princess, I'm so sorry that you came in with coupons! I know you couldn't handle your compulsiveness and brought them in anyway, knowing that I read them, right?? I mean, it's not like you--Ohhhhh, you actually thought I'd just scan them blindly?! Jokes on you, sucker! Now go back to your newspaper cave and hopefully the time I 'took' from you will be repaid in with the fact that I kept you from being sucked into the 'MeMeMe' universe you almost created with your entitled attitude.
It's Called 'TNT' for a Reason
Some old guy with his kid goes to buy some TNT brand Silly Spray for his kid. Well, as unexpected as it goes, I have to card for it.
"Why?! This is just Silly Spray!"
"I don't know, sir. I'm guessing it's because it's flammable." Or perhaps because it has the brand of a major Fireworks company on it?
"Well this is ridiculous!" He pulls his ID out and tries to show me from afar. I shake my head politely.
"I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to scan it. Computer won't let me."
"NO!" He shoves it back into his wallet. "This is why I never shop here anymore! This is ridiculous!"
So I turn on my light and wait for a supervisor to override it. To which they do override it, given he's old as The Pyramids themselves (I can be kind in my descriptions
). He leaves and all is well with the world. Co-worker suggest to me that perhaps it's because kids snort the aerosol in it. I get the awesome image of some stupid teen with silly string up the nose. That made up for it. 
Bonus Cute Story!
I was getting a snack to eat at a cafe before I went in for work, and the mother in front of me had two children, one of which who was constantly asking for 'sushi'. She turned around to see what he was looking at, after paying for everything and promptly said, "Honey, you mean slushy." After which she told me she believed him 'cause he likes sushi, too...
It was a good laugh!
"So, did you cut your up or across?"
"...excuse me?"
"Your wrist!" Whilst pointing to my wrist brace, which I'm either hoping he's stupid or really wants to get a ranting at.
"Uhm, sir, I have carpal tunnel." I don't really have carpal tunnel, it's only bagging-induced tendonitis in both wrists, but I use them interchangeably sometime when I'm not thinking since it feels like carpal tunnel without the brace.
"Sure, sure..." And then he just walks off.
Sorry, but I could have made this really awkward for you if I had the thought at the time. Because I'm Bi-Polar, and asking me if I cut my wrists isn't exactly a good way to stay on my 'happy' side. I could have easily said 'Both' to your question to make your thoughts hell. To make you feel guilty beyond compare, when in reality I worship these hands because they make works of art (artist, here!). What do your hands make, fool? If you keep asking questions like that in life, I promise your hands won't make money.
Coupons r teh hard
A lady comes through my line with several items and a stack of coupons. I proceed to read them as usual, and lo and behold, several don't match up!
Not my problem. In fact, it's apparently HERS, because the whole time she's huffing and puffing about how all the coupons worked last time! Yeah, and I'm the Pope. Last I checked, there's no such thing as a female Pope, so put that on your list of 'never's. After weeding through all her coupons, THIS pops out of her frugal little mouth:"I don't like it when it takes this long. You guys are really inconveniencing me."
Oh, princess, I'm so sorry that you came in with coupons! I know you couldn't handle your compulsiveness and brought them in anyway, knowing that I read them, right?? I mean, it's not like you--Ohhhhh, you actually thought I'd just scan them blindly?! Jokes on you, sucker! Now go back to your newspaper cave and hopefully the time I 'took' from you will be repaid in with the fact that I kept you from being sucked into the 'MeMeMe' universe you almost created with your entitled attitude.
It's Called 'TNT' for a Reason
Some old guy with his kid goes to buy some TNT brand Silly Spray for his kid. Well, as unexpected as it goes, I have to card for it.
"Why?! This is just Silly Spray!"
"I don't know, sir. I'm guessing it's because it's flammable." Or perhaps because it has the brand of a major Fireworks company on it?
"Well this is ridiculous!" He pulls his ID out and tries to show me from afar. I shake my head politely.
"I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to scan it. Computer won't let me."
"NO!" He shoves it back into his wallet. "This is why I never shop here anymore! This is ridiculous!"
So I turn on my light and wait for a supervisor to override it. To which they do override it, given he's old as The Pyramids themselves (I can be kind in my descriptions
). He leaves and all is well with the world. Co-worker suggest to me that perhaps it's because kids snort the aerosol in it. I get the awesome image of some stupid teen with silly string up the nose. That made up for it. Bonus Cute Story!
I was getting a snack to eat at a cafe before I went in for work, and the mother in front of me had two children, one of which who was constantly asking for 'sushi'. She turned around to see what he was looking at, after paying for everything and promptly said, "Honey, you mean slushy." After which she told me she believed him 'cause he likes sushi, too...
It was a good laugh!
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