"But I CAN'T be without my phone!"

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

More fun with the good customers at red checkmark...

You mean I have to wait?!

Me: That phone is definitely going to need to be replaced. Let me start a warranty claim for you.
SC: (impatiently) How long is this going to take?
Me: No more than a few minutes, I just need to cover some information with you.
SC: Ok....
Me: (I proceed through the claim as normal and then we get to her shipping options) Ok, standard shipping is three to five days, we do offer express 1-2 day shipping for an additional fee of $12.95 which will be added to your next bill.
SC: You've got to be kidding me, can't you guys like, overnight me one or something?
Me: The best I can offer is the express but I can't guarantee when exactly you'll have the phone.
SC: And I have to PAY for that? (Note: the SC really did emphasize the word)
Me: Yes, as I said it's 12.95 but it gets added to your bill so there's nothing upfront to pay today.
SC: Look sir, I NEED my phone, I simply can't be without a phone. You know, I've paid you people thousands of dollars over the years and I think it'd be more than fair if you give me the express shipping at no additional charge.
Me: I'm afraid I can't do that sir, we don't waive standard fees.
SC: So you have no sense of customer service then?
Me: Excuse me?
SC: Customer service...you know, the job you get paid for. Making the customer happy and all that? What would make me happy is getting a phone today but since you can't do that I am willing to accept express shipping at no additional charge. I've been inconvenienced enough as it is, I refuse to be made to wait any longer for a phone than I absolutely have to. Don't you people understand how much some of us rely on our phones?
(No, I honestly had no idea...)
Me: I do understand sir but there are certain rules and policies we abide by here and one of those is that we are not allowed to waive shipping or other standard fees for customers. Typically even the free shipping option takes no more than four days.
SC: Four days? FOUR DAYS?! I refuse to wait four days to get a phone, do you have any idea how much that will cost me? No, I won't do it. Either you give me the free express shipping and do it right now or put someone on this phone who can!
Me: Very well sir, please hold for a supervisor.

Guess if he got the free shipping. Go on, guess.

Make them give me a phone!

I get talking to a lady who had gone to a store because she was having trouble with her phone and wanted a replacement. We don't do warranty replacements at stores, we don't even officially do technical support at stores. So because the mean people at the store wouldn't help her any, she got on the phone with me, while she was still in the store.

SC: My phone is still under warranty, I drove 10 miles out to this store to get another one and now they tell me they can't do anything. What the hell?
Me: That is correct, our stores handle mainly sales and the occasional minor support issue, they do not do warranty replacements on site, but I'll be happy to do a claim for you, it will only take a few minutes.
SC: Oh, so you can do something in your computer so they can give me a phone?
Me: No, it doesn't work like that. What I do is I process your claim for you here and then we send you a replacement phone in the mail. You'll get it in a few days.
SC: A few days? A few DAYS? Oh no, uh uh, I need a phone NOW.
Me: Well there are a few options that could get you a phone right now but you will have to pay at least a little bit to...
SC: Oh no, that's not right, I ain't paying nothing! You all ain't gonna charge me to replace a phone that's not working. That's not on me, it's on you. YOU need to fix this. I won't pay to fix your mistake.
Me: I understand and agree with you that you shouldn't have to pay to replace a malfunctioning phone and like I said we don't charge for warranty claims but if you want to go that route, which again, won't cost you a thing, you will need to accept a replacement through the mail.
SC: No no no, look maybe you're not understand me so let's try this again: I need my phone. You're gonna get me a phone and you're gonna get me one right now and I'm not paying nothing.
Me: I don't have any way to do that ma'am, I'm sorry.
SC: I'm in the middle of the store surrounded by phones! Just make them give me a phone.
Me: I already told you I can't do that. We here at the support centers have no authority over the managers of the stores, we can't force them to do anything.
SC: Do you want to talk to them? Do you want to talk to them? Look,hold up, hang on...
(In the background I hear her ask for a manager)
M: Hi,my name's Chad I'm the store manager, she said you wanted to speak with me?
Me:(sigh) No, I didn't. Look, here's the deal. She wants a warranty replacement. I told her I can do one but she has to get the phone through the mail. She says she wants a phone today. I told her that can happen but it will cost her and she's still demanding I make you give her a phone.
M:
Me: I know, I know. Anyway I guess she put you on with me in the hopes that I'd have a sudden change of heart or something but that's not going to happen.
M: I know, look dude, you've already explained her options to her, I don't want your time to be wasted anymore. If you want to end this call here, I can handle her the rest of the way and if she calls back, so be it.
Me: Sounds good, I'll thoroughly note the account so the next rep knows what she's trying to pull. Go ahead and put her back on with me, I'll try and explain one more time.
M: Alrighty, here she comes.
SC: Yeah I'm here.
Me: Ok, ma'am I've just been talking to the manager and confirmed that there is no way for you get a phone there without paying anything so what I can do is-
SC: Oh no! Y'all ain't fixing to do this to me. I need a phone. I WILL get a phone, where'd that manager go? *CLICK*

I followed up on that acct later and she'd actually tried to convince the next rep I'd told her she could get a free phone at the store and the call disconnected while I was "finalizing" it. Fortunately my notes said otherwise.

Did that actually just happen?

SC: Yeah, I'm having trouble calling Morocco. When I call, it doesn't go through at all.
Me: I apologize for the problem, let's see about getting it fixed for you. Are you able to call within the United States with no problem?
SC: Yeah, I think so.
Me: Ok, we'll let me go ahead and look into a few things on the network.
SC: (immediately agitated) And how long will that take?
Me: Shouldn't be any more than ten minutes. (Which is actually pretty short for a call of this nature)
SC: Ten minutes? Is that really necessary?
Me: You can't call morocco which means either the problem is with your phone, our network or the person you are trying to call. I'd like to rule out any issues on our side. That's why I wanted to do a bit of troubleshooting.
SC: I tell you what, I'm going to keep trying the Morocco number and if you find anything on your network related to the problem, go ahead and call me back. *CLICK*

What the hell? You call us because you are having a problem with your phone then get all pissed off and frustrated because we actually want to try and fix it?

Where do these people come from?

I am not a wizard

Similar to the endless back room they think all retail workers have access to, my SCs also believe I have magical, wonderful powers.

Well, sorry folks, I'm not Gandalf.

I can't just pull a cell tower out of my butt to help you get better coverage.

I can't just flick a switch in my office to make your wifi work.

I can't step into a time capsule and change your warranty dates.

I can't just snap my fingers and make a free phone fall in your lap.

I can't just tap a few buttons on my computer to make your Note 3 hotspot connect perfectly to your Chromebook.

I also can't suddenly make your bill go away or push back your due date infinitely or instantly give you a phone upgrade right now today.

If you want any of these things I suggest you take it to someone who really does have magical powers and pray to your deity of choice.

[Mr Hero]

SC: Look sir, I NEED my phone, I simply can't be without a phone. You know, I've paid you people thousands of dollars over the years and I think it'd be more than fair if you give me the express shipping at no additional charge.

And I NEED food, but I still have to pay for it.

[otakuneko]

I am not a wizard

Well there's your problem. Don't you know you're supposed to be a grey-haired old man with a pointy hat and a gnarled staff? Was that not on the job requirements? Sheesh!

[dalesys]

.. and a gnarly staff? ...

... with a knob on the end ...
[/return_to_roundworld]

[eltf177]

I can't just snap my fingers and make a free phone fall in your lap.

I also can't suddenly make your bill go away or push back your due date infinitely or instantly give you a phone upgrade right now today.

If you want any of these things I suggest you take it to someone who really does have magical powers and pray to your deity of choice a spineless manager, who will make these things happen while throwing me under a bus/making me look like an idiot.

Fixed that. And it's a pity just how often this happens...

[wolfie]

If they absolutely can't be without their phone even for a couple days, they need to buy a second phone, transfer their SIM card (presupposes that they're on a GSM carrier), and when their original phone comes back they've got a spare for when their new phone goes bad.

Many years ago (before smartphones), my carrier (GSM) had rentals for when someone brought a phone in for repair. If you REALLY needed a phone, they'd rent you one of those, slip in your SIM card, and you'd have the use of a phone while yours was being fixed. Perhaps that would be an idea worth reviving?

[Mr Hero]

Well there's your problem. Don't you know you're supposed to be a grey-haired old man with a pointy hat and a gnarled staff? Was that not on the job requirements? Sheesh!

And you're supposed to know the "accio phone" incantation.

[MoonCat]

Well, kiddies, back in the day, your phone was attached to a wire which was attached to the wall, nobody had anything portable that could fit in their pocket, and somehow, some way, we all mysteriously survived. Now I get that a lot of people these days depend on a phone for business needs, in which case as Wolfie says, they should keep a spare. Anybody else....can live without Angry Birds for a couple of days.

[dalesys]

... phone was attached to a wire ... we all mysteriously survived.

I coulda seen Janis Joplin for FREE if we'da only had cell phones!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I coulda seen Janis Joplin for FREE if we'da only had cell phones!

I could've done the same with the Bee Gees and Donna Summer.

We all survived before cell phones . . . and yes I keep a backup phone (still have my old Nokia flip phone now that my brother has my old iPhone) just in case.

I recall my Dad telling me that his ancient phone went out on him (this has been several years ago now) and all he did was go to Wallyworld and get a prepaid Go phone (he has the same wireless provider I do) and put his SIM card in it and, voila, he had a phone that worked.

This lady has options - she just wants everything instantly given to her and life doesn't work that way. If she reacts this melodramatically to something like her cell phone malfunctioning (and yes, it's a PITA to have happen) I'd really hate to see how she'd handle a major catastrophe.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Fixed that. And it's a pity just how often this happens...

Agreed. If any of these SCs got that, it wasn't anyone from my center. Our managers are pretty good that way.

[ComputerNecromancer]

There's *reason* I kept my old phone when I upgraded. Not being GSM, I'd have to jump thru a couple of hoops to get my service switched over, but nothing *that* hard.

I've already done it once for a friend on the same carrier when her brother's phone got stolen. Since he'd been a pain, she was dropping him from her plan anyway, but switching service to my spare meant it could just sit in a drawer and she didn't get hit with "early termination charges.

It was also fun watching as all the folks the thief had given the number to sent him texts asking why he wasn't returning their texts and calls. :-)

[mhkohne]

It was also fun watching as all the folks the thief had given the number to sent him texts asking why he wasn't returning their texts and calls. :-)

Man, I'd be so tempted to respond 'I'm in trouble, come bail me out' to all of them. Or 'They're on to me, get rid of the stash'.

[Greenday]

I can't just pull a cell tower out of my butt to help you get better coverage.

It'd be pretty nice if you could. In the area my aunt lives in and my dad lives in, cell reception is freaking awful. Everyone there whines about it. Everyone that lives there always votes down the building of a cell tower though.

They want their cake and they want to eat it too.

[coffee_drinker247]

CrazedClerkthe2nd, don't you know? All of us retail employees are part of a secret guild that can magically click a few buttons and make every single request happen instantly as well make every product ever appear with a poof! We store everything up our ass so we just need to give a little tug to make it magically come out of our butts!