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This will be long and rambly like my posts inevitably end up being, so please bear with it. K' thanks.
This story takes place ages ago in another lifetime, or so I try to convince myself. A time when I worked in a little video game store owned by a former friend. I was surrounded by games, and could even play my games and used games when no customers were around, I got to meet lots of fellow video game fans, and even made a few friends..... but the good memories are always fogged out by the horror of SC's coming out the yin-yang.
Usually I generally repress these memories, but this one has come zooming back, so here I am to share it.
I shall call this SC Pie Man, why? It will be evident soon. Now for the background. He had come to return a used game that was not working, an NBA 2002 game (blech, sports games) that he had brought a week ago (during which time he seemed like a normal and rational human being). Now, when we get a used game....
1.) I check it out visually and on our in store systems...
2.) This one was in pristine condition because....
3.) This one had come from a very reliable customer, one who, like me, treats games like they are his children, children he adopts then returns to get others...... but anywho....
PM: = The lying, defiling, nasty *insert strongest expletive you know here* SC. BOOOO!!!
Me: = The ever lovable, overly verbose, rambling big mouth, and gaming guru Velfarre2001. YAYAYAY!!!
FM: = Far too lenient and accommodating at that time former friend and boss. GRRRRRRR.......
Door opens, chimes ring, heralding the end (of a so far pleasant day).
Me: Good afterno....
PM: WHY THE HELL DID YOU SELL ME CRAP LIKE THIS?
Ooooh, Strike #1 already, yelling at me off the bat, this will certainly be a winner.
Me: What seems to be the problem? (That you could not describe to me like a sensible human being? Jackass.)
PM: THIS GAME YOU SOLD ME IS BROKEN!!!
(Uh-huh, a game I PERSONALLY checked when it came in and checked AGAIN while YOU were there watching no less, is not working, 10 to 1 it either is your system, not the game, or you had leprechauns Ice Skating across it). Of course when I thought this I had no clue just how wrong I actually was.....
Me: Here, let me see the game please.
Buttmunch shoves the case at me hard (Ooopsie, Strike #2, physical misconduct) and I nearly have a heart attack at the desecration, (I don't like sports games, but it is still a video game and thus sacred to me, making this a tenative strike #3, but I know not everyone takes games as seriously as me and accidents happen, so I let it slide). It has a chunk broken out looking EXACTLY like a pie with a slice removed.... kind of jagged, but VERY impressive, kind of like Pac-Man...... only blue.
Me: Sir, what exactly happened to the game? (Like I didn't know what was coming next, now, say it altogether with me.....)
PM : IT WAS LIKE THAT WHEN I OPENED IT! (Rrrriiiiiigggghhhhttttt, tell me another one, like the sun is a giant orange, you have an I.Q. rating not in the negative, or that Britney Spears has real breasts.) *Sorry, couldn't help sneaking in that last one* Of course I personally can't really call him on the week delay (I am very bad, or very good, depending on how you slice it, at procrastination myself....
Anywho.... Strikes #3 and #4, outright lying AND insulting my memory and intelligence, unfortunately in this game, I can't say YOU'RE OUT..... and then proceed to crack your skull with a baseball bat for managing to get more then 3 strikes..... oh well, we can't always get what we want. I guess...... *shrug*
Me: Please don't lie to me sir, I know we don't accept games in this condition and I know we checked it out together before you bought it. (Sorry, but just because I am in retail, I am NOT an idiot, please don't try again)
PM: DON'T LIE TO ME YOU ***** (Strikes #5, #6, & 7 simultaneously, NICE! Potty mouth AND calling ME a liar, which equals hypocrisy), I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME THE NEWEST ONE (2003) AND REFUND MY MONEY YOU *****!!! (Strike #8, unreasonable demands on a level I would not give EVEN if you WERE right, which you SO are not)
Me: I am sorry sir, but I will not refund the game, you obviously broke it, so you can keep it. (Managed to keep my cool all the way up to this point, GO ME!)
PM: DO IT NOW YOU ******** OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!!! (Strike #9, threaten serious physical violence, and now I'll make strike #10 the game desecration, I'm letting nothing slide now you *******). By this point I had the phone out ready to call the police, which I had informed him I was doing (and also ready to slit his throat with the broken disc, which I did not inform him of), when who comes in but FM (Timing and then some huh?).
FM: What is problem here. (I explain the situation, guy swears and rants some more, I tell FM I'm calling the cops if he does not leave, he says hold on).
FM: I give you new game, you leave and don't come back.
PM: THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! I ALSO WANT A REFUND!!!
By this point I have lost it, and I did a few things I should have regretted doing, but didn't. (But I didn't get to do as much as I wanted to, probably a good thing in retrospect).
(After throwing the game at him, I know, I know, not smart, not the best way I could have handled it, but..... meh)
Me:THAT IS WWWAAAYYY MORE THEN YOU DESERVE DAMN IT, SO I SUGGEST YOU TAKE THE GAME AND GET THE **** OUT OF THIS STORE BEFORE THE COPS ARRIVE TO A HOMICIDE YOU *******
I must have been REALLY angry, because even though I am a pretty big guy, I'm usually not very intimidating, (probably the baby face). He took the game and bolted, I chewed FM out for a few minutes and took a long breather to calm down. I liked that he left, and was feeling good about scaring the life out of him, but he got a free ***** game out of it after all that BS........ *sigh*, very bittersweet, accent on the bitter.
At least he seemed to take the hint and never darkened the doors again, at least when I was on duty. So that is something I guess..... Still, it is not the same as his corpse strewn on the sidewalk by my own hand.
This story takes place ages ago in another lifetime, or so I try to convince myself. A time when I worked in a little video game store owned by a former friend. I was surrounded by games, and could even play my games and used games when no customers were around, I got to meet lots of fellow video game fans, and even made a few friends..... but the good memories are always fogged out by the horror of SC's coming out the yin-yang.
Usually I generally repress these memories, but this one has come zooming back, so here I am to share it.
I shall call this SC Pie Man, why? It will be evident soon. Now for the background. He had come to return a used game that was not working, an NBA 2002 game (blech, sports games) that he had brought a week ago (during which time he seemed like a normal and rational human being). Now, when we get a used game....
1.) I check it out visually and on our in store systems...
2.) This one was in pristine condition because....
3.) This one had come from a very reliable customer, one who, like me, treats games like they are his children, children he adopts then returns to get others...... but anywho....
PM: = The lying, defiling, nasty *insert strongest expletive you know here* SC. BOOOO!!!
Me: = The ever lovable, overly verbose, rambling big mouth, and gaming guru Velfarre2001. YAYAYAY!!!
FM: = Far too lenient and accommodating at that time former friend and boss. GRRRRRRR.......
Door opens, chimes ring, heralding the end (of a so far pleasant day).
Me: Good afterno....
PM: WHY THE HELL DID YOU SELL ME CRAP LIKE THIS?
Ooooh, Strike #1 already, yelling at me off the bat, this will certainly be a winner.
Me: What seems to be the problem? (That you could not describe to me like a sensible human being? Jackass.)
PM: THIS GAME YOU SOLD ME IS BROKEN!!!
(Uh-huh, a game I PERSONALLY checked when it came in and checked AGAIN while YOU were there watching no less, is not working, 10 to 1 it either is your system, not the game, or you had leprechauns Ice Skating across it). Of course when I thought this I had no clue just how wrong I actually was.....
Me: Here, let me see the game please.
Buttmunch shoves the case at me hard (Ooopsie, Strike #2, physical misconduct) and I nearly have a heart attack at the desecration, (I don't like sports games, but it is still a video game and thus sacred to me, making this a tenative strike #3, but I know not everyone takes games as seriously as me and accidents happen, so I let it slide). It has a chunk broken out looking EXACTLY like a pie with a slice removed.... kind of jagged, but VERY impressive, kind of like Pac-Man...... only blue.
Me: Sir, what exactly happened to the game? (Like I didn't know what was coming next, now, say it altogether with me.....)
PM : IT WAS LIKE THAT WHEN I OPENED IT! (Rrrriiiiiigggghhhhttttt, tell me another one, like the sun is a giant orange, you have an I.Q. rating not in the negative, or that Britney Spears has real breasts.) *Sorry, couldn't help sneaking in that last one* Of course I personally can't really call him on the week delay (I am very bad, or very good, depending on how you slice it, at procrastination myself....
Anywho.... Strikes #3 and #4, outright lying AND insulting my memory and intelligence, unfortunately in this game, I can't say YOU'RE OUT..... and then proceed to crack your skull with a baseball bat for managing to get more then 3 strikes..... oh well, we can't always get what we want. I guess...... *shrug*
Me: Please don't lie to me sir, I know we don't accept games in this condition and I know we checked it out together before you bought it. (Sorry, but just because I am in retail, I am NOT an idiot, please don't try again)
PM: DON'T LIE TO ME YOU ***** (Strikes #5, #6, & 7 simultaneously, NICE! Potty mouth AND calling ME a liar, which equals hypocrisy), I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME THE NEWEST ONE (2003) AND REFUND MY MONEY YOU *****!!! (Strike #8, unreasonable demands on a level I would not give EVEN if you WERE right, which you SO are not)
Me: I am sorry sir, but I will not refund the game, you obviously broke it, so you can keep it. (Managed to keep my cool all the way up to this point, GO ME!)
PM: DO IT NOW YOU ******** OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!!! (Strike #9, threaten serious physical violence, and now I'll make strike #10 the game desecration, I'm letting nothing slide now you *******). By this point I had the phone out ready to call the police, which I had informed him I was doing (and also ready to slit his throat with the broken disc, which I did not inform him of), when who comes in but FM (Timing and then some huh?).
FM: What is problem here. (I explain the situation, guy swears and rants some more, I tell FM I'm calling the cops if he does not leave, he says hold on).
FM: I give you new game, you leave and don't come back.
PM: THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! I ALSO WANT A REFUND!!!
By this point I have lost it, and I did a few things I should have regretted doing, but didn't. (But I didn't get to do as much as I wanted to, probably a good thing in retrospect).
(After throwing the game at him, I know, I know, not smart, not the best way I could have handled it, but..... meh)
Me:THAT IS WWWAAAYYY MORE THEN YOU DESERVE DAMN IT, SO I SUGGEST YOU TAKE THE GAME AND GET THE **** OUT OF THIS STORE BEFORE THE COPS ARRIVE TO A HOMICIDE YOU *******
I must have been REALLY angry, because even though I am a pretty big guy, I'm usually not very intimidating, (probably the baby face). He took the game and bolted, I chewed FM out for a few minutes and took a long breather to calm down. I liked that he left, and was feeling good about scaring the life out of him, but he got a free ***** game out of it after all that BS........ *sigh*, very bittersweet, accent on the bitter.
At least he seemed to take the hint and never darkened the doors again, at least when I was on duty. So that is something I guess..... Still, it is not the same as his corpse strewn on the sidewalk by my own hand.
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