Needed: One bag of potato chips...and other cell phone nonsense

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Get Mr. Sulu on this, stat!

We shipped a warranty replacement to a guy. Amazingly, it got to UPS within one hour of it being submitted so it would likely arrive in 2 days time.

But that wasn't good enough for this guy.

Oh no, two days was too slow, simply too slow.

He wanted his phone NOW. Now now now now! Like literally now, as in wanted us to get him a phone WITHIN THE HOUR.

We're not freaking Starfleet, we don't have warp drives and transporters and even if we did, what makes you think we'd waste them on you?

This guy wound up taking his case to FOUR different managers before finally giving up and accepting that no, this ain't One hour photo so he's not going to get a phone in 60 minutes.

Where are my chips?

Me: Thank you for calling <red checkmark>, how may I help you?
SC: I was just talking to someone from your department and apparently he hung up on me or while we were right in the middle of something.
Me: I apologize for the hang up and the confusion, I'll be happy to pick up were he left off, what can I do for you?
SC: You know what? No. I'm not doing this again. All y'all <red checkmark> people think you're all that and there's nothing wrong with wasting customers time. Forget it, I don't need this! *click*



I'm still not sure exactly what the heck happened on this one.

I wish I knew how to quit you!

Your phone is messed up, I know that sucks but hey, you're under warranty so...free replacement for you.

What's that? You don't want to wait three days for it to get there? You NEED your phone? You DEMAND that I make arrangements so you can get it at one of the local stores?

Oh sorry, no can do. It's through the mail or bust.

Yes I know your phone is important. Yes I know you have people who need to call you.

You only have this phone? Just one line? No other way to be reached in an emergency? Well, now whose fault is that?

Yes I know it sucks. Feel free to rant at me for awhile and see if it gets you anywhere.

It didn't get you anywhere? Awww, too bad. Buy bye, now.

One year, ONE YEAR

I know it sucks that your phone crapped out after 15 months. What's that? You want a warranty replacement? Oh sorry, the warranty only lasts one year.

Oh, you think I should be nice and do it for you anyway? Sorry, no can do. Warranty terms are set by the manufacturer (you know, the people that actually MAKE the phone) and are not up for negotiation.

Now, we CAN get you a replacement phone but you'll have to either pay a deductible, get a phone on our installment plan or use an upgrade on one of your other lines.

Yes, I know all those options cost money.

No, I can't credit the charges or waive the fees, even if you've been a customer for 12 years.

I realize phones should last longer than 15 months. Some do, some don't. Unfortunately yours didn't.

It's great you think the warranty SHOULD be longer, but that's not going to help you here.

No, I can't give you a free phone. (Didn't we have this conversation already?)

Look, I get you're upset, I get that you hoped your phone would last longer and I know it sucks that it's "only a few months" off warranty but thems the breaks. You will have to pay for a replacement.

You will have to pay for a replacement.

You WILL have to pay for a replacement.

Since what you have just requested of me is NOT actually anatomically possible what say we go ahead and end this call now?

You hope I'm happy? We actually I am, I'm happy that 5 seconds after you asked me that you got off my line, never to be heard from again.

[MadMike]

He wanted his phone NOW. Now now now now! Like literally now, as in wanted us to get him a phone WITHIN THE HOUR.

Couldn't you just fax him a new phone?

[Kittish]

Couldn't you just fax him a new phone?

You know, that might actually be possible within the next 5 to 10 years as 3d printing advances.

[earl colby pottinger]

Warrenty

You know, that might actually be possible within the next 5 to 10 years as 3d printing advances.

You are assuming the 3D printer is working.

[TimmyHate]

New phones in 30minutes or it's free

[Kittish]

You are assuming the 3D printer is working.

Nah, only that the technology may be up to that sort of thing. I expect SCs to remain SCs and continue to expect miracles to be performed on their behalf. *shudder*

[Sheldonrs]

Couldn't you just fax him a new phone?

I need my phone NOW! I can't wait 3 seconds!

[Dreamstalker]

You are assuming the 3D printer is working.

And that the humanoid on the other end knows how to put it together (if assembly is required).

[MoonCat]

Another case of somebody whose only access to porn is their phone. Sad.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Couldn't you just fax him a new phone?

That'll happen when Lizzie Pizza has the capability to text me my pizza goodness. Just open my iPhone and voila, a full size pizza comes out.

We're not freaking Starfleet, we don't have warp drives and transporters and even if we did, what makes you think we'd waste them on you?

While I'm not a Trekkie, that answer was PERFECT!!

Can't tell you how many times I'd like to tell a customer something along those lines instead of "we should have more in on X day when the next delivery from that company is scheduled to come in."

Come to think of it, I should've given that answer to Grasshopper this morning about the damned Aquafina 32 pk water. No there's none in the back, truck comes tomorrow. No we didn't get any either Friday or yesterday. They can't roll a pallet of that stuff onto the truck that's coming here if they DO NOT HAVE IT IN STOCK and nobody can pull it out of their asses to give to YOU.

Yeah, know that feeling all too well . . . *sigh*

[Ironclad Alibi]

You are assuming the 3D printer is working.

Another case of somebody whose only access to porn is their phone. Sad.

Now if someone figures out how to combine online porn and 3D printers...

[Geek King]

Just going to drop these here...