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( God this smoking study line at work is driving me *insane*. Every damn question I ask they give me their entire LIFE STORY as an answer even if its totally unrelated. The calls take forever. >< Curse you, Ontario! )
Gotta Have Faith
Me: "and what's your address?"
SC: "Oh, I don't know. Let me ask my daughter."
Oh, sure, go ahead. But before you go though here's a complimentary piece of my faith in humanity. No, go on. Take it. That’s for you. Keep it. Treasure it. It tastes like chocolate too. By all means lick it when I'm not looking. Its yours now, go wild.
I Don't Foresee Much Hope
( The smoking study line.... )
Me: "Do you have a pen?"
SC: "No. I have a cigarette though."
Ah, ok. Nevermind then. But hey, good luck with quitting.
Clairvoyance
Me: "Good evening, dispatch. Can I have the pager number please?"
SC: "xxxx"
Me: "Ok, and the message?"
SC: "Why is my car not working?!"
Me: "....I would have no idea. I'm a paging service."
SC: "Oh, well, tell them to call me then."
Me: "Ok, what's your ph-"
SC: "Thanks, bye. <click>"
Hmm…..no, the user name on the pager isn't "Miss Cleo."….guess you're out of luck, Skippy.
Shower Time Fun
Me: "Have you ever tried to quit before?"
SC: "Yeah, they don't let you smoke in jail."
Me: "…..ok, how long did you manage to quit for?"
SC: "Till I got out of jail."
Me: "…"
You know, I think you're on to something here. In fact I now have the *perfect* solution for how you can quit smoking. Once I manage to track down the home address of Mr "Why is my car not working?!" I'll give it to you then you can go pay him a visit with some sort of heavy, blunt object or piece of sporting equipment. That'll solve both our problems! Granted, the solution to your problem will come with bad food, poor accommodations and the ever present threat of uninvited man love, but hey! At least you can quit smoking again.
Oh, and don't drop the soap.
Zug Zug
( This is one of the cell customers... )
Me: "The office opens at 7am"
SC: "Wha time it there now?"
Me: "5am"
SC: "Oh, I got........two hour den?"
Me: "Yes"
SC: "Ok, I call back den"
Be careful, Bongo. You wouldn't want to get lost and accidentally get to close to a library or something. Touching a book would probably sear your flesh like holy water on a vampire. In fact, hey, I bet I could exorcise you from your own house by reading from a dictionary.
Wit
SC: "Is Mike or Judy there?"
Me: "No, sorry, we're only at 6am here."
SC: "Oh, ok. I'll call back later then. Sorry to wake you up! Ha ha!"
Ha ha. Yes. Very clever. Witty even. I've never, ever heard that one before. Ever. No really. Please find a way to be mauled by a caribou during a live news cast. I'll be watching for you on YouTube.com. Don't let me down. kthxbye.
If one more flippin smoker calls me....
What is wrong with this picture, children? Although, I suppose he could use the ashes from the end to write something down. Or simply burn it into his forearm.
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