Top 20 Signs That You Work in a (Insert employment)

[Cedophile]

5 and 2/3 signs you're working in a school:

1. You begin to pick and choose who you're going to be lenient with based on a) how they look; or b) how nice they were to you.

2. You stick every piece of red tape up the other guy's butt when he crosses you.

3. You begin to realize that, to the student, you aren't a person, but a mass of flesh soul-driven to aid him or her in whatever outrageous endeavor he would have you do, such as their homework.

4. You enjoy the prospect of students failing and dropping out because it means less work.

5. You dread the coming finals week, because that means a horde of students who want to do what they should have done 8 weeks ago.

5a. Ditto during midterms.

5b. But you keep a sense of humor, because you will torture them by making them wait every second possible as a lesson to humanity.

-----------------

My philosophy on #3: If I'm not getting a grade, I'm not doing it. Screw you, too, ma'am.

[unholypet]

So true!! So truuueeee!! =p

[Imogene]

Top Ten Signs you've worked too long at a help desk:
10) Your dreams begin with, "SLD, can I have your employee ID?" (Happened on my second day of work)
9) You absolutely know that your caller is insane, thinking that the VP who has an office not ten feet from your desk, is going to walk the caller's pithy little 1.7 million dollar loan through the underwriting process, because, hey, perhaps the caller ran into her while out shopping one day, and that gives him a personal connection with her.
8) Any caller who asks immediately for the top VP on your phone list does NOT know him. Much less the fact that he's only in town once a month.
7) The chance to respond to "What's her direct line?" gets the response, "You're standing in it."
6) You don't actually have to bend over backward for everyone who calls. In fact, un-learning that part of your existence for the past six years of your life was the hardest part of your training period.
5) You absolutely can't manage to take your full hour long break, no matter how hard you try.
4) The closer it gets to month's end, the more... creative the calls will get.
4b) Also, supposedly, the higher the volume of calls. Hasn't happened yet.
3) Telling your trainer how you learn best gets you a blank stare, and then a chat on "Why that won't work".
2) Random meetings with your trainer for him to go over what the word 'counter-offer' means.
1) The word 'think' inspires no belief in your knowledge.

[Rocko]

Top 10 Signs you work at Wal-Mart

1) You can cover 3 departments by yourself on a Saturday

2) You must resist the urge to just hit the dumbasses that decide to stand either in front of the cart rack or in front of the door while pushing in carts

3) You find yourself wondering how many Mickey's you can drink when you get home before you pass out

4) You come in for a closing shift after two days off and a morning of sleeping in, and the second you walk into the store you feel exhausted

5) Coworkers think it's funny to watch you go on a rant in the back room so laden with profanity it would make Chris Rock's ears bleed

6) You manage to keep the phrases "Who gives a fuck?", "Are you going to buy it or not?", and "It's a fucking (insert product type here), not a car!" under check when dealing with someone playing 20 questions about a particular product

7) You start thinking up new profane names for SC's because "Dick", "Bitch", and "Asshole" have become overused and have lost their shock value

8) You automatically go up front when they page for help pushing carts because you know they'll just call you anyways

9) You know what furniture, TV's and exercise equipment you can fit into a Honda

10) When you go in on your day off, you instinctively hide when you see people standing near the furniture department or electronics

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

2) You must resist the urge to just hit the dumbasses that decide to stand either in front of the cart rack or in front of the door while pushing in carts

Also I have to resist the urge to bash into those people who park their cars in front of the entrance for no good reason (not picking up a carryout or anything)

3) You find yourself wondering how many Mickey's you can drink when you get home before you pass out

Substitute MGD for Mickey's.

4) You come in for a closing shift after two days off and a morning of sleeping in, and the second you walk into the store you feel exhausted

I feel exhausted ANYTIME I walk into the store. That place just sucks the life out of me!

5) Coworkers think it's funny to watch you go on a rant in the back room so laden with profanity it would make Chris Rock's ears bleed

Coworkers think it's funny when I do that. The store manager, not so much. He gave me a talking-to last time I dropped an F-Bomb in the backroom when he was around.

7) You start thinking up new profane names for SC's because "Dick", "Bitch", and "Asshole" have become overused and have lost their shock value

"Fuckmonkey"?
"Cocktard"?
"Bloody vaginal belch"?
"Unbelievably tragic result of a horribly mis-aimed handjob?"
"Condom spokesman"?
I'm sure I can think of a few more...

9) You know what furniture, TV's and exercise equipment you can fit into a Honda

Answer: Nothing will fit in a Honda, except the very smallest bookcases and TVs.

10) When you go in on your day off, you instinctively hide when you see people standing near the furniture department or electronics

Furniture department for me, because that's unofficially my department. I spend a lot of time there.

Scary. I don't work at Wally World and almost everything on you rlist applied to me.

[Reyneth]

Top ten signs that you work in a one hour photo lab

11. You'd hate Prom Season more if it wasn't for being able to laugh at the horrible, horrible dresses those girls wear. And hold an employee contest of who can find the worst dress of the day.

[ladyklack]

11. You'd hate Prom Season more if it wasn't for being able to laugh at the horrible, horrible dresses those girls wear. And hold an employee contest of who can find the worst dress of the day.

12. you have to develop 20 disposable cameras from a wedding reception most of which won't come out because it was too dark in the reception hall, and those that do come out are blurry overexposed close-ups of bridemaids cleavage.

13. you dread autumn because as soon as the trees beging to turn everybody and their brother thinks they are a nature photographer.

[B&NGoddess]

top 10 signs you work at a bookstore

1. you need to alphabetize EVERYTHING
2. you DO alphabetize EVERYTHING
3. you have permanent "bargain filth."
4. you have permanent paper cuts
5. paper cuts no longer phase you
6. you have way too many stripped books
7. you have way too many advanced reader copies
8. you straighten another store's books
9. you straighten even when you're just shopping
10. you want to slap people that say they don't read

[Pixagi]

Top Ten Signs you're a Cashier:

1-Your head and the counter are best friends.

2-You barely bat an eye at miss "oh, I want the sale one".

3-Old ladies with vulgar jokes surprise you not.

4-Those people who buy a snickers with their EBT card no longer aggravate the hell out of you.

5-You get a sick joy out of telling people their coupons have expired.

6-You get even more of a thrill when you get to inform people that no, they CAN'T use their EBT card to buy that and no, I WON'T let it slide.

7-WIC checks are Satanic in origin.

8-WIC check users are worse.

9-You are no longer amazed at how many old ladies will try to screw you over.

10-Bottles are also of satanic origin.

[AirHostess]

You know you a flight attendant:

* You carry a personal first aid kit around with you and have tablets and remedies for every conceivable ailment in your handbag

* When someone asks you what a city is like you immediatly talk about how bad/good the hotel is (and forget about the actual city)

* Your hotel taste becomes fussier. What may seem as 5* luxury to someone else becomes to you a filthy cess pit full of ants, dirty carpet and "that rude waiter in the restaurant on the 4th floor"

* You refuse to let anyone sit in your car without a seatbelt on/ you harness your dogs into the back seat with a seatbelt.

* Your wine collection is 50% mini size bottles from the aircraft and hotels.

* You dont buy soap at the supermarket anymore... and your entire family has bathrooms full of hotel ammenity kits.

* Every second thought when booking something is "airline discount?"

* You cant eat slowly even if you try

* When you hear chimes in a shopping centre/restaurant/public place you immediatly look up

*You call the man you bump into "sir" when you apologise

*You carry your passport in your handbag constantly

*You hate the sound of a seatbelt being taken off in the car
before the vehicle comes to a "complete stop"

*When someone asks for directions you point out the road as if indicating an emergency exit

Your mates drop you home and you get out of the car saying "Thank's Driver!"

-You won't let your friends rack-out on the floor at your house 'cos it's a safety hazard.

-When your toilet at home gets dirty you lock it off.

-Hearing about contest offering travel as a prize make you shudder inwardly.

-Your bedroom curtains have been drawn closed for three months straight.

-Any time a light bulb in you house blows you just stick a U/S label on it and carry-on.

[AirHostess]

Oooo and some more:

You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter
>>2. You search for a button to flush the loo
>>3. You look for the "crew line" at the supermarket
>>4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roll-aboard
>>5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them
>>6. You NEVER unpack
>>7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by
>>their faces
>>8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit
>>in the overhead bin
>>9. You care about the local news in a city three states away
>>10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways
>>11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which
>>pertain to vomit
>>12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock
>>13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin
>>14. You don't think in "months"-you think in "bid packs"
>>15. You always point with two fingers
>>16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice
>>17. You stand at the front door and politely say "Buh-bye, thanks,
>>have a nice day" when someone leaves your home
>>18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: "At
>>this time, " "For your safety, " "Feel free, " and "As a reminder"
>>19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues of In Touch,
>>Star, and People magazines
>>20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to
>>make sure the "gauge is in the green"
>>21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows
>>22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure
>>out where you are
>>23. You refer to cities by their airport codes
>>24. Every time the doorbell rings you look at the ceiling.
>>25. You actually understand every item on this list

You think that Subway, Starbucks etc are legitimate places to 'eat out'
- you stand up in your kitchen at home, eating your food as fast as you can, burn your tongue, then wipe your hands and mouth on the curtain when you're done
- you try to put your car door into the 'armed' position
- you sit down at the movies and try to find your seatbelt, then start doing the silent review before the movie starts
- you answer your phone saying "XX at L1, doors are armed and crosschecked"
- When asked for directions to the toilet you use two hands to point....
-everywhere you go you check the emergency exits.

Phew I think that's enough for now.

[RebeccaOTool]

20 Signs that you work in a college office

1. Giving out the same info 50+ times a day is the norm.
2. You learn people don't read ANYTHING.
3. People can't find the sign in computer, even when it's right in front of them and you're touching it.
4. If the mouse for said computer isn't in sight, people will grab the mouse from your computer and try to use it (in midair!!!).
5. Apparently, no one carries a driver's licence, a purse, or a wallet when they leave the house.
6. The letters 'MPT' strike fear into your heart.
7. People will assume everything you tell them is a lie until they hear it from your supervisor.
8. You tell people "No, we are not OU, MSU, or U of M. We are OCC. If you went to the wrong school, its your own fault."
9. You also frequently say "No you cannot come in 10 minutes before closing to try and take a 3 hour final."
10. You have nightmares about the copy card getting lost.
11. You find youreslf ansering the phones "Hello, (office name)" in your 'phone voice' even at home.
12. You know an instructor's file folder better than their face.
13. You can run admission tests in your sleep.
14. The Shredbox. Know it. Fear it.
15. If one tutor calls in sick so will every other one for that subject.
16. You've become very good at dicipering all kinds of accents.
17. You know the way certain instructors run tests, and can make up an exam sheet when they forget.
18. When someone is hesitant to give you their Social Security Number, you get paranoid.
19. You lose faith in the healthcare system, due to the number of failing nursing students.
20. When a single page document comes through the printer, you automaticially look for the rest of it.

[OfficeSlug]

5-You get a sick joy out of telling people their coupons have expired.

GUILTY as charged!!!

[Retail Associate]

Top 10 Signs You Work at Meijer:

(I'll only do 10 'cause 20 is just too depressing)

10. As you leave your house everyday you sing, "This is the way we go to hell, go to hell, go to hell. This is the way we go to hell, so early in the afternoon."

9. As you leave your car in the parking lot and head into the front doors you pray, "Lord, help me make it through the night."

8. Upon arriving at the time clock you are greeted by each frowning associate with, "Another day, another dollar."

7. When you get to your dept, before you can even take your first deep breath, two first shift co-workers throw their phones at you and say, "I'm going on break." And you know you'll not see them again the rest of their shift.

6. After it sinks in that you actually are in Hell, you notice 3-4 carts of returns sitting around that your wonderful first shift co-workers saved just for you.

5. If the manager is anywhere to be seen, she will not greet you with hello but will instead tell you that every rack needs to be coordinated and every table folded. You're convinced that this is all she is capable of saying since you've heard 1,000 times before.

4. You check the schedule to see who you will be working with only to find out there will only be two of you there to cover 7 depts...again.

3. The two phones on your back pockets will start ringing almost immediately and won't stop until you turn them off for the night and head home. And you can't wait until your co-worker goes on her break/lunch because then you'll have 3 phones ringing!

2. You check the fitting rooms only to find clothes thrown everywhere because the rotten, lazy, nasty witches who shop this lousy store can't pick up after themselves and first shift is too good to clean them out once in a while.

1. The phrase that continues to haunt you throughout the night deep in the recesses of your mind "I hate this job. I hate this job. I hate this job." doesn't go away...even when you finally walk out the front doors.

[AFpheonix]

Top 10 signs that you work in a pharmacy:

1) If you can tell the patient exactly what their drug card looks like based on their employer, then you just might be a pharmacy tech.

2) You can look at a random tablet and know what it is based on the imprint.

3) You have giant calves from standing for 8 hours or more straight.

4) You can type with one hand while simultaneously having 2 different phone conversations (as long as both handsets have phone friends attached), and either be filling scripts with the other hand or ringing out a customer.

5) You are unfazed by the random, nasty things people tell you about themselves, simply because you are wearing a white smock.

6) You know the first aid and butt and gut aisle better than the front store staff do

7) you can do an awful lot of mental math quickly and accurately

8) germs really don't faze you anymore, simply because so many sick people troop through daily.

9) Druggies don't faze you either, although some of their antics still piss you off.

10) you've lost your soul dealing with sick, rude, ill-mannered and self-centered customers, but heck, you can still kind of fake empathy for some of them.