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**ThePhoneGoddess** · 04-22-2007, 11:06 AM

Top 10 signs you work in a call center:

You've begun answering your home phone with 'Thank you for calling Bugaboo Cell Company, my name is The Phone Goddess, can I get your mobile number?'

You've figured out how to put puking/throttling/head-desking icons on your work IM's to show your fellow co-irkers how you felt about a certain call sans words.

You've become an expert at feigning ignorance of certain customer issues because management won't allow you to tell the customer why they're REALLY having that problem.

You've become an expert at understanding all sorts of accented English, especially when spoken over a really bad cell phone connection.

Your department has a constant betting pool going, wagering on how long the newest trainees will last. The department manager pretends he doesn't know about it.

You've given up trying to correct all the customers who mispronounce your name. Because even if your name is Jenny, some customer will think you said Denny or Penny and call you that repeatedly, throughout the entire call.

You've given up trying to figure out why someone with such a deep voice insists their name is Norma.

Obscene phone calls have become a source of amusement for you, even when they happen at home. You like to mess with the caller until they hang up, frustrated.

You have perfected the art of speaking coherently while grinding your teeth.

You've figured out how to subtly insult someone's intelligence while being perfectly polite to them.

**booger** · 04-22-2007, 11:59 AM

10 signs you work returns/customer service

1. Stupidity and rudeness don't phase you anymore. It's the expectation, not the exception.

2. Rotten food and used underwear don't gross you out as much as they should.

3. A good percentage of what people return as broken isn't actually broken. As my dad always says, "You have to be smarter than the equipment you operate."

4. You have perfected the art of acting stupid and incapable so that security can take away a scammer before they even realize what's happening.

5. Every once in a while you get an awesome customer who almost makes your job worth doing.

6. Aforementioned customer is followed by 10 idiot customers who remind you how much you don't like your job.

7. Whenever you are out of an item, you are expected to bend over and poo one out of your hiney. But of course it will not be pooey...you shall fart out a trumpet fanfare and the item will slide gracefully down the rainbow that just came out of your butt.

8. The "I'm taking my business somewhere else!" line is the best thing you hear all day. Or it would be if it were true.

9. You come to expect that the customers can't read. If they could, they would understand the return policy.

10. You wonder how people can try and return 10 year old clothes, expired food, items from another store or Christmas decorations in July, and do so with a straight face. And how they can argue with you when you don't take them back.

**blas** · 04-22-2007, 12:15 PM

10 Signs you've worked at a convenience store/gas station:

1) You're definetly no stranger to people with bad attitudes and temper tantrums of toddler-like proportions

2) You hear "But ye manager always lets me" and "Ye manager only charges me $x.xx" and "But ye manager never makes me show ID!" no less than 50 times per shift.

3) You've had customers throw pens and pencils at you, or had customers slam sodas/beers on the counter when they are told something they don't want to hear.

4) You've been the victim in the "It's all YOUR fault that gas prices are so high!" battles. You've also been accused of purposely setting gas prices so high just to "Jew" customers over, and nearly every customer that comes in to pay for their fuel will throw their money or credit cards at you and HARUMMPH at the gas prices, and feel the need to rant and rave at you. Like you haven't already heard it from every other worthless asshole in line today yet.

5) Speaking of throwing money and credit cards.......you have seen credit cards leap like frogs and have had to get on the floor and find change that customers have thrown at you. Nearly every customer that walks in either shoves money in your hands before telling you what they want OR they flop their CC on the counter and bark something at you.

6) No doubt in your mind, customers have all regressed to cavemen. "Ooga Booga, NEWSPAPER!" "SNRRRG.....MARBO REDS BOX!" "Oooga Booga.....RRRR Powerball!" "Snarggfff......Camel lights BOX!"

7) You've nearly had a coronary over the amount of times you'd just cleaned the counters off, when another idiot lotto addict strolls in and buys $50 worth of scratch offs and proceeds to scratch them ALL right at the counter, holding up the line, and then bitches at YOU if they are losers. Bonus points if they flounce off leaving their huge mess for you to clean up.

8) You have had every pickup line in history used on you at least once or twice. You are no stranger to filthy middle aged and elderly men trying to stare at your breasts and your rear end, and you are also no stranger to the cavemen noises they make while doing so. You are also no stranger to the young Don Juan wannabes who think they are smooth as silk and use their "lady catching" skills on you....You have contemplated at least once per shift using the 2x4 behind the counter to whack them across the face.

9) You know suspicious behavior when you see it. Your first instincts are usually always right. You have little red flags that go off with certain customer behaviors. Likewise, you are almost always right when you sense that you are in potential danger or that you should probably call for help.

10) You find it hard to take what customers say with a grain of salt......even though it's a known fact that people are always at their worst at gas stations, you see no reason to take it lightly, you see no reason to excuse this kind of immature, childish behavior.....and you refuse to excuse this behavior. Likewise, you are not the customers' most favorite clerk because of your cynical attitude with them and your no bullshit tolerance.

**Sir Spaniard the 12th** · 04-22-2007, 12:46 PM

Quoth blas87 View Post

10 Signs you've worked at a convenience store/gas station:

1) You're definetly no stranger to people with bad attitudes and temper tantrums of toddler-like proportions

--------------------

9) You know suspicious behavior when you see it. Your first instincts are usually always right. You have little red flags that go off with certain customer behaviors. Likewise, you are almost always right when you sense that you are in potential danger or that you should probably call for help.

10) You find it hard to take what customers say with a grain of salt......even though it's a known fact that people are always at their worst at gas stations, you see no reason to take it lightly, you see no reason to excuse this kind of immature, childish behavior.....and you refuse to excuse this behavior. Likewise, you are not the customers' most favorite clerk because of your cynical attitude with them and your no bullshit tolerance.

All of them were true for me. especially the last two.

But you've left one out. The Gas Station Smoker.

**blas** · 04-22-2007, 12:56 PM

Don't be shy, make your own of the Gas Station Smoker

**Doodad** · 04-22-2007, 02:00 PM

Quoth ThePhoneGoddess View Post

Top 10 signs you work in a call center:

**SNIP**

You have mastered the art of the mute button allowing you to curse the caller even between syllables of conversation.

**Sir Spaniard the 12th** · 04-22-2007, 02:02 PM

I'll do my best.. though I may not make it to ten before I break down.

Top ten signs you work in a 24 hour Convenience Gas station. (Proper term anyone?)

1: Staff come and go before you could be bothered to learn their names.(Or don't even show up for first shift. I think the shortest amount of time I've seen someone work was 10 minutes. Then they just walked out the side and vanished, never to return.. Except as a customer.)

~~2: Customers that become staff think they automatically know everything about the job.~~

2: ALL customers think they know everything about the job.

3: Some customers seem to suddenly lose so many braincells when they pull up, that they think nothing of lighting up while attempting to fill their car.

4: These people will always get angry, until you point out the a) risk, and b) law.
(By which I mean telling them to 'Put the goddamn cigarette out before you kill us all!')

5: Friday and saturday night = drunk people. Many drunk people. Which can lead to several stressful things happening, such as: Accidental Stock damage.
Deliberate Stock Damage.
Vomiting.
Fights between rival groups (if it's outside, then the
door stays locked.)
Arrogance toward staff. (Luckily we all got on, and
took no crap from anyone, so they generally
didn't stay that way long)

6: If a person's car is on fire or overheating, they WILL stop on the property.

7: They'll expect you to have knowledge of how to fix any problem they have with their car, despite the fact you're not a mechanic. Doubly so if it's an extremely rare car.

8: If a nearby party gets broken up because it's gotten out of hand, they'll all come straight to you. (It's very disconcerting when there are suddenly 75-100 people milling about drinking and arguing about stuff.)

9: Over time, you'll become cynical, jaded, and find your sense of humour is black as tar.
(Though this may be true of most retail/customer based work)

10: There will always be a 'That Guy/Girl' as an employee who will have no common sense whatsoever, and cause dangerous situations constantly. (Hi Andy. Set yourself on fire yet?)

------

11: Yes, we know you are going to do something. We do get a sense of these things. Usually the moment you step in the door we know you'll steal/abuse/fight/hissy fit/make outrageous complaints. No we won't take it. Put it back/get out/feel my wrath/no one's listening/no you can't have (x) because you dropped (y) outside.

12: The person behind the counter runs the place of a night. Thus, he/she, though in uniform, is The Law. Toilet's for staff? Then it's for staff. Asked to leave? There's a reason.

13: Night time power outages cause you to become deaf to any customer that thinks you have the ability to stay open. Also leads to mastering the 'blank stare'.

14: Coffee/energy drink is your best friend in the world.

**draftermatt** · 04-22-2007, 02:22 PM

The Top 20 Signs You Work in Drafting

1. You feel you are smarter than most engineers, architects, and builders despite having no degree or at the most an Associates Degree

2. You have ever said "All architects are just educated and failed artists" or "Architects and engineers are all idiots"

3. You have gotten into arguments with Architects, engineers, builders about what can be done with what you design every day. Newsflash, I only work with this stuff, chances are if I tell you it won't work then it won't work. Don't insult me by saying "this is an easy thing to make" Really? then you make it.

4. You have used the F word profusely while telling and Architect, engineer, or builder that they are idiots.

5. When people come in for an interview and tell you that they read somewhere that drafters start at $15 per hour, you ask where they read this so you can beat that writer to death. NOONE I know has ever started at that much without a lot of expierence, and a degree or a few classes isn't going to cut it. (I know people that gave up drafting for truck driving because there was no money in it).

6. You've gotten quotes on drafting work from independent people and it's always upwards of $10,000, and you wonder again about starting to do it on your own too. But you realize the only reason you got the quote was because they called begging to quote something because they are doing no work.

7. You and your friends/teachers/bosses tell horror stories of things people have wanted designed.

8. When you go to amusement parks you look at the rides and try to figure out how they were designed.

9. You have dared your boss to fire you, because you know he can't find somone off the street who knows the stuff. It takes a lot of training.

10. You have AutoCAD (or whatever you are using) on every computer you use.

11. You can design a 15 story building with two stair towers in an 8 hour day

12. You have come to expect that architects and engineers drawings will have mistakes and you look for them before you start drawing.

13. Your hair is going prematurely gray and your belly and ass are growing.

14. When you talk to others in your profession and say "this is going to drive me to drink" their response is "you should start drinking, it will help"

15. It amazes you how bad drafting and design has gotten in just the past 5 years. And your boss tells you how bad its gotten in the past 40!

16. You have recieved drawings where the building is full of made up dimensions. They wanted it be 3'-0", so rather than draw it that way they drew it 3'-4 5/8" and forced the dimensions to say 3'-0".

17. You get calls from engineers asking for advice on designing this new _____ they are working on.

18. In actuallity you hate to draw (art class stuff) but you love this profession.

19. You design things on your own time for fun.

20. Your family never asks about work because they hate hearing you start ranting about how "so and so screwed this up"

**ladyklack** · 04-22-2007, 02:53 PM

Top ten signs that you work in a one hour photo lab

1) You get yelled at by a customer for being unable to process their 20 rolls of vacation pictures in one hour.

2) You get yelled at WHENEVER you can’t process film in one hour, especially during the weekends in the summer.

3) You notice that the customers yelling at you because they can’t get the one hour processing usually don’t come back for their photos until the following week anyway.

4) The customers that you think are nice and tell you to take your time with the photos show up exactly one hour later demanding to know why they aren’t done yet.

5) When you actually have time to promise the film to the customer for one hour, they show up 45 minutes later and stand there at the counter blocking the line until their pictures are done.

6) Just when you get a rhythm going, the machine breaks down and you have to call every customer and tell them their film won’t be ready until tomorrow.

7) Half the customers you’ve just called and directly spoken to (not left a message for or anything) will show up anyway “just to check to see if their film is done” and when it’s not, they yell at you for wasting their time and making them come all the way down there.

8) If you EVER manage to get one roll of film done one time, the customer will insist that you help him/her (usually her) pick out the perfect frame for each and every photo, making the ten other rolls you have to do late.

9) Whenever the machines jam, glitch, needs chemicals, or gives any type of error message, they beep at you. The beep is EXACTLY the same no matter what the problem is. However, because the machines mess up so often, you’ve developed the ability to know HOW the machines are screwing up just by listening to the beeps; even when you are all the way across the store.

10) You end your day with the store manager sitting you down and telling you that you need to improve your on time percentage, even though he showed up four hours late for his eight hour shift leaving you alone for most of the day.

**ominousoat** · 04-22-2007, 03:24 PM

Since gas stations and call centers are taken I'll have to reach into my early years for: The Top 10 Signs you Work at a Grocery Store.

1.) You know what they're saying on the intercoms at other grocery stores.

2.) Your first reaction is to respond (or flee) from the intercom messages at other stores.

3.) You know what "facing" and "rotating" are.

4.) You try to face and rotate at other stores (still do this, 5 years later.)

5.) You've learned the names of your local crazy cat ladies cats since you have to be her cashier every freaking time.

6.) You also know every minority "General Sherman" hates because you have to be his cashier every freaking time.

7.) You can read the Julian code without even thinking about it.

8.) You can load a pricing gun without even thinking about it.

9.) You know how to open up those damned plastic bags without even having to lick your fingers.

10.) You can name the suggester retail price for all of the sale items in your grocery store and other grocery stores.

**SongsOfDragons** · 04-22-2007, 03:27 PM

Draftermatt, my dad is a technical draughtsman in the petrochem business - a lot of the oil rigs in the North Sea might probably have his name on the blueprints. I think he'd agree with you on many points - and that AutoCAD thing's true for me, 'cause I have my dad's copy of MicroStation on my laptop I'm gradually learning how to use!!

**Kara** · 04-22-2007, 03:37 PM

More top ten signs you work in a call center:

10. You mutter "the charge is valid" in your sleep.
9. You can successfully respond to any question by saying "Let me research that for you," so you can go pee or get some more coffee before your next break.
8. If you don't drink a constant supply of Mountain Dew and/or coffee, you'll get blood in your caffeine vessels.
7. You can make anyone believe you're a highly trained expert even though you have no idea what baloney is spewing out of your mouth.
6. You laugh anytime you hear anyone mention the Better Business Bureau.
5. You grow concerned that there is a mass exodus to China and that there won't be any customers left by the end of the week. In fact, forget customers, everyone in the nation is fleeing. Do they know something I don't?
4. You can be sincere and empathetic when it's not your fault without triggering your gag reflex.
3. You see someone throw, smash, run over, or otherwise destroy their phone and think "That's not covered by the warranty."
2. If any friend or family member even casually mentions going to another service provider, you threaten to take their new phone, turn it sideways, and stick it where the sun don't shine.
1. You still don't pay your own bills on time.

**Kara** · 04-22-2007, 03:43 PM

Quoth ominousoat View Post

You try to face and rotate at other stores (still do this, 5 years later.)

What I still do 5 years later:

You get impatient while the cashier is fumbling through his/her book and just tell them the codes for produce and veggies.

Cashier: Uh...hmm... Bananas. Bananas.
You: 4011.
Cashier: Whoa. Ok, uh...apples. Jonathan Apples..
You: Gala, actually. 4135.
Cashier: Whoa. You're good at this.
You: Yeah, you know what, Sparky? Just let me take over.

Hooray for the creator of Self Checkout.

**Shironu-Akaineko** · 04-22-2007, 04:21 PM

Quoth booger View Post

10. You wonder how people can try and return 10 year old clothes, expired food, items from another store or Christmas decorations in July, and do so with a straight face. And how they can argue with you when you don't take them back.

And how they actually manage to get it done by a head cashier no smarter than a peanut.

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