Top 20 Signs That You Work in a (Insert employment)

[ominousoat]

Okay, okay I'll have to contribute a bit to the call center one, signs 11-15

11.) You have developed a 'phone voice' and you use it on any phone, at work or home. It is rich, spoken from the diaphragm, and features excellent diction.


12.) If someone walks up and asks you a question you suddenly start using your phone voice and say "One moment while I research this."


13.) You can't call any customer service lines without wondering if they're snickering at you on the other line.


14.) You've had your life threatened more times than you can count, and it still doesn't faze you.


15.) You're capable of typing up a top 10 (or 5) list while talking to a customer.

[Dreamstalker]

Ten signs you're a freelance hardware tech (in no particular order):

--only one computer in the room (yours) is virus-free
--only that computer is allowed to connect to the internet ever
--you own a large number of cheap USB thumbdrives for file transfers/sacrificial goats to the possessed boxen that are not allowed on the internet
--large amount of stuffed animals owned, but for something to beat on (doesn't leave dents in the walls)
--more PC parts than clothes
--you've tried to overclock the coffeemaker
--you've ever "bonded" with a $OEM tech over the phone
--salesmen in the computer store you once applied to ask you for opinions
--you can tolerate luserspeak, and actually know what they're trying to say
--you have the ability to make some misbehaving devices work again just by looking at them the right way and/or threatening to take them apart

[booger]

What I still do 5 years later:

You get impatient while the cashier is fumbling through his/her book and just tell them the codes for produce and veggies.

Cashier: Uh...hmm... Bananas. Bananas.
You: 4011.
Cashier: Whoa. Ok, uh...apples. Jonathan Apples..
You: Gala, actually. 4135.
Cashier: Whoa. You're good at this.
You: Yeah, you know what, Sparky? Just let me take over.

Hooray for the creator of Self Checkout.

Yes, this. I work in a retail/grocery store. I started as a cashier but now I am at the service desk. It's sort of sad when I am out helping a cashier (or manager, if we're really busy) bag the items and they have to fumble with the produce list because they don't know the PLUs for the easy fruits and veggies.

[Pezzle]

Top 10 Signs That You Work in Retail Computer Repair:

-- You've written "Problem in 8th Layer of OSI model" on a work order
-- You've charged 120 dollars to format a hard drive and install Windows.
-- You've been threatened with violence because that 120 dollars is too much.
-- You can decipher "Linksys Wireless G Router" from "That boxy thing with the blue front and the wire thingies, you know, that thing.."
-- You've done 4 complete virus removals in 3 hours, working on them all at the same time.
-- You managed to do aforementioned virus removals whilst also selling computers and ringing them up on some ancient POS.
-- You're well versed in hearing "So how about a multiple service/repeat customer discount" and it makes your blood boil every time.
-- You've ever had to turn away customers wanting a new DC jack soldered in on their laptop (nope, retail certification doesnt get that good )
-- You've ever dealt with a guy trying to get a replacement laptop without an extended warranty -- and he's spilled iced tea in his keyboard.
-- You're expected to know every technical detail about every product on every shelf in the department. (So, how many transistors does this slingbox have in it if you're so good? -_-)

[PaperKitty]

Top 10 signs that you work in a {local} coffeeshop

1. You KNOW that 1 out of every 3 people will miss the 3 cash only signs on thier way to the counter, ignore the one on the counter.. then get hopping mad because you don't take thier credit card ..

2. You have sweet, beautiful dreams of drowning someone in a bucket of iced coffee.

3. you have burn marks all over you.

4. when someone says double skinny split shot dry cappucchino .. you're right on it.

5. you can bore holes into someones skull with just your eyes when they come up and say "do you have a frappichino thing?.. you know..it's cold..and it tastes good"

6. you gain like a pound a day because almond croissants are fantastic

7. youve become accustomed to people not tipping you on speciality coffee drinks .. because most of those people live only inside of thier own rectum.

8. you constantly shake because the espresso has entered through your pores and into your blood stream & when you sweat..you smell like coffee

9. you know that "wow, look at that froth" & "look at how creamy youve made it" .. isn't sexual .. unless it's friday .. because fridays are "sexual harrassment fridays"

10. you know the difference between a raspberry croissant and a JELLY DONUT!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Top 10 signs you work in my store:

1. You spend your breaks with your face buried in your shirt because the breakroom smells like vomit, thanks to the old, dirty, stinky water the cleaning guy uses to mop the floor.

2. You notice the paper towels and TP in the restrooms are the same kinds we sell, because we had to recquisition those items off the shelf because we ran out and couldn't get a fresh shipment in time.

3. You spend a lot of time putting the aisle identification signs back on the gondolas after they fall, because they're only held to the gondolas by a couple strips of double-stick tape.

4. Two words: Code Pink!

5. You are called in to cover endless shifts because of those co-workers who constantly NCNS but still manage to keep their jobs.

6. You spend half your shift running up to the front to change your scanner battery every half-hour, because that's how long they last before going stone cold dead.

7. You know who "The fingerpainter" is, and know not to visit the restroom after she has.

8. Your greatest thrill at work is driving the motorized handicapped cart back to the charger when the customer who previously used it failed to do so.

9. You wonder which company makes the pink toilet bowl cleaner.

10. You know what "star courtesy" is and to make yourself scarce when it's paged over the PA.

[Argabarga]

Top 20 signs you work in security

20 Watching cement dry doesn’t get any more exciting if you’re being paid to do it.

19 You’ve seriously contemplated marrying the dispatcher, she’s always there for you, why not return the favor?

18 You begin to suspect that all that is required to get a driver’s license is to have a pulse, corpses could probably get a learner’s permit if they haven’t fully rotted away.

17 You learn there are indeed 24 hours in a day, and during some of them, it’s quite possible everyone but you is asleep.

16 Blocking roads off gives people the uncontrollable urge to want to drive down them, even if they’ve never had a valid reason to do so their entire lives. A 30 foot hole in the pavement will not deter them.

15 You discover it’s frighteningly easy to steal a car

14 People seem to think that they’re immune to traffic law if they pay their taxes. Typical conversation: “I can’t park here?!” “No sir, that’s a fire lane” “I PAY MY TAXES!” That’s nice sir, wouldn’t want a fine and upstanding citizen like yourself to end up in the Federal pokey for not payin’ their taxes, still can’t park here though.

13 Hearing radio static makes you reach for your belt, to adjust the Motorola you no longer wear because you’ve been out of security for 7 years, old habits do in fact die hard.

12 You unconsciously lapse into using traffic hand signals in your normal day’s work. Your friends find it weird you need to motion with your hands while telling them to “come over here for a second”

11 You’ve threatened to ticket your pets

10 You’ve directed traffic in your sleep

9 You can identify any make or model of car from the back, 2 blocks away, at night

8 You realize that the greatest symbol of humanity isn’t a cross, or a star, but an EMT hustling in the door.

7 You can identify a radio transmission that’s coming from a helicopter vs. one from a ground unit by sound alone.

6 You find yourself saying “Riot in progress” in the exact same tone of voice you’d say “And I’d like that super-sized” or “No I’m not interested in changing long distance carriers.”

5 You decided that 3 things are constant in the universe. People who drive big cars have a lot of ego, people who drive small cars have a lot of anger, people who drive beat up cars have nothing left to lose, so don’t tempt them….

4 You’re still trying to figure out what part of “Stop” is so hard to understand

3 Red and blue lights don’t even faze you anymore, but amber colored ones are the stuff of your nightmares. (Road closed means road closed, even if you signal, Kreskin….)

2 You know for a fact how fast a lit traffic flare can burn through a tire, a plastic barricade, and your pants, respectively.

1 The chances of a game going into double-overtime is inversely proportional to how bad the weather outside at your traffic position is.

[ChanceNCinny]

Ten Signs You Work at Gym:

10. Even though the gym has personal trainers members still ask you how to best work out their biceps, etc.
9. You have become an expert in “gym math.” Whereby you can determine that if a member says that he/she worked out for 60 minutes they actually did 35 minutes of talking and 25 minutes of working out.
8. You have become adept at ignoring the strange noises male members make when weight lifting.
7. You know when it is a bad time to enter the locker rooms. - No one needs to see people their grandparents’ age walking around naked. Especially if they are prone to stopping you and asking you questions while they are naked.
6. You know that any aerobic class comprised of more than 50% of seniors will consist mostly of exercises benefiting the jaw.
5. You refuse to touch used towels without gloves and know better then to look too closely at them or unfold them.
4. You are asked daily how to work the stationary bike; despite the bright yellow “start” button right in the middle of the control.
3. You ask a member to clean their machine when done and they reply “But I don’t work out enough to sweat!”
2. You have become used to see people for 2-3 months and then not seeing them again until New Year Resolutions/Holidays.
1. You have learned how to not laugh when a very overweight woman says she wants J-Lo’s body in time for her cruise; six months from now.

[Arcade Man D]

The top 10 signs you work in an arcade.

10. You do not get thrown when people ask if you sell video games/consoles/accessories, and, in fact, use that as a seque to mention the used cabinets that you do have for sale.

9. You no longer refer to arcade games as games, but as cabinets.

8. You ascribe personality traits to the cabinets where you work.

7. You have mall security's number stored on your cellphone

6. You can fix a token jam consisting of roughly 20 tokens, 2 nickels, a quarter, and four pennies in under a minute.

5. You can fix a ticket jam in half a minute.

4. You manage to teach yourself how to replace a bad token mech.

3. You can swap out a proprietary motherboard with minimal fuss.

2. You find yourself liking pennies, as you find them on the floor all the time, and they have given you enough money for lunch before.

And the number one way you know you work in an arcade....

1. You yell at customers who shake machines..... and get praised for it.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

The top 10 signs you work in my Bakery...

10. You gain a pound for every scrap of food you eat, but lose it lifting heavy boxes of raw frozen dough.

9. You cringe when you hear "Bakery employee at the Cash, please".

8. You have a heart attack at least once a day because the stupid fscklard on the other side opened the backdoor without swiping his card in, causing the alarm to blare.

7. You have to physically push customers out of your EMPLOYEES ONLY space.

6. You curse the architect every half hour for sticking your department in the tiny space behind the WALL OF BEER(tm).

5. You HAVE to help a customer when you're on break, yet nobody will get off their fat arses to help YOU, wether they're on break or not.

4. You have to write novels on slippery cakes as big as a titmouse.

3. You have to explain 3 times that no, you do not make the cakes, nor do you decorate them here.

2. You burn customers on purpose to prove the bread is fresh.

1. You think a day with 5 children screaming, 2 teens on Heelies, 3 angry women and the one pervy old man groping your hands is a GOOD day.

[Buglady]

Signs that you work for an educational psychologist:

5) You have chased your boss down the hallway because he has a client in two minutes and he's heading for his car, for no apparent reason

4) You can correctly pull any one of 350 client files based on the psychologist's request for "that nice little girl, I think her name starts with K" (it was a boy, and the name started with G; I got it first try)

3) You can spot a child with ADHD at fifty paces with a 90% accuracy rate

2) You've seriously considered putting Ritalin in the office water cooler, because 5 out of the 6 staff have ADHD

1) Your friends and family have banned you from talking about any issue relating to Learnign disabilities and ADHD!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Here's my top ten (DSD Receiver version

10) You can scan reclaim, smoke a cigarette, enjoy a Carmel Macchiato and nap at the same time

9) You can automatically change a printer ribbon or fix a paper jam while on the phone trying to track down the missing Coke truck

8) You know which vendor is outside the door BEFORE you get back there just by the time of day and/or day of the week

7) You can enter in the 4 page Pepsi delivery ticket into the computer, finalize it, print it and have it signed before Lee can get the 15 pallets off the back of the truck and hauled down the hallway to the receiving area

6) The first words out of your mouth when you see the Coke merchandiser is "How late do we think it'll be before Brad gets here with the drop?"

5) You can check in 3 or more vendors, fix the printer jam and enter in the Pepsi ticket before the 15 pallets are all done AND still know what's coming in and going out

4) You know the store manager's user ID and password to manually finalize the vendor tickets better than he does and he has to come ask YOU what it is

3) You call your Wiseguy before you get to work to remind him about the 3 hutches that should have come off the floor and the 3 banana boxes of out of dates/damages that need to be credited out

2) You know better than the store manager where your vendors are at any given moment and what time they'l be there without having to call any of them

1) You have all your vendors' phone numbers memorized - even after you've been transferred to another store and are working in a different department.

[unholypet]

Top 10 for a Pizza Place with a Buffet

1.) NO I don't know why you can't find a seat! It's 6p.m. on a weekend and everyone else is so full!

2.) Yes, it is IMPOSSIBLE to make and cook a pizza in less than 5min.!

3.) I AM NOT A DAYCARE CENTER! Take your kid to the bathroom, or teach them to BEHAVE, if you don't want them running off.

4.) I will clean your table, plates, silverware with boogers, the trash on the floor, the toilet you piss in, and even the areas your feet touch, but I will NOT clean your baby's wet pants in the kitchen.

5.) When you see a yellow sign or two around what appears to be a slick floor, PLEASE fall and trip over it when you are running to the buffet for some chocolate. Make sure you crack your head so I can clean it again.

6.) I need your address if I'm going to send you a pizza. Yes, your name. Yes, you have to pay for it. Yes, it's not a free pizza day. Yes, they have to come to your house.

7.) Don't let your 5yr old kid get his/her/its own food from the buffet. They aren't tall enough to reach it, they can't steady something like that, and they don't work well with salad tongs. Not to mention the scalding lights and buffet table, heaven forbid your child throw pizza on someone else.

8.) When you yell at me, I am likely not to serve you. I don't care if you're a regular, you're just another topping to me.

9.) We're not (insert other company) and we don't take their coupons or their specials. YES, I am very sure.

10.) PLEASE come get an employee when you throw up. No one else wants to slide in your vomit, and we sure as heck don't want a law suit.

[TheRoo]

Top ten signs you work at a pizza delivery place

10. You know the customers adress, even though they're too stupid to give you a correct one (happens so much I want to cry).

9. You know how to get from 27th and Roosevelt back to the store hitting only one stoplight (took me forever to figure this one out).

8. You have ESP, and can tell when a customer wants you to call them on a cell phone number that they didn't give you instead of the phone number they did give you (how can they be so dumb?).

7. You know every hotel doorman downtown, and he lets you park wherever you want (hotel doormen rock!!!).

6. You know every building downtown, and how much you should look forward to or dread each delivery.

5. The police let you park where you shouldn't.

4. The parking patrol doesn't.

3. You have people call you on your cell phone, because they saw it on their caller ID, and wonder who you are, and they are confused when you explain to them that you just delivered them a pizza (seriously, how can they be so dumb?)

2. You work with whiny brats who think doing dishes is beneath them (about half of the drivers).

And the number one sign you work at a pizza delivery place . . . .


1. You don't like pizza anymore, but eat it anyways.

[saint]

To add some to the pizza lists:

1. You smell like garlic. Sometimes even on days off.

2. So do your clothes.

3. and shoes.

4. and room.

5. Try as you might, you only eat cold pizza.

6. Anchovys/shrimp/oyster/feta cheese pizza doesn't phaze you.