Tweet
Like the old head inmates sizing up the fresh fish coming off the prison bus for the first time, it's always fun to look at the new crop of incoming students, and guess who's gonna be the first one to break down and cry upon learning that a fire lane is NOT a free parking spot, amongst other rookie mistakes. And what a bunch of rookies we have. Behold!
It's All the Same if it's Paved, Right?
No, Miss, you did not park at your designated lot, you parked in someone else's where the permits and rules of yours do not apply. No, they are not "the same lot". No, they were not "all connected", that patch of pavement that you claim "connects" the lot you were SUPPOSED to be in to the one you were in ILLEGALLY, is the STREET that runs BETWEEN them. You were on the WRONG side of the street. And you're on the WRONG side of this argument (the losing side) and maybe one day you'll wander over to the WRONG side of the tracks and learn what real misfortune is, as opposed to the self-inflicted kind you're currently whining about.
Remember just because you can drive there, doesn't mean it's LEGAL. I'm willing to bet there's a series of completely legal turns and straights I could take on public roads that would end my trip right at the White House, but If I pulled into the drive unannounced, I'm also willing to bet I'd get a quick visit by some nice young men with guns..... you should know that just because nobody's stopping you doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
You had ONE job......
Yes, you have a permit for space #22. Only problem is, that's only good for space 22 at YOUR building. It doesn't work at space #22 at the building NEXT DOOR to yours. You parked in the WRONG lot. That's why you got towed away.
No, we won't waive the tow fees. No, we certainly won't be waiving the storage fees for it taking two days for you to notice your manhood enhancement device, er, I'm sorry, your Hummer H2 was missing. No, this is not a mistake, well, not OURS per say. No, we did nothing wrong at all, this one is all on you, Bro. Pay attention next time to your surroundings, that space was clearly and fully along the wall to a building that was NOT the one you just rented at, didn't that seem like something was amiss? That you rented in location "A", but parked at location "B"?
Oh, who am I kidding, you're one of those bros who probably draws dicks in the snow/dirt that sticks to the windshields of cars as you walk by them, convinced you're the first person in world history to ever come up with the gut-bustingly HILARIOUS
notion to do that. I'll bet your facebook page is a neverending cavalcade of selfies taken in a gym weightroom. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate bros? Cuz' I do.
Why Get Just One Thing Wrong?
White out? On an ORANGE permit? To try and extend the dates? And that was LAST semester's permit? You did notice that, right? How the ones from this year are kind of a little too blue to be orange? Oh, and your property was sold to a different reality conglomerate over the Summer, so not only is it the wrong color, it now has the wrong property management company's name on it. And, they even put a warning on the car that you were in imminent danger of a tow if you didn't do something about your bad permit, rapidly? A warning you just turned over and wrote on the backside that you'd get a permit "Soon"? Yeah, that wasn't quick enough, considering you got towed the very next day.
Color me not surprised when the maintenance man came over to chat with me while we were clearing the lot and told me you're a problem tenant they're taking to court over unpaid back rent.
Just another unfortunate soul trying to play the game or life on "Expert" difficulty right out of the box and in imminent danger of a rage quit as a result. Start easy and level up, man! LEVEL UP! It took me 5 years to grind my way to Lv. 92 Tow Paladin, and even I don't have access to the "immolate stupid customer" spell yet. YET!
Habitual Offender
When the semester started, you parked your car at a parking meter, and didn't pay it. It rapidly racked up four tickets for that and got towed away, spent several days impounded too before you came to get it. Bill for that misadventure? $260.
You retrieved it and promptly stuck it in some apartment's lot. One you, SURPRIZE! didn't have permission to be in as you don't even LIVE there. They warn you once to get a permit, then start issuing tickets, and on the 3rd day, having ignored them all, you get towed away. It takes another 3 days before you notice your car is once again, MIA, and you owe storage, again.
Bill for Misadventure II, Return of the Tow? $205 (Sequels just never earn the same box office as the original, do they?) By my rough math, here it is, two weeks into the new semester, and, your car has spent 11 of 14 possible days either illegally parked or impounded and cost you at least $465. Hope your education is in a very lucrative career indeed with high earning potential, if this current trend continues, you'll have some very very high debts indeed upon graduation.
Note-Worthy
Week wouldn't be complete without a don't-tow-me note, right? Everyone loves those!
Well, that's the problem when you think... or try to think.... obviously, that circuit is dead. How do I know? Because you apparently have rented for the semester at 200 N Fish St. You have a permit in the car that said so. And, as I stand reading your "please don't" note, I'm standing at the lot at 200 S Fish St. Where the permits for a place FOUR BLOCKS AWAY in the OTHER CARDINAL DIRECTION owned by a DIFFERENT landlord are NO GOOD!!!!
Didn't that set off at least one alarm bell in your head? That it didn't seem all that logical that the place you rented from, that obviously HAS a PARKING LOT ON THE PROPERTY (otherwise, why issue permits?) would NOT let you use it and force you to park FOUR BLOCKS away? Obviously you got an inkling that such was a bit odd, which is why you left that note... as opposed to actually, oh, I don't know, asking your landlord where to park? Asking a flatmate where the parking was? Reading your rental contract? Nah, just leave a note, saying you THINK this is right.... Honey, do they tend to charge you $115 for RIGHT answers to something? Think about THAT. Meanwhile, I'll be over here, THINKING about how long I have to wait before I can start drinking today and not look desperate.
It gets worse. Your note was also on top of a warning to move the car as it didn't belong at 200 S Fish, you either didn't notice it, or didn't/couldn't read it, because, I'll say it again: YOUR note was ON TOP of it. You STILL thought you were in the right, even as you were placing your note on top of one that said "You are wrong, madam/sir! WRONG! May God have mercy on your soul!"
I'm glad I'm not your professor this semester, I can't imagine having to deal with three months of answers you THINK are right in the face of overwhelming proof that they are not.
Even better, they called the landlord and complained about getting towed, (complete with the waterworks, there is NO CRYING in this game!)The landlord called us, we explained what happened, and even the landlord had to concede "Well, if that's the case, there's no helping stupid". On to our next note.
Why it's not a problem your imminence! Just summarily giving yourself parking privileges wherever thy majesty sees fit to is no problem at all! Because I just SOLVED that problem by having YOU towed, thy highness! And your note was an ODIOUS LIE madam! You didn't call looking for that car until at least a quarter after!
The only thing worse than an arrogant sovereign, is an arrogant LYING sovereign! And now, on to our final note.
So, you've been towed before, apparently know exactly WHY you were towed before, then went back there and did nothing to rectify the reasons for the first tow? Well, brownie points for at least being polite, but, that and $115 will get your car back. Insanity IS, it would appear, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Oh, and for what it's worth buttercup, a different driver got you this time, according to the log book, so I didn't tow you again.
I Can Only Warn You, I Can't Make You Believe It.
The sign says "Violators towed 24 hours" Guess what? That's 24 hours, ALL IN A ROW. 3am is included in that. No, I don't find it hard to believe we towed you
at 3am, says right on the paperwork that that's exactly when you got the hook.
No, I don't think we had anything better to do at that hour that tow cars. Maybe, if we were, oh, I dunno, a pastry shop, or a dairy farm, you'd have gotten somewhere with that argument. But, we're a 24 hour towing service, and you're living proof that we mean what we say on the big sign out front. You wouldn't want us to get in trouble for false advertizing would you???
More to come soon, as it's a HOME FOOTBALL WEEKEND!!!!!!!
It's All the Same if it's Paved, Right?
No, Miss, you did not park at your designated lot, you parked in someone else's where the permits and rules of yours do not apply. No, they are not "the same lot". No, they were not "all connected", that patch of pavement that you claim "connects" the lot you were SUPPOSED to be in to the one you were in ILLEGALLY, is the STREET that runs BETWEEN them. You were on the WRONG side of the street. And you're on the WRONG side of this argument (the losing side) and maybe one day you'll wander over to the WRONG side of the tracks and learn what real misfortune is, as opposed to the self-inflicted kind you're currently whining about.
Remember just because you can drive there, doesn't mean it's LEGAL. I'm willing to bet there's a series of completely legal turns and straights I could take on public roads that would end my trip right at the White House, but If I pulled into the drive unannounced, I'm also willing to bet I'd get a quick visit by some nice young men with guns..... you should know that just because nobody's stopping you doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
You had ONE job......
Yes, you have a permit for space #22. Only problem is, that's only good for space 22 at YOUR building. It doesn't work at space #22 at the building NEXT DOOR to yours. You parked in the WRONG lot. That's why you got towed away.
No, we won't waive the tow fees. No, we certainly won't be waiving the storage fees for it taking two days for you to notice your manhood enhancement device, er, I'm sorry, your Hummer H2 was missing. No, this is not a mistake, well, not OURS per say. No, we did nothing wrong at all, this one is all on you, Bro. Pay attention next time to your surroundings, that space was clearly and fully along the wall to a building that was NOT the one you just rented at, didn't that seem like something was amiss? That you rented in location "A", but parked at location "B"?
Oh, who am I kidding, you're one of those bros who probably draws dicks in the snow/dirt that sticks to the windshields of cars as you walk by them, convinced you're the first person in world history to ever come up with the gut-bustingly HILARIOUS
notion to do that. I'll bet your facebook page is a neverending cavalcade of selfies taken in a gym weightroom. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate bros? Cuz' I do. Why Get Just One Thing Wrong?
White out? On an ORANGE permit? To try and extend the dates? And that was LAST semester's permit? You did notice that, right? How the ones from this year are kind of a little too blue to be orange? Oh, and your property was sold to a different reality conglomerate over the Summer, so not only is it the wrong color, it now has the wrong property management company's name on it. And, they even put a warning on the car that you were in imminent danger of a tow if you didn't do something about your bad permit, rapidly? A warning you just turned over and wrote on the backside that you'd get a permit "Soon"? Yeah, that wasn't quick enough, considering you got towed the very next day.
Color me not surprised when the maintenance man came over to chat with me while we were clearing the lot and told me you're a problem tenant they're taking to court over unpaid back rent.
Just another unfortunate soul trying to play the game or life on "Expert" difficulty right out of the box and in imminent danger of a rage quit as a result. Start easy and level up, man! LEVEL UP! It took me 5 years to grind my way to Lv. 92 Tow Paladin, and even I don't have access to the "immolate stupid customer" spell yet. YET!
Habitual Offender
When the semester started, you parked your car at a parking meter, and didn't pay it. It rapidly racked up four tickets for that and got towed away, spent several days impounded too before you came to get it. Bill for that misadventure? $260.
You retrieved it and promptly stuck it in some apartment's lot. One you, SURPRIZE! didn't have permission to be in as you don't even LIVE there. They warn you once to get a permit, then start issuing tickets, and on the 3rd day, having ignored them all, you get towed away. It takes another 3 days before you notice your car is once again, MIA, and you owe storage, again.
Bill for Misadventure II, Return of the Tow? $205 (Sequels just never earn the same box office as the original, do they?) By my rough math, here it is, two weeks into the new semester, and, your car has spent 11 of 14 possible days either illegally parked or impounded and cost you at least $465. Hope your education is in a very lucrative career indeed with high earning potential, if this current trend continues, you'll have some very very high debts indeed upon graduation.
Note-Worthy
Week wouldn't be complete without a don't-tow-me note, right? Everyone loves those!
"Don't tow me! I think this is the right place"
Well, that's the problem when you think... or try to think.... obviously, that circuit is dead. How do I know? Because you apparently have rented for the semester at 200 N Fish St. You have a permit in the car that said so. And, as I stand reading your "please don't" note, I'm standing at the lot at 200 S Fish St. Where the permits for a place FOUR BLOCKS AWAY in the OTHER CARDINAL DIRECTION owned by a DIFFERENT landlord are NO GOOD!!!!
Didn't that set off at least one alarm bell in your head? That it didn't seem all that logical that the place you rented from, that obviously HAS a PARKING LOT ON THE PROPERTY (otherwise, why issue permits?) would NOT let you use it and force you to park FOUR BLOCKS away? Obviously you got an inkling that such was a bit odd, which is why you left that note... as opposed to actually, oh, I don't know, asking your landlord where to park? Asking a flatmate where the parking was? Reading your rental contract? Nah, just leave a note, saying you THINK this is right.... Honey, do they tend to charge you $115 for RIGHT answers to something? Think about THAT. Meanwhile, I'll be over here, THINKING about how long I have to wait before I can start drinking today and not look desperate.
It gets worse. Your note was also on top of a warning to move the car as it didn't belong at 200 S Fish, you either didn't notice it, or didn't/couldn't read it, because, I'll say it again: YOUR note was ON TOP of it. You STILL thought you were in the right, even as you were placing your note on top of one that said "You are wrong, madam/sir! WRONG! May God have mercy on your soul!"
I'm glad I'm not your professor this semester, I can't imagine having to deal with three months of answers you THINK are right in the face of overwhelming proof that they are not.
Even better, they called the landlord and complained about getting towed, (complete with the waterworks, there is NO CRYING in this game!)The landlord called us, we explained what happened, and even the landlord had to concede "Well, if that's the case, there's no helping stupid". On to our next note.
I'm across the street, I'll be here until 3:00, call me at XXX-XXXX if this is a problem
Why it's not a problem your imminence! Just summarily giving yourself parking privileges wherever thy majesty sees fit to is no problem at all! Because I just SOLVED that problem by having YOU towed, thy highness! And your note was an ODIOUS LIE madam! You didn't call looking for that car until at least a quarter after!
The only thing worse than an arrogant sovereign, is an arrogant LYING sovereign! And now, on to our final note.I live here, but lost my permit, please do NOT tow me again! Thank you.
So, you've been towed before, apparently know exactly WHY you were towed before, then went back there and did nothing to rectify the reasons for the first tow? Well, brownie points for at least being polite, but, that and $115 will get your car back. Insanity IS, it would appear, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Oh, and for what it's worth buttercup, a different driver got you this time, according to the log book, so I didn't tow you again.
I Can Only Warn You, I Can't Make You Believe It.
The sign says "Violators towed 24 hours" Guess what? That's 24 hours, ALL IN A ROW. 3am is included in that. No, I don't find it hard to believe we towed you
at 3am, says right on the paperwork that that's exactly when you got the hook.
No, I don't think we had anything better to do at that hour that tow cars. Maybe, if we were, oh, I dunno, a pastry shop, or a dairy farm, you'd have gotten somewhere with that argument. But, we're a 24 hour towing service, and you're living proof that we mean what we say on the big sign out front. You wouldn't want us to get in trouble for false advertizing would you???
More to come soon, as it's a HOME FOOTBALL WEEKEND!!!!!!!
years ago. My mother got lost and drove up to a sign that said, "Authorized Vehicles Only, Unauthorized entry will be considered a federal crime." My mother couldn't get that car turned around quickly enough. 
Comment