Cool Signs I'd like to see

[HALFHUMANHALFZOMBIE]

Express checkouts

#1. 10 items or less, no seperate transactions at this till please
#2. 10 items or less, 10 cent pentalty charge for additional items over 10

Price checks

#1. Every aisle should say, "Please check items on Price check machine before buying if concerned about the cost, ask sales associate if item is not the correct price".

#2. Our prices are checked regularly on a daily basis and are exact to the tee, no price checks allowed at this establishment, sorry for the inconvienience :sad:


Courtesy Desk

#1. Please be honest when a Courtesy Desk Associate asks you if the product is used, a $50 fine will be given to those who subject dishonesty.

#2. For Customer verification please state Name, Address and telephone number before we process any returns.

Opening, Closing

#1. Open at 8:00am
#2 Customer checkout time is 9:30pm
#3 Closed at 10:00pm (note: customers must be off the premises at this time, thank you for choosing "Store name")

Reaching over counters to invade Cashiers space

#1. Please don't reach past this point
#2. Physical and Sexual abuse is a criminal offense, we ask that you don't reach for anything past this point, thank you.

[Estil]

How about:

For the love of God, DO NOT take a #2 in the urinal.

[Sir Spaniard the 12th]

How about:

For the love of God, DO NOT take a #2 in the urinal.

I think a better one would be:

Please DO NOT take a number #2 anywhere other then the toilet.

[ArenaBoy]

For my arena job it's:

1. Please please will you clueless dolts look at your passes and then the signs? MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE!

2. Any whining, saying how much you make, or any mention of expensive dinners will get you a fee of whatever the hell I feel like charging.

3. Failure to not have your cash on hand will result in your car being catapaulted.

4. If you give us a $50 or a $100 when we can plainly see some $5s, $10s, or $20s on hand will give the prize of paying for the next 10 car behind you.

5. If I hear one more complaint of how you are always here I will show you indifference.

On the subject of signs, I once saw a moving truck that said: Moving tip #32: Don't put your dog and cat in the same box.

[Becks]

Please DO NOT take a number #2 anywhere other then the toilet.

You forgot to mention flushing the toilet afterwards.

[megami]

i want this one to be true...

please do not lick/touch/kiss/put your face on the glass. it's electrified and you will get shocked

[Bloodsoul]

I know it's not quite the same thing, but if ever I work for a bookstore I so want to hang up my Queen of Wands poster:
http://pictureposter.allbrand.nu/pic...sonic/read.gif

Ooh, ooh, can I have a "Associate may bite if provoked" sign? ^_^

[Pixagi]

The cashier is not here for you viewing pleasure.

If you are in a hurry, leave now.

If you attempt to break a anything over a 20 at 8a (when the store opens) you will be shot on site.

After 7pm (closing) the staff cannot be held accountable for their actions.

FEAR the supervisor (she has mommy powers).

[Dave1982]

•No receipt? NO return, NO refund, NO exchange, NO exceptions under ANY and ALL circumstances!

•We are not responsible for unclaimed Rewards checks.

•Quantity limits shall be STRICTLY enforeced. NO exceptions under ANY and ALL circumstances!

•NO Rain Checks under ANY and ALL circumstances!

•NO substitions under ANY and ALL circumstances!

•TAKE NOTICE: All sale prices apply ONLY WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!!

[digilight]

We reserve (and utilize) the right to REFUSE SERVICE to ANYONE for ANY REASON!!!

[B&NGoddess]

i reserve the right to laugh in your face if you ask me if i "know where the bathroom is".

just because it doesn't scan doesnt mean its free. a $462 penalty will be added to your bill if you say this.

if i find books for you and later find them where they should belong (ie, the cafe) i reserve the right to practice my pitching skills and hurl them at your head.

i reserve the right to practice my right hook on racists/homophobes/sexists/jerks.

dogs with bees in their mouths will be unleashed if you interrupt me while i'm on the phone or with another customer.

a trap door will open randomly once the store is closed. get out before it gets you.

closing time=lights off, no matter whose ass youre kicking in scrabble. should've thought of that 15 minutes ago.

[Estil]

We reserve (and utilize) the right to REFUSE SERVICE to ANYONE for ANY REASON!!!

Well, for any non-discriminatory reason of course.

[HALFHUMANHALFZOMBIE]

•No receipt? NO return, NO refund, NO exchange, NO exceptions under ANY and ALL circumstances!

As this is common sense and defeats the purpose of "the receipt".

[Dave1982]

As this is common sense and defeats the purpose of "the receipt".

Except that Staples allows returns without a receipt. You can't get money back; just store credit, but I still hate this.

[CrazedClerk]

I'd love one of those "No tresspassing. Violators will be shot, survivors will be shot again" for Employee Only Areas.

Store closes at 6pm. All transactions past 6pm will be subject to 200.00 Late Fee

We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone who cuts in line.

CAUTION: All associates are ARMED. Please treat them with respect.