Cool Signs I'd like to see

[HALFHUMANHALFZOMBIE]

Store closes at 6pm. All transactions past 6pm will be subject to 200.00 Late Fee
.

Now this sign I will really dig!

[HALFHUMANHALFZOMBIE]

Except that Staples allows returns without a receipt. You can't get money back; just store credit, but I still hate this.

This company is the reason schmucks comes to other stores without a receipt.

[Dave1982]

This company is the reason schmucks comes to other stores without a receipt.

Actually, I believe you can blame Lechmere for starting THAT particular trend. And what do they have to show for it? NOTHING.

[El Barto]

Actually, I believe you can blame Lechmere for starting THAT particular trend. And what do they have to show for it? NOTHING.

The old Lechmere building in my town turned into a large pile of debris last week. Hopefully the movie theater thats next to it and has been closed even longer will go next.


Back to the signs:

We reserve the right to mock you and your stupid questions when you leave.

No we don't have any (insert biggest sale item of the week) left, it's Saturday night, the sale ends in 10 minutes when we close. Do your shopping earlier in the week if you want (insert biggest sale item of the week) so badly you moron.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

In the bathrooms at Microsoft: "Please flush toilets when finished. DO NOT hold down CTRL+ALT+DEL

"No returns of pre-worn or washed clothing (This means YOU, Code Pink!)"

"Fecal matters goes in the toilet, not on the walls (This means YOU, Fingerpainter!)"

"Yes, we can deliver your new furniture and assemble it at your home! There is a $1,000 fee, payable to the employee doing the delivery and assembly."

[Lace Neil Singer]

Xan't remember where I saw this, but I still want one!

* All children found unattended instore will be sold to the circus.

Also, I want these:

* All tills operate with a trapdoor and vaccum tube. Please treat the cashier with respect, so that he/she doesn't feel compelled to operate either.

* We close at 10. That means, that if you're not off the premises by 10, we will release the hounds.

* Duct tape will be applied to both screaming children and mobile phone pests.

* Do not ignore the closing sign. This incurs a penalty of £100 per closing till.

* Complaining about the queues on Friday/Saturday/Sunday will get you shot on sight.

[OfficeSlug]

Express checkouts

#1. 10 items or less, no seperate transactions at this till please
#2. 10 items or less, 10 cent pentalty charge for additional items over 10

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs!!!!!


I'm sick of the "Oh, I didn't see the huge lit sign in front of my face nor did I see that huge hanging sign over the lane when I wheeled my ultra-full cart into your register" or "It's only 12 items!" Last time I checked, 12 does NOT equal 10 or Less, you mathematically-challenged ass!

"But the other registers are buuuuuuusy!" Yes, they are. But the people behind you with only a gallon of milk or employees with their sub waiting to go to lunch are NOT somehow LESS than YOU, you beeatch.

And for the love of Pete, don't try to be cute and say, "You don't mind, do ya?!" Because I WILL roll my eyes and sigh heavily, indicating that I DO mind, but I'm not allowed to SAY so.


Back to the signs...

Also on the Express Sign:
PLEASE HAVE FORM OF PAYMENT READY!!!

All those ooooold people who dig around for exact change for their banana and single-serve yogurt drive me NUTS! Lady, it's $1.27 total. Just give me the fucking $2 I see in your fucking wallet, ok?