A couple of gems from last night.
Ow, my brain
I felt my IQ drop several points after dealing with this guy. He was the typical chav, but I had never encountered someone so stupid!
Chav: *reads off menu* What's a....mix...er?
Me: A mixer?
Chav: Yes, it says drinks come with a...free...mix...er, whats a mix...er?
Me: Well, a mixer is something that you can mix with your spirits. So if you were to buy a shot of vodka, you could get a free dash of lemonade, coke, tonic, pineapple juice...
Chav: Red bull?
Me: Unfortunately red bull is not included in the deal.
Chav: Can I have a double vodka red bull with a free mixer?
Me: Um...OK, but the red bull isn't free you know.
Chav: It says free mix...er!
Me: Yes but it also tells you which ones are free, and red bull isn't.
Chav: Fine then! I'll have a vodka coke and a steak!
Me: OK, what kind of steak would you like and how would you like it cooked?
Chav: Steak.
Me: OK, rump? Sirloin? Gammon? Rib Eye?
Chav: Steak.
Me: OK *hits the rump button because its the cheapest and this guy obviously can't afford much better* How would you like it cooked?
Chav: Steak.
Me: OK, *hits medium button* Peas or salad?
Chav: Can't you just give me a steak?
Me: OK. *I hit random buttons and decide for him* OK, that will be £XX.XX.
Chav: *pays*
Me: Ok, your meal..
Chav: Where is it?
Me: What?
Chav: Steak!
Me: Well, they need to cook it you know.
Chav: You mean I have to wait!!
He walked away. I felt ill.
Gimme Gimme Gimme
A customer came up to the bar. He was a regular, I recognised him. He was quite a respectable man as well.
Me: Hey, what can I get you mate?
SC: Well, I was actually wondering what you could get me!
Me: OK...
SC: I'm actually wondering if you have any alcohol you don't want, or don't sell a lot of.
Me: Not as far as I know.
SC: Nothing that's out of date?
Me: No, nothing I'm afraid.
SC: Nothing??
Me: Nothing.
SC: Nothing you don't sell a lot of? Bottles of spirits that have been lying around for a while? You're telling me you have NOTHING?
Me: YES, that is exactly what I'm telling you!
SC: What am I supposed to do?
Me: *I was annoyed* How about BUYING some alcohol.
SC: But I came here hoping you would help me out!
Me: I'm sorry, but if we did have any alcohol lying around that we didn't want, I can absolutely guarantee you that the staff would get their hands on it long before a customer.
SC: Tut! I figured that!
He stormed off.
Ow, my brain
I felt my IQ drop several points after dealing with this guy. He was the typical chav, but I had never encountered someone so stupid!
Chav: *reads off menu* What's a....mix...er?
Me: A mixer?
Chav: Yes, it says drinks come with a...free...mix...er, whats a mix...er?
Me: Well, a mixer is something that you can mix with your spirits. So if you were to buy a shot of vodka, you could get a free dash of lemonade, coke, tonic, pineapple juice...
Chav: Red bull?
Me: Unfortunately red bull is not included in the deal.
Chav: Can I have a double vodka red bull with a free mixer?
Me: Um...OK, but the red bull isn't free you know.
Chav: It says free mix...er!
Me: Yes but it also tells you which ones are free, and red bull isn't.
Chav: Fine then! I'll have a vodka coke and a steak!
Me: OK, what kind of steak would you like and how would you like it cooked?
Chav: Steak.
Me: OK, rump? Sirloin? Gammon? Rib Eye?
Chav: Steak.
Me: OK *hits the rump button because its the cheapest and this guy obviously can't afford much better* How would you like it cooked?
Chav: Steak.
Me: OK, *hits medium button* Peas or salad?
Chav: Can't you just give me a steak?
Me: OK. *I hit random buttons and decide for him* OK, that will be £XX.XX.
Chav: *pays*
Me: Ok, your meal..
Chav: Where is it?
Me: What?
Chav: Steak!
Me: Well, they need to cook it you know.
Chav: You mean I have to wait!!
He walked away. I felt ill.
Gimme Gimme Gimme
A customer came up to the bar. He was a regular, I recognised him. He was quite a respectable man as well.
Me: Hey, what can I get you mate?
SC: Well, I was actually wondering what you could get me!
Me: OK...
SC: I'm actually wondering if you have any alcohol you don't want, or don't sell a lot of.
Me: Not as far as I know.
SC: Nothing that's out of date?
Me: No, nothing I'm afraid.
SC: Nothing??
Me: Nothing.
SC: Nothing you don't sell a lot of? Bottles of spirits that have been lying around for a while? You're telling me you have NOTHING?
Me: YES, that is exactly what I'm telling you!
SC: What am I supposed to do?
Me: *I was annoyed* How about BUYING some alcohol.
SC: But I came here hoping you would help me out!
Me: I'm sorry, but if we did have any alcohol lying around that we didn't want, I can absolutely guarantee you that the staff would get their hands on it long before a customer.
SC: Tut! I figured that!
He stormed off.
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