Being quiet doesn't give either of us what we want... (with bonus rant)

[MystyGlyttyr]

Another fun weekend phone call.

Me: "Newsroom."
Clueless Woman: "Yeah, hi, I was wondering..."
Me: "...."
CW: "....."
Me: "...."
CW: "...."
Me: ".....yes?"
CW: "Can I get a copy of *Not-Us Gazette* from a couple months ago?"
Me: "Um...you need a copy of Not-Us Gazette?"
CW: "Yes, ma'am."
Me: "Um, we're the *Us Gazette*."
CW: "Yes, but I need a copy of the Not-Us Gazette from about early April, it had an article about blah blah blah."
Me: "Ma'am, we don't keep back copies of other newspapers."
CW: "Ya'll don't do the Not-Us Gazette?"
Me: "No, ma'am, they're their own paper. We have nothing to do with them."
CW: "Oh. I thought ya'll did the Not-Us Gazette."
Me: "No...we aren't affliated with them at all."
CW: "Huh."
Me: "...."
CW: "...."
Me: "...."
CW: "...."
Me: *mental sigh* "Ma'am?"
CW: "You're sure you don't have a copy of their paper from early April there? I sure thought ya'll did."
Me: "We don't, ma'am. They aren't affliated with us. We don't print them. We have nothing to do with them aside from both being in the newspaper business. We have no copies of Not-Us Gazette."
CW: "Hm."
Me: "......"
CW: "....."
Me: *snappish* "I can't help you in any way, ma'am. We DON'T. HAVE. ANY."
CW: "Huh."
Me: *before we can do this again* "Bye!" *hangs up*

Grrrr...silence is a game I can play with the best of them, but when I want you to just GO AWAY, it doesn't help either of us, does it?



BONUS RANT
Not that I'm really complaining because they do pay us for this, but I'm looking at a paid obituary that is easily going to cost $500. Not terribly uncommon for the local "rich celebrity" or old money types, because they have a lot of crap they did to become rich or whatever...most of them are quite the philanthropists, truth be told. But this one's relatives obviously are trying to pad the resume. Lemme give ya'll some ideas of what are included here...

About four lines just about the deceased's grandfather being a dentist.

A further five lines with a dull tale of the deceased's ancestors "emigrating" from Texas...to Tennessee. Wow. Big move there. And I wasn't impressed with my relatives getting here from Scotland and Germany.

A complete listing of every menial award this person's father has ever received starting in middle school...including sports teams memberships and fourth grade honor roll.

EVERY freaking plane he ever worked on during WWII. He didn't fly them, he just fixed them. Still cool, but good lord, do we really need a listing of 34 different planes?

About four lines just about some random airplane plant manufactoring 600 planes during the war.

All the different kinds of trees he planted in the sixties.

Overall, about three pages, in general, of nonsense that has nothing to do with anything regarding the deceased.

And about half a page actually about the guy and his funeral services.

...wow. I hope the family realizes their impromptu history lesson is going to run them on the higher end of three digits. It's their money to spend, sure, but holy crap, get the man a nicer casket or something rather than writing three pages of history about your whole family instead of just him.

/End Bonus Rant

[bigjimaz]

It may seem odd, even tedious now, but in 50 years someone doing their family's genealogy is going to find a treasure trove of information about great-great grandpa.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I see those really long and involved obituaries in the local paper from time to time. They always make me laugh.

I picture the people writing them to have their noses so high in the air you can see their brains through their nostrils. Is it really necessary to take up the whole page to tell everybody the dearly departed played for for such-and-such Little League team in 1939, or graduated the 8th grade at Phinneas Q. Sweatsock Middle School, or designed and patented 48 different widgets nobody has ever heard of, or that he descended from some blacksmith in Colonial Virginia in the pre=Revolutionary days? I think everybody who really cares about that (his family) already knows.

When my grandfather and grandmother died, their obituaries included only the basics, like where they were born, where they worked, when they married, their survivors and any special info they'd have liked mentioned, like my grandfather helping design large cranes, or grandma being a Sunday School teacher. Came up to less than 2 columns each.

[Becks]

A complete listing of every menial award this person's father has ever received starting in middle school...including sports teams memberships and fourth grade honor roll.

Uh...not for nothing, but I thought fourth grade was elementary school...