My boyfriend is an SC :doh:

[Buglady]

I am mortified to have to report that my boyfriend, though otherwise a great guy, has shown himself to be an SC. He just got a notice from his insurance company that because he missed two payments in the last year, he no longer qualifies for their 12-month billing service (basically they extend you credit for the year and you pay your car insurance monthly instead of one big lump sum). They are NOT refusing to insure him!

BF does not get this. He has spent the last two days freaking out and calling the company to yell at whatever CSR is so unfortunate as to pick up the phone. He keeps saying things like "they don't want my business any more" and "I'm gonna go beat them all up." If he keeps this up they ARE going to cancel his insurance and probably call the cops on him as well. And guess what? They'd be completely justified. I've told him this. Unfortunatley I'm at work today and can't physically take the phone away from him, plus now he is mad at ME for not taking his side....

Sigh. Isn't life fun with unmedicated ADHD. And probably bipolar disorder. And also Intermittent Explosive Disorder. And possibly Asperger's Syndrome. Gah.

Anyway, I'd like to apologise to anyone who's had to deal with him today. I'm doing my best, guys!!

[JustaCashier]

As much as I detest SC's that yell and scream and threaten innocent Service Employees that are just doing their job, my more immediate concern is you.

Has your BF shown any signs of this type of threats/violence directly toward you? Does he actually have any of the disorders that you listed? If so, I'd suggest getting away from him to a safe place.

Mike

[Buglady]

Hi Mike,
Thank you for your concern, you are very kind. No, he has never been violent toward me or toward any person or animal directly. (He also knows that if he ever DOES, I'm gone immediately, possibly after whacking him over the head with something heavy. I am a fairly tough-minded chick when I have to be and this is a one strike rule )

When he starts blowing up and I'm physically there I can divert him and redirect some of his frustration. We are working on some cognitive behavioural therapy for his temper.

It's all bark with him, but he doesn't really understand that he can't talk about beating people up even if he'd never actually do it and is blowing off steam.

He does have ADHD for sure, and I'm guessing on the rest (perils of working on a Psych degree, haha). It's not too likely that he has bipolar or IED but they're still possibilities (ADHD can mask them, or they can be mis-diagnosed one for hte other). I just want to get him properly diagnosed and into appropriate treatment.

In the meantime, I have to try and keep him away from phones and drive-throughs.

[Titi]

The insurance company didn't tack on the missed payments to the next one?

I'd be pissed too, (but having worked in retail I wouldn't take it out on the phone center staff) if suddenly I went from paying something monthly to a high bill (that only the wealthy can pay) yearly.

My husband's insurance is $129 a month, that's $1548 yearly. And if someone told me that we would have to pay that upfront and not be able to make payments (and yes, we have missed payments and caught back up on them later on.) I would be saying that I was going to beat up whomever, whereever.

he also would definately be finding a different insurance company.

[VicSilver]

Sorry, Titi, but I don't agree.

In my experiences with car insurance, being able to make monthly payments instead of paying a lump sum twice a year on your policy is a privilege., not a right. They can and do have every right and reason to revoke that privilege. if the customer's end of the bargain (ie, paying on time every month) isn't held up.

Having that option taken away due to your (generic your, not you personally) failure to make agreed upon payments each month is no reason to threaten to beat someone up, or harass them.

I've missed one monthly payment on my car insurance. Yes, they did tack it onto the next payment, but I still received a letter stating that I didn't make my scheduled payment and they would be transferring my account back to a twice-yearly account.
It was my own fault that I missed the payment, and when I called them to see if I could get them to let me stay on monthly, I emphasized the fact that it was *my* fault, and was nice as could be to them. Yeah, I got to keep my monthly payments, but I know it was a courtesy that they extended to me, not a right.

[Dreamstalker]

He does have ADHD for sure, and I'm guessing on the rest (perils of working on a Psych degree, haha). It's not too likely that he has bipolar or IED but they're still possibilities (ADHD can mask them, or they can be mis-diagnosed one for hte other).

Aspergers can be misdiagnosed as many things*, and not everyone with true Aspergers matches the canonical example (in addition, that canonical example could be of low-functioning autism).

*The opposite can also be true. I was suspected for many years to have Aspergers; I'm now learning that my "recovery" (Aspergers rarely improves as dramatically as I have) roughly matches that of someone who suffered a brain injury in infancy (which I did; born three months premature). Not that I'm arguing with the diagnosis, just questioning how and when it was reached.

[JustaCashier]

Buglady,

Glad to hear he's getting some help for his temper!

Mike

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Sigh. Isn't life fun with unmedicated ADHD. And probably bipolar disorder. And also Intermittent Explosive Disorder. And possibly Asperger's Syndrome. Gah.

Possibly "Ring of Fire" as well. It's a form of ADD. When a normal person gets angry, they get miffed and cool off quickly. The centers in the brain controling anger fire, burn for a while and then switch off when the annoyance is gone.

Ring of Fire sufferers get miffed, the centers fire off and don't switch off for hours. Meaning if another annoyance comes along while they're still firing off, it resets the countdown clock and they'll burn for several more hours.

[Banrion]

I'd be pissed too, (but having worked in retail I wouldn't take it out on the phone center staff) if suddenly I went from paying something monthly to a high bill (that only the wealthy can pay) yearly.

Here in Mass., you don't even have to miss a payment to be denied monthly payment plans. They run your credit report, and just having marginally poor credit will cause the insurance companies to refuse monthly billing. We do have another option though. There are companies that will finance your car insurance. So to get the privledge of paying monthly you pay interest, and still have a rather hefty downpayment of 40-50%. Insurance in Mass. is all kinds of screwy though.

[Buglady]

Possibly "Ring of Fire" as well. It's a form of ADD. When a normal person gets angry, they get miffed and cool off quickly. The centers in the brain controling anger fire, burn for a while and then switch off when the annoyance is gone.

Ring of Fire sufferers get miffed, the centers fire off and don't switch off for hours. Meaning if another annoyance comes along while they're still firing off, it resets the countdown clock and they'll burn for several more hours.

I haven't heard that particular name for it, but yes, that is exactly what happens with ADHD. Ned Hallowell describes it as a "mini-panic" - when things go a bit wrong, next thing you know, you have a full scale fight or flight adrenal reaction going, from something that for most people would be a minor annoyance. I've experienced that one myself actually, and felt a right idiot later - but at the time it wasn't something I could control.