Words Customers Use

[Rubystars]

I remembered a couple of more:

"What am I supposed to do?"

Example:
The only register that was capable of ringing up cigarettes would not accept debit cards one day.

Me: "This won't take a debit card but you can use a credit-only card (not a combination one), cash, a check, or a gift card"
Customer: "All I have is my debit card! What am I supposed to do?"
Me: HEB is across the street and there's a gas station in the parking lot that sells them cheaper than in here.
Customer: *Scowls and storms off*


Another example:
Customer: "Do you have any Schepp's milk left?"
Me: No, we sold out because of the sale.
Customer: Well what am I supposed to do?

When they say that I really want to give them a funny answer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm in a hurry!"

SC: *After leisurely filling up a basket of goods, ambles up to the register, and then begins panicing.
Cashier *rings items and finds one without a barcode* "I have to find a barcode for this."
SC: I don't have time for this! I'm in a hurry!

or

SC: Schepp's milk is 2.50 at Kroger
Me: *looks in paper, not finding the erroneous price match*
SC: Oh my god! I don't have time for this just give it to me, I'm in a hurry!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You should know me by now!"

A regular or semi-regular customer comes in and if you ask for their ID for any reason, they'll start screaming about how you should know them by now. Even if they're one out of hundreds of customers that come in every day.

SC: "I want a 100 dollar gift card"
Me: "Are you paying with credit?"
SC: "Yeah"
Me: "I'll have to show your credit card and your ID to the manager so they can verify the names match."
SC: "You should know me by now!"

[DesignFox]

a bit long- DesignFox is in a bit of a mood...

Some things I hate to hear and some with how I wish I could respond:

"but I'm such a good customer" -never uttered by ACTUAL good customers....only by total cheapskates that never spent a dime in your store before.

In the photo places I worked at:

"blah blah photography jargon blah blah"- I know you aren't a professional, don't try to scare me with your vocabulary ('cause I know that you have no idea what you are talking about). For example: the picture is perfect...YES your skin IS that color, no my "F-stops" aren't off.

"My mom said to tell you we came from very far away"- I had a particular subset of customers that would LOOOOOOVE to use this phrase when forced to wait for me to finish a sitting so they could pick up photos (and didn't want to wait) or who came after closing and thus I refused to give them their photos..How far away were they driving from you ask? 20 mins. TOPS. Sort of like how Gravekeeper dreads the 867 customers...only these people were identifiable by zip code.

"I'll just take the free one and scan it"- Thanks for the insult.
(Fun fact- both photo places I worked at closed down this past year)

"Can't you just Photoshop it out?" This isn't glamour shots, and you aren't paying for the extra service...so, NO. By the by, I absolutely hate parents who say this in front of their children. Ugly child or not- this is YOUR CHILD! I know that no matter how awkward I was as a teenager, my mother always made me feel like the most beautiful baby girl in the world. I hate when parents point out their children's flaws and make them feel horrible about themselves. Especially when there is nothing wrong with the photo- the kid just has flaws. I've had more parents than I'd like to recall doing this to their children.

"Take it! take it! take it now!" I hated it when parents would tell me when to take the picture... (I know what I'm doing, kindly die in a )

"I want to see a manager!" -ditto to everyone else who cringes at the sound of this phrase...


In cell phones:

"I didn't get it wet!" - Yes, yes you did.

"I don't know how it broke" -Yes, yes you do.

"I want Free! - How's it feel to want?

"_______ you people" -anything with "You people" attached to it makes me want to bludgeon the person with a tuna. How disrespectful can you get?

"I have a problem...."- this never bodes well for us salespeople.

"What time do you close?" -usually follows with someone running in last minute and keeping me well PAST closing.

It's been a bad week...

[Reyneth]

"I'll just take the free one and scan it"- Thanks for the insult.

More like ...."thanks for the heads-up that you plan on violating copyright laws!"

[DesignFox]

More like ...."thanks for the heads-up that you plan on violating copyright laws!"

I tried to tell people that, but they just looked at me like I was the asshole...

[ArenaBoy]

At Whiskeyclone
-----------------------

"Do you know how much I pay for that spot?" It's a $20 parking pass that's part of a season ticket plan that you probably got from a friend who couldn't make it tonight.

"I'm here every game." Strange, I've been working the last 12 games and I've never seen you before.

"I forgot my pass but they let me in here before." No, you just tricked one of the many idiots I had to work with and now you're trying to pull one on me. Nice try.

"I don't have any money on me so can I use a credit card?" Do you see a credit card machine on me? I'm standing outside in the middle of winter and I'm cranky enough as it is. Carry at least $20 on you. It doesn't hurt. It's common sense.

"I know *Insert name of VIP*!" Strange, I just talked to him and he told me not to let anyone in here without a pass even those who drop his name.

I am so glad to be out of there.

[DesignFox]

"I don't have any money on me so can I use a credit card?"

And WHERE precisely do they expect you to swipe their card...? I can think of a few rather rude responses to that question

[GayleShy]

Disapointed. I hated that word so much. People would use it as a last ditch effort to guilt you into giving them their own way without stooping to threats.

[HALFHUMANHALFZOMBIE]

Customer: "You're just incompetent!"

I hate it when they give a long pause and then say "you don't understand what I'm saying, do you?" Like they are really calling me stupid

Explain yourself more clearly over and over but don't show a big pause and make assumptions that won't get your answer clear!

[Luna]

overuse of your first name - Yes, asshole, I understand you're in a big rush, asshole, and I am trying to help you asshole, but you'll have to wait in line with your ridiculous requests just like everyone else, asshole - but is that alright with you asshole?

this is ridiculous - I'm not sure why this phrase is used so much but it is. Know what is ridiculous? A grown adult annoyed over something like this. I'm not withholding life saving medical services from you. Shut up.

that's the line? - yes it is. Did you think you were the only one to think it woud be a great idea to shop here b/c schools had half a day?

how much does it cost? - see there's these nifty ass things called PRICE TAGS. If a display that has been created has 5 items, price tags hanging off of it and attached to each display item, yes - you have to add them all up to make the total price. No you can't just pick the cheapest price and apply it for the entire display. Do you go to Ikea and assume the entire room on display is $20 because that's what the lamp costs?

I'm disappointed! - Yes, and I'm tired of dealing with idiots. No we aren't going to sell merchadise for a Texas football team in New Jersey. Get over it. Again, not life saving services or medication being withheld here people.

But my friend did it - which means we were being nice and made an exception.

The old way was so much easier! - No it wasn't. This is why it's all computerized now. You're just pissed off b/c you can't cheat the system in anyway with the new way and you could with the "old way". No more free merchandise for you unless you've earned it for real - too bad so sad.

it's HOW much? - this I've gotten everywhere I've worked. What kind of shopper comes to the register with a basketful of merchandise and has absolutely NO idea how much it will be, not even a rough before tax estimate??? Somehow, it's always MY fault that they don't know how much they've chosen to purchase. I should have known they are spending more than they wanted, and forbid them from shopping for the past 2 hours. It's all my fault.

[Estil]

40-50 Minutes?!! (Delivery time)
This pisses me off real bad because that is standard delivery time. No, there is no half-hour guarantee at Domino's Pizza and don't tell me that there is. We had that guarantee, but it was discontinued 20 years ago.

Personally, I'd rather get my pizza in 50 minutes and have it arrive in that nice rich golden brown pretty look on th cheese instead of 25 minutes and it looks like a rush job (like they grabbed it out of the pizza oven too early; yuk!). And they still had that guarantee up till at least 1990, as per the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. It's a shame too, I could've used that $3 off for being two minutes late with the pizza.

[Pinkie]

My all time favorite: You've got to be kidding!! This is uttered when I've just told them that in order to restore their gas/electric service, they must pay a reconnection fee and a security deposit. "No, I'm not kidding." ( Ok dumbass, we're going to secure the account with a deposit because you've just proved that you can't pay your bill on time...) This is often used in conjunction with the phrase But I only owed you $100 (Yeah dumbass, you only owed $100 but it was 4 months past due!)

[Kara]

"Are you calling me a liar?" You know I'm completely full of crap, but you can't outright say it, can you? You want to. You'd just love to, wouldn't you? But if you do, then I'll get to complain and go to the media about how terrible your company is, and I'll probably still not get what I want but at least I'll feel better about myself after playing the victim. So go on, say it!

[JustaCashier]

And WHERE precisely do they expect you to swipe their card...? I can think of a few rather rude responses to that question

Ah yes! Sick minds think alike!

I was thinking the same thing!

Mike

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

rude customer service=being told "no"

You ruined my kid's Christmas!= You don't have the hot hot toy I promised my child for Christmas. Or, you enforced policy by returning my layaway item to the shelf when I didn't come pay it off in time.

[BookstoreEscapee]

And WHERE precisely do they expect you to swipe their card...? I can think of a few rather rude responses to that question

I'm reminded of the Will & Grace episode where Jack swipes the card in Karen's "ATM"...denied...denied...<turns around and bends over> approved

but I'm such a good customer" -never uttered by ACTUAL good customers

This is because good customers realize they can't always get what the want and can accept "no" for an answer...that or they get exceptions for actually being good customers...