Did anyone ever tell you that you're beautiful?

[Imogene]

When they ask "hows the weather up there" I'll answer "pretty good, want me to lift you up to have a look". I finally wised up a few years back and the wife got me a couple of shirts. One says, "I'm Big, You're Small, Have a Nice Day" and the other simply says "I See Small People".

"No, I don't play basketball, do you play miniature golf?"

Crap, XCashier beat me to it...

[karma_gypsy]

I've gotten (just a few weeks ago)

"I wish I was younger and not married, because you are so cute."

"uhhh, thanks. . . ?"

[Jester]

We were always concerned for each other's well-being..

There is a classic (and true) story about a bar I hand out at here in town from years ago. The owner is a sweet lady, who also happens to be a total fox, and it is a place that a lot of locals go, in addition to the tourists.

Well, one day, years ago, on a night that was rocking with many regulars in having a good time, some asswipe was being a dumb drunk...well, asswipe. He was told to leave the bar, and he did....and came back in another way not that long afterwards. He was told to leave again, and said something to the effect of, hell with this, I ain't going. He was getting all puffed up and cocky, and making sure people knew about his military background, yada yada. You know...typical shithead that the military has but wishes they could sweep under the rug.

At this point, trying to defuse the situation, the aforementioned owner went up to Asshat to try to calm him down, and to inform him it would be best if he just went. Well, Asshat said fuck this, and then pushed Owner with both hands.

Ever seen that part of a movie where the entire establishment just stops dead in its tracks? Yeah, well, that would have been great. Didn't happen like that. See, as I mentioned, it was a rollicking night with many regulars in having a good time. So in THIS case, it was even BETTER than in the movies!

Because the entire establishment stopped dead in its tracks.
The entire establishment looked at the guy who had just pushed the sweet female owner.
The entire establishment did not look happy.
And then the entire establishment rose out of their seats as one.

The guy was drunk, but not stupid. He beat a hasty retreat, never to be seen in that bar again.

Moral of the story: don't mess with the person who supplies the booze to many people on a regular basis.



TOMORROW STARTS MY VACATION! NO MORE ASSHAT SUCKASS CUSTOMERS FOR A WEEK!

[FenigDurak]

I have to describe this customer before I get into this story. He's short, curly hair, basically looks like a miniature version of Prince, and he carries a rat dog. One of those Chinese Crested things. He's...eccentric.

Ok, he told our new ASM that business would be better if she would get a facial and a treadmill. Fortunately, she had the presence of mind to call the DM the moment he was gone. The DM still gave him free stuff though.

[JuniorMintz]

One time an older guy came into our office. My friend "Sue" has been working there for at *least* 10 years... I forget how many exactly, but it's been a while.

She came out to help him, and he didn't recognize her at first. He finally realized who she was and said "Susan? Is that you?"

She smiled and said yes, and he said "I didn't recognize you at first. You changed your hair color, I think. Plus, you've put on weight!"



I was SO mortified for her, because we both wear about a 14-16 and make jokes about our bubble butts and whatnot. Hey, it's ok for us to joke about our butts-they're *our* bums!

She also went for a quick second, then made the fastest comeback I'd ever really seen.

"And you've gone senile!"

To his credit, he paused for a second, laughed, and then said "So I did, Ma'am, so I did!"

So it at least ended with a good laugh all around, but DAMN for a second there it got really awkward!

[COMINATCHA]

This isn't about a customer, just a time that I was really insulted.

I was getting ready to go out clubbing. I wore my knee-high lace up black boots with a short skirt. I didn't show much skin on my top half so I didn't look cheap. I looked nice, not tacky.
I had to walk a short distance to the train station, and this car of young guys drive past me and yell out "SLUT!!!" I didn't think I looked like a slut, but it made me so paranoid that I walked back home and changed the shoes, lol.
My friends were pissed that I was so late, oops!

[Fera Festiva]

I've never been insulted like that at work (thank goodness) but I grew up in a relatively small town where cries of "weird Gothic freak innit!" are commonplace, plus I seem to be one of those people who attracts trouble. So I've had my fair share of fat/ugly/freak type comments.

Over the years, I've found that the best possible comeback - one which few seem to have their own answer to - is to stop, look them in the eye and say, calmly and matter-of-factly, "You're really boring".

Dunno why, but it seems to work.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

There is a classic (and true) story about a bar I hand out at here in town from years ago...
<snip>
...Moral of the story: don't mess with the person who supplies the booze to many people on a regular basis.

Jester, thank you for this. This made my day!


*EDIT - Excessive quoting.

[Plaidman]

Perhaps it was the many, many, mannnny years, ( I recall hearing the names since I was four) of being stupid, dorky, retard, cock-eyed. And worst is they insulted my FREAKING NAME FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

See, my BIRTHNAME is William, however my REAL NAME for all purposes is Driver. Been called it my whole life since I was born. So of course I got called Screwdriver, drunk driver, etc.

That I just gotten the hard skin for it. Then again I insult people too. Mostly people who I know can take it, ie not strangers or peopel I've know less then a year or so.

But for the most part, people stop dead in the tracks defeated when they start insulting me, my reply is usually "And yet a 19 year old can choose not to serve you beer, ever again, and get you kicked out forever. Sure ya wanna insult me more?"

I'm 21 one now, but 19 and 20 shut alot up.

[Imogene]

Heh, one time on my way to work, I got on the bus, and some young punk started mouthing off at me to look good to his friends. He was sitting, I was standing... 6 inches away. Lemme tell you, I got some really good looming skills. I stare at him for about a minute, and the kid starts to look REALLY scared, so I just shake my head and turn away. He starts up again, but in a shaky voice. Lucky my stop was next so I didn't have to teach him a second lesson.

Did that to one of my classmates during an assignment... we were giving our ideas for a game to build, I brought up a game idea based on a tactics RPG, only based on circles, instead of chessboards... I told the class, "You should be able to get right up on your enemy, doing so should scare the bejesus out of them, people are too comfortable with their space and anyone who crosses it usually offends/scares the person," and stepped as close as I could to one of my classmates, only for a few seconds, to demonstrate the idea.
A few days later, we were talking while on smoke break (I don't, I talk) and he told me, "Juwl, you standing that close to me scared the crap out of me."
And I said, "You see? My point was made."

[varmintjane]

When I worked at the ice cream shop i once had a girl tell my why I was so fat was because I worked at an ice cream store.
I was at the time 5'10 140lbs. So that didnt help my self esteem any, and its not good to begin with.

What? Since when is that fat? A few months ago I was like 5'4 and weighed 135 (apparently the depo shot makes you feel hungry even when you've just eaten) And my tummy stuck out a bit, but I didn't look a whole lot bigger than I did when I weighed 125. People suck, but I think that for your height that would be a pretty normal weight.

[Sphinx]

. People suck, but I think that for your height that would be a pretty normal weight.

Thats what I thought too but apparently Little Miss Anorexic didn't think so.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I once had this girl barge into me, muttering "Fat cow." I pushed her back with all my strength, sending her flying into the gutter. I then walked over to her, and said, "Stupid bitch." Now, I'm not fat; I'm a size 16 and 5ft 9in tall. I was wearing platforms at the time that made me 6ft tall. This girl said nothing but picked herself up and ran. Now, there's an idiot... a little skinny girl saying nasty things to a big tall girl.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I had a coworker tell me I reminded her of Clay Aiken.

She meant it as a compliment, because she is a huge Clay Aiken fan. I don't know if I should be flattered or if I should start sobbing hysterically.

[squall]

I had one incident at work. They didn't insult me, but rather they treated me like a bothersome insect. I walked around the corner of an aisle and ended up in the middle of a gathering of three people blocking the aisle. So I stood there for a second to see if they would move. They were three thirty something year-olds, two males, one female. They didn't move, and the female waved her hand at me like a little child or bothersome insect and she goes "shoooo" "shooo", and her idiot companions laughed.