My Dad's Past with Bike Shorts Guy

[unholypet]

Waaaay back when, my Dad was working at Wally World as a bakery "technician," as they called em. He'd go in most days at 5am or so.

Early in the wee hours of the morn', the back bathroom (near the employee break room/clock-in area) was locked. My dear Dad was exiting from clocking in when a skinny man in tiny bike shorts ( TBSG (doing the gotta-go shuffle) stopped him.

TBSG: Hey man.. do you know why the bathroom's locked?
Dad: Yeah, they lock em in the morning back here, sorry but they'll make you go up front.
TBSG: Damn.. seriously? Can I please use the employee one?
Dad: I'm sorry, man. I'll get written up if I say yes.

Luckily, the man understood and turned to walk the straight aisle back to the front, clenching his butt cheeks so tight that his top half appeared not to move. His shorts rode up in his crack, said Dad, and then they started to move.

The poor Tiny Bike Shorts Guy couldn't hold it, and began to drop turds all along the way to the exit.

Dad held his laughter, and used the comm to call a janitor.

Janitor gets there, looks around, goes,"Where's the mess?"

Dad points down.

Janitor throws down his mop and yells," OH HELL NO!!"

[Starlord]

My wife worked Loss Prevention at a major US chain, and caught a guy stealing ammunition. He was working in conjunction with another man who distracted the clerk, while this guy reached over the counter, slid open an unlocked case and began loading boxes of rifle ammo in his coat pockets. She called in her male partner who put the arm on the guy. As they headed to the secfurity office, my wife looked back and the guy was leaving a trail. As in the WM guy, the janitor threw a fit.

[BookstoreEscapee]

That's just gross...you'd think the bike shorts would hold 'em in...

going to get some now

[unholypet]

I know @_@ Dad said it was one of those guys whose junk you didn't wanna see >_<

[Noelegy]

His shorts rode up in his crack, said Dad, and then they started to move.

Unfair, unholypet, unfair! I started laughing out loud while on hold with a client and reading this story. By the time the lady came back on the line, I was red-faced from stifling myself.

[ArenaBoy]

I'm curious if the guy was near any form of wilderness as he could've done his business out of sight*. Still to funny and a little too gross.

*Yes I have done that in the woods but the nearest form of civilization was a good 50 miles away from me and my friends.

[Tria]

Hey, at least the guy was TRYING to get to a bathroom. Would you rather it be some pissed guy who decided to teach him a lesson?

[unholypet]

I'm curious if the guy was near any form of wilderness as he could've done his business out of sight*. Still to funny and a little too gross.

*Yes I have done that in the woods but the nearest form of civilization was a good 50 miles away from me and my friends.

Unfortunately, that Wal-Mart is in the middle of the commercial area of town =p

[Becks]

Some people just need diapers. Cloth ones aren't as bulky...I think. I SWEAR I don't know.