SC for me, and I don't work! With visual aid.

[Jester]

If this had happened to me, this is probably the way it would have played out....

JESTER: (politely)Can I help you?
HIM: I need a room.
JESTER: (understanding the confusion)Oh, I see. No, this isn't the hotel. It's r...
HIM: (cutting me off in my own house) Just tell me if you have a room, I'm tired and want to go to sleep.
JESTER: (voice dropping down to a dangerously calm tone) This is my home. I tried to explain that to you politely. I was also about to tell you where the hotel was when you cut me off in my home. So now I am going to order you to get the fuck out of my home, before I find my Louisville Slugger and take batting practice on your head.

[Sharsarannon]

Anyone doing that to my home (which in no way looks like any kind of hotel) would find themselves at the business end of one of my husbands daggers or swords from his extensive collection. I think I might have chosen the one with the double tip just for effect.

I have some of my weapons on our wall for decoration, but some have utility as well. Take for instance the stiletto dagger right next to the doorframe.
When I answer the door late at night I usually have one hand drifting near the hilt of said dagger, just in case. (yes I do actually know a lot about how to effectively use said weapon, it's not just a pointy pretty thing.)

A guy I knew who just didn't take hints started dropping by my house unannounced after ten pm. I answered the door with my very real looking airsoft handgun in hand and pointedly told him I tend to pull weapons on unannounced males after nine at night. He never did that again.

[ArenaBoy]

I was in martial arts for 5 years and I own a variety of weapons that are not for show. I own three swords, a pair of tonfas (Nightsticks), a pair of kamas, and escrima sticks. I keep the swords sharpened and tend to have my tanto at the ready when it's late and the katana if I hear an intruder. Needless to say, I am not nice to intruders in my home. I don't know who you are and you bug me, then I'll introduce you to Mr. Katana.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I have a collection of chivs, daggers, machetes, and various nastys. There is usually one within easy reach.

None are on display.

I find some dude standing in my house acting the prick, he's gonna know real quick he entered the wrong place. Somebody better start talking. Fast.

[Broomjockey]

You know, I feel like a right arse reading everyone's "What I would do" responses, because you know what mine would be?

*Walks out, sees person* "Who are you, and why are you in my place?"
"Yeah, I want a room."
"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PLACE NOW WHAT THE HELL?! I'LL CALL THE COPS! DON'T TRY ANYTHING FUNNY @$$!!!! DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!" *Backing away and looking for weapon to brandish the whole time*

[ParkingWitch]

Thank Goddes I live up on my hill. 15' of steps in not good condition pretty much keeps the freeks away. Of course my habit of hand chopping down the 45 degree angled bank of lilys with a machete has even slowed down the Jehovah's Witnesses and the gang twits in the area.

[HowMayIHelpMe?]

HIM: (as he gets into his car) You should really take that sign down if you're not the hotel.
ME:

What?! No apology from him? I hope that jerk rose the next morning from wherever he stayed to find all four of his tires slashed!

[Primer]

I have 6 dogs, a shotgun, several handguns (ok, most of the handguns belong to the DH), and a cannon. Nope, this ain't no hotel!
(although, it used to be called "Primer's Home for Wayward Chatters")