Things you wish could happen

[friendofjimmyk]

Forgive me if this has already been discussed, but a co-worker and I were just daydreaming about things we wish we had at work.

The latest device we want is a general line for abusive customers. She was relating the story of the woman who refused to give her any information and just wanted to be transferred to "Someone else". Without any information, my co-worker wouldn't know where to transfer her and this woman grew increasingly more angry with each time my co-worker stated, "I'm sorry, unless I have your name or membership number and what this is in regards to, I can't transfer you."

The woman became more abusive each time and finally my co-worker put her on hold and left her there until she hung up.

We were discussing how nice it would be to have a "dump" area for people like that. Maybe transfer them to a line that never gets answered but plays one song continuously. We thought Simon & Garfunkels "The Sound of Silence" would be a nice song to have on loop on such a line. We could just transfer them and a generic message would say:

"Thank you for holding your call will be answered in the order it was received" then the "Sound of Silence" would play. When it would end, the message could say "Thank you for holding your estimated wait time is...." then the song just starts again!

Ahhh!!! To dream!

[KayEm]

Great idea, Heather.

My idea for a great device would be a microchip imbedded in the packaging of every item & product. Nothing would happen with normal handling and purchase, but if a lazy bastard leaves an item where it doesn't belong, that person gets 20,000 volts of electricity in repeated intervals until the item is put properly back in it's place.

[Tria]

"Thank you for holding your call will be answered in the order it was received" then the "Sound of Silence" would play. When it would end, the message could say "Thank you for holding your estimated wait time is...." then the song just starts again!

Ahhh!!! To dream!

I like that song, and I like to memorize songs so I can play them in my head. I'd like that line.

[Lace Neil Singer]

If a customer ignores me in favour of yacking on their phone, that automatically gives me the right to grab the phone out of their hand and throw it accross the supermarket.

[karma_gypsy]

If a customer ignores me in favour of yacking on their phone, that automatically gives me the right to grab the phone out of their hand and throw it accross the supermarket.

I second this one!!



"Oh you do need help? Well get off your ing phone!!"

[HawaiianShirts]

I vote for a Stupid Tax. Retailers, judges, police officers, or anyone with the ability to charge people money for fines, goods, or services would be able to add on a Stupid Tax. We would all get a scale that tells us what to charge for the different levels of stupidity. Then all the proceeds from that tax would be donated to the lowest-funded school in the customer's area.

"For asking me twenty times whether I was sure I didn't have more of that item 'in the back' when my store doesn't even HAVE a back storage room, I'll be charging you an extra 20% Stupid Tax. The elementary school down the street thanks you."

[Mixed Bag]

With apologies to those who need cellphones and feel they're considerate with them, how about:

--Now that in CA there's no smoking in restaurants, the NO SMOKING signs are changed to NO CELLPHONES for certain sections

--The electronic field of cellphones triggers foul odours when they're used where not welcome

--We walk around like competition judges with cards rating the overheard conversation from 0.0 to 10.0

--The other end of the conversation is played over the store's paging system

--Stores assume the phone is being shoplifted, so callers better have the receipt on them (even at Arby's)

--The DSM just declares public cellphone use a disorder, like the others that have been mentioned on these boards lately

Fortunately most outdoor walks aren't so intruded upon

[dragonflygrrl]

I know, Gallagher is silly, but my dad is a fan, and one time he said something I really liked. His idea was that all drivers be given a dart gun that shoots little suction cup darts. Then, when we see someone do something really stupid, we can shoot their car with the dart. When someone has enough darts, they lose their license for a period of time. My theory is, why not give similar dart guns to retail and customer service employees? If a customer has a sufficient number of darts, we can just say, "I'm sorry, sir/madam, but you have behaved like an ass on [number of darts] occassions, so I will have to get my manager immediately." If they get enough darts, they will not be allowed in any store for any reason. That'll larn'em! LOL

[toolbert]

What i want is the pattened Customer Net System™. This system would be designed for employees to nab shoplifters, smelly people, rude people, and any other SC in a handy carbon fiber net that can be then placed on the handy Customer Flagpole™ and marked as an SC for the world to see. Then you could use the handy Customer Webcam™ to produce a page where people could see them struggle in the net on the web at any time!

[Pagan]

--We walk around like competition judges with cards rating the overheard conversation from 0.0 to 10.0

--The other end of the conversation is played over the store's paging system

[Luna]

I know, Gallagher is silly, but my dad is a fan, and one time he said something I really liked. His idea was that all drivers be given a dart gun that shoots little suction cup darts. Then, when we see someone do something really stupid, we can shoot their car with the dart. When someone has enough darts, they lose their license for a period of time. My theory is, why not give similar dart guns to retail and customer service employees? If a customer has a sufficient number of darts, we can just say, "I'm sorry, sir/madam, but you have behaved like an ass on [number of darts] occassions, so I will have to get my manager immediately." If they get enough darts, they will not be allowed in any store for any reason. That'll larn'em! LOL

I had that idea but to use florescent paintballs to mark the cars of sucky drivers so you know to stay away from the cars covered in neon paint splats.

I just think that a trap door should open up under the person if they start screaming at you without good reason. They should then slide safely out of the store and land right into the parking lot so they can go home. It'll also help the people who say "I'm never shopping here again" get home so much quicker!!!

[Kiwi]

The woman became more abusive each time and finally my co-worker put her on hold and left her there until she hung up.

at the call centre im starting at, they actually allow you to put the customer into "time out" you can give them two warnings about foul language and/or yelling then you can say

"maam/sir, you need to calm down, Im going to place you on hold for 30 seconds, if you have calmed down after that we can work on fixing the problem you are unhappy about" HOLD

my boyfriends mother used to be a supervisor there and she said she used to do it herself, sometimes it would take 3 or 4 times before they actually realised they had to behave. Then they were usually as polite as apple pie

I love that though.... naughty customer, no soup for you!!

[Ezrockspants]

I love that though.... naughty customer, no soup for you!!

I think that episode and the finale were the only episodes of seinfeld i actually watched.

[Dips]

For customers who drive recklessly in the parking lot...

A heat-seeking shopping cart which will stalk and chase the SC around the store until he leaves.

[trunks2k]

at the call centre im starting at, they actually allow you to put the customer into "time out" you can give them two warnings about foul language and/or yelling then you can say

"maam/sir, you need to calm down, Im going to place you on hold for 30 seconds, if you have calmed down after that we can work on fixing the problem you are unhappy about" HOLD

That is friggin' great. If only they had something like that for people who are just idiots. "I'm sorry ma'am but apparently you are mentally deficient, I'm going to have to put you on hold until you get a decent education"