Things you wish could happen

[friendofjimmyk]

If a customer ignores me in favour of yacking on their phone, that automatically gives me the right to grab the phone out of their hand and throw it accross the supermarket.

ahhh, wouldn't that be nice.

[friendofjimmyk]

I know, Gallagher is silly, but my dad is a fan, and one time he said something I really liked. His idea was that all drivers be given a dart gun that shoots little suction cup darts. Then, when we see someone do something really stupid, we can shoot their car with the dart. When someone has enough darts, they lose their license for a period of time. My theory is, why not give similar dart guns to retail and customer service employees? If a customer has a sufficient number of darts, we can just say, "I'm sorry, sir/madam, but you have behaved like an ass on [number of darts] occassions, so I will have to get my manager immediately." If they get enough darts, they will not be allowed in any store for any reason. That'll larn'em! LOL

Yeah, I saw that bit when he did it. I thought it was ingenius. Just shoot them in the forehead with some type of ink - so it can only be removed if you have the right remover and only a judge would have it. That way, there can be a database of SCs. Everytime you go and get the ink removed, your name and offense is entered in the database.

[chainedbarista]

while they're not particularly clever or inventive, i'd like a wooden spoon and an inflatable hammer.

the spoon is for smacking the hands of people who can't seem to keep their hands off of things they have no intention of buying, can't seem to undeststand that tip jars and penny trays are NOT interchangeable, and smacking the hands of those who want to touch you for some unknown reason.

the hammer would function much like the vaunted and venerable cluehammer/clue by four.

[JustAGirl]

ROFL

awesome, with the rating the phone convo's and having the side of the convo over the loudspeakers.

and the heat seaking cart!

how about, if the customer says "i'm never coming back here again" they immediately get shot with a chip that gets imbedded into them, and if they DO come back again, as they cross the entrance they get jolted with some electricity!!

if they put something where it isn't supposed to be (or not on the belt or in the cart) it automatically gets put BACK into their cart (like on a spring), until they either put it back where it belongs or they apologize and give it to the cashier

ANY food or drink that they sit somewhere cuz they are too lazy to wait to throw it away will get DUMPED back onto them. this will be especially nice with the ones that stain a nice white shirt MUHAHAHA

any shoplifter will be instantly tazered

anyone under 21 (or 18 for cigs) that tries to buy alcohol (or cigs) will immediately get a quick tattoo (unremovable) with their true birthdate on their forehead.

anyone who does not want to show id will have to put everything back that they've wanted to buy (even if they only wanted cigs, or are writing a check, or something that needs id) wearing a placard stating "I refuse to comply with the rules" or "identity theft me, i whine about giving cashiers id" or something like that.

[Mixed Bag]

"identity theft me, i whine about giving cashiers id" or something like that.

I don't know how to look up items in an urban or new slang dictionary, etc. by description--otherwise I'd find a way to propose new words with confidence.

One that I think would be effective in arguments--mean-spirited as it can be sometimes--is a word to mean "NOT that I wish this upon anyone, but if it's GOING to happen to SOMEONE, THIS person is the one who most deserves to have ______ happen to them because they did _______."

[Lace Neil Singer]

Anyone who drops anything breakable on the floor and walks away without telling anyone will immediately be picked up by the super duper camera; a security guard will be notified, and he will take the customer and rub his or her face into the mess on the floor, whilest repeatedly whacking them with a rolled up newspaper. "Bad customer! No messy floor!"

An SC who swears will have their mouth washed out with liquid soap taken off the shelf. Which they will then have to pay for.

[KayEm]

Hahhahahaaaa...I love this thread !


Another one:

SCs who shop late will be prevented from pestering those employees who are super busy with their last few tasks before they can go home.

Now how exactly this will be enacted, I'm not sure...not enough coffee in the system yet lol...any ideas ?

[Rapscallion]

Perhaps it would be better if anyone shopping late and preventing a member of staff from leaving would have to go to the staff member's house and cook them a three-course meal/do their cleaning/satisfy their partner in bed instead?

Raspcallion

[Becks]

how about, if the customer says "i'm never coming back here again" they immediately get shot with a chip that gets imbedded into them, and if they DO come back again, as they cross the entrance they get jolted with some electricity!!

I wish I'd thought of that!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lace Neil Singer]

Any customers still in the store at closing time will be locked in and forced to work the nightshift for no pay.

[Worker-Intellectual]

Hunting season starts one minute after close

[susan]

When I worked in the call center I had two ideas along these lines.

--A button on my phone that I could push that would zap the customer whenever he or she said something especially moronic or behaved in a moronic way.

--A recording of a little quiz or checklist played to each customer before they ever spoke to a human. This would have questions about how the customer could make the phone call easier and quicker, ie "My credit card is a)in my hand; b)on the desk in front of me; c)in the kitchen which is two floors below me; or d)in my car." If they got one question wrong, they would be told to hang up and try again. If they fail the quiz twice in one day, they can't call back for 24 hours.

[Yossarian]

One that I think would be effective in arguments--mean-spirited as it can be sometimes--is a word to mean "NOT that I wish this upon anyone, but if it's GOING to happen to SOMEONE, THIS person is the one who most deserves to have ______ happen to them because they did _______."

Shadenfreudingly?