He threatened to sue me!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

South Texan, where were you when I was working at the K place? That's brilliant! Why can't I ever think of this stuff when it's going down?

[Slave to the Phone]

I can tell you the best retort to such an ignorant misstatement and inane attempt at intimidation is to immediately change your attitude from pleasant to business brusque and say, "I'm sorry, but as you now have threatened legal action against this store, company policy forbids me from completing your transaction or having any further conversation with you. All future communication must be through our corporate attorney. Now, would you please put down your items and leave the store? I need to go and make a report of what just happened." .

Not only is this the best way to shut the maroons up, its usually true and is often mentioned in the employee handbook. You've inspired me to write up my crazy maggot lady story. New thread on the way.