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Today's A Plot was a lady who called us up with some "quick questions" about our software.
I can't go into details about what our software does because it would be very easy to identify the company I work for (not because we are big and famous (we are neither), but because we are the first ones to pop up in Google if you searched for it. Apparently, Google was how this lady was able to find us.
After a LOT of back-and-forth I got the feeling that this lady had taken on a project without realizing what was involved. She wouldn't describe the project, but she had already formed a picture in her mind about how she was going to complete this project and was just calling us to have us confirm that it would work the way she expected.
How do you even begin with someone like that?
I tried telling her what our software does and, more importantly, doesn't do. That didn't compute. She kept questioning me hoping I'd confirm that it would not only process text, but would also put a man on the moon and rotate her tires while she waited.
So next I tried explaining a bit about the industry we are in and some of the myths people have about it. Since these were the same myths she was spouting, maybe she'd give up. Nope. More of the same questions, phrased differently in the hopes that she'd get the answers she was looking for.
As a last ditch, I offered her a copy of the demo version to play with. The output from our demo version is not correct, but at least she could see for herself that it wasn't going perform the miracles she was expecting.
That actually worked. After about five minutes of spoon-feeding how to download a demo from our web site, she was gone...
Now we go to today's B-plot, one of our reseller who called us up and ended up arguing about the answers he got. If anything he was even stupider...
Caller: I was wondering if you could look up a couple of invoices. I'm not sure if I've paid them.
[Insert back and forth about the fact that the only people with access to the accounting system are either at lunch or on the phone.]
Me: Would you like to leave a voice mail for them?
Caller: No. I'll just call back later.
Me: OK. Eugene will be back from lunch about one o'clock. That's..
Caller: That's...uh...an hour?
Me: We are on the east coast. So it would be one o'clock eastern time.
Caller: Yeah, you're in Westford?
Me: Yup. Massachusetts.
Caller: Are YOU from there?
Me:
Yes.
Caller: You don't sound like it.
Me: Oh. I've lived here since I was a baby.
Caller: Why don't you have an accent?
Me: [Jokingly] I'm pretty sure *everyone* has an accent. I guess mine just sounds a lot like yours.
Caller: [NOT joking] You don't say "Pahk the cah..."
Me: Uh.
Caller: And you don't talk like a Kennedy.
Me: I wouldn't know.
Caller: You can't be from BAHstun.
Me: So, if you call back around one, we'll have somebody look up those invoices for you.
[And the rest of the call was routine.]
When I told me co-worker, Mark, about that he laughed at my expense. He wound up paying dearly for it, though.
Because the caller from the A-plot called back and he picked up the phone!
Mark finally got some more information out of her than I did. It turns out that she was trying to produce artwork for pharmaceutical labels and wanted to incorporate the output from our software into the patient information.
Can we say "massive liability?"
Mark wasn't nearly as kind as I was. He flat out told her,
"It's not going to work the way you are expecting."
No effect. So he tried,
"The federal government has pages and pages of standards for this sort of thing which you must become familiar with before even attempting this."
Still nothing. He pulled out his trump card,
"I'm not trying to discourage you. I'd just hate to see you end up losing a lawsuit if somebody got injured because the labels you made had a mistake on them."
We think the word "lawsuit" actually made her pause a moment. But just moment. She went right back to assuming that she was getting answers she didn't like because we didn't understand the questions.
Mark actually ended up giving her a free time-limited fully-functional trial version. I dubbed it the "Enough Rope to Hang Yourself Special Offer."
I hope that ends it.
I can't go into details about what our software does because it would be very easy to identify the company I work for (not because we are big and famous (we are neither), but because we are the first ones to pop up in Google if you searched for it. Apparently, Google was how this lady was able to find us.
After a LOT of back-and-forth I got the feeling that this lady had taken on a project without realizing what was involved. She wouldn't describe the project, but she had already formed a picture in her mind about how she was going to complete this project and was just calling us to have us confirm that it would work the way she expected.
How do you even begin with someone like that?
I tried telling her what our software does and, more importantly, doesn't do. That didn't compute. She kept questioning me hoping I'd confirm that it would not only process text, but would also put a man on the moon and rotate her tires while she waited.
So next I tried explaining a bit about the industry we are in and some of the myths people have about it. Since these were the same myths she was spouting, maybe she'd give up. Nope. More of the same questions, phrased differently in the hopes that she'd get the answers she was looking for.
As a last ditch, I offered her a copy of the demo version to play with. The output from our demo version is not correct, but at least she could see for herself that it wasn't going perform the miracles she was expecting.
That actually worked. After about five minutes of spoon-feeding how to download a demo from our web site, she was gone...
Now we go to today's B-plot, one of our reseller who called us up and ended up arguing about the answers he got. If anything he was even stupider...
Caller: I was wondering if you could look up a couple of invoices. I'm not sure if I've paid them.
[Insert back and forth about the fact that the only people with access to the accounting system are either at lunch or on the phone.]
Me: Would you like to leave a voice mail for them?
Caller: No. I'll just call back later.
Me: OK. Eugene will be back from lunch about one o'clock. That's..
Caller: That's...uh...an hour?
Me: We are on the east coast. So it would be one o'clock eastern time.
Caller: Yeah, you're in Westford?
Me: Yup. Massachusetts.
Caller: Are YOU from there?
Me:
Yes.Caller: You don't sound like it.
Me: Oh. I've lived here since I was a baby.
Caller: Why don't you have an accent?
Me: [Jokingly] I'm pretty sure *everyone* has an accent. I guess mine just sounds a lot like yours.
Caller: [NOT joking] You don't say "Pahk the cah..."
Me: Uh.
Caller: And you don't talk like a Kennedy.
Me: I wouldn't know.
Caller: You can't be from BAHstun.
Me: So, if you call back around one, we'll have somebody look up those invoices for you.
[And the rest of the call was routine.]
When I told me co-worker, Mark, about that he laughed at my expense. He wound up paying dearly for it, though.
Because the caller from the A-plot called back and he picked up the phone!
Mark finally got some more information out of her than I did. It turns out that she was trying to produce artwork for pharmaceutical labels and wanted to incorporate the output from our software into the patient information.
Can we say "massive liability?"
Mark wasn't nearly as kind as I was. He flat out told her,
"It's not going to work the way you are expecting."
No effect. So he tried,
"The federal government has pages and pages of standards for this sort of thing which you must become familiar with before even attempting this."
Still nothing. He pulled out his trump card,
"I'm not trying to discourage you. I'd just hate to see you end up losing a lawsuit if somebody got injured because the labels you made had a mistake on them."
We think the word "lawsuit" actually made her pause a moment. But just moment. She went right back to assuming that she was getting answers she didn't like because we didn't understand the questions.
Mark actually ended up giving her a free time-limited fully-functional trial version. I dubbed it the "Enough Rope to Hang Yourself Special Offer."
I hope that ends it.
but I've actually gotten the SAME thing from people before (I'm from the same town). People didn't even believe I was from this area because I don't have a Boston accent.
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