Sucks To Be You Then.

[The Scaly Bard]

Banrion actually reminded me of this twit with a comment made on my earlier post today. I would just make it an additional comment to the original post, but I enjoyed screwing with this guy enough I feel it deserves it's own thread.

I live in Western Mass, literally about ten to twenty minutes from New Hampshire, where everything is tax-free (according to the cheapskate farkwits who feel COMPELLED to tell me every. God. Damn. Day). I don't know what smokes cost up there, I don't care. I don't smoke for a variety of reasons, one being that even at 26, if my mother found out, that would be a messy death for me, future Marine training be damned.

This one guy comes in usually every other day, always after whatever the newest two dollar ticket is and a pack of Marls. The fact he uses the money part of his food stamp card is but one of the many reasons I want to choke him with his own spleen.

Moronis McDipshit: "How much dat?"
Me *twitch*: "Five twenty-three." *Like it has been for the past six f'ing months I've been here, you dog-licker*
McDipshit *acting shocked*: "Fi' twen'y t'ree! You shittin' me! Dey cheaper in New Ham'sheer! Why dey so 'spensive?"
Me *shrugging*: "This is Taxachusetts. They gotta pay for the Big Dig somehow, and they can only slash education funding so much after all. Five twenty-three, cash or card?"
McDipshit *whipping his card at me, making me want to gut him with it*: "Man, dey's cheaper in New Ham'sheer! I should jus' go up dere and get 'em!"
Me: "Certainly your prerogative, sir. I get paid the same either way, so I really don't care."
McDipshit *Taking that whiny, I'm-entitled-but-everyone-keeps-picking-on-me tone*: "But I don' have a caaaarrrrrrrr!"
Me *smiling big as I hand him his receipt*: "Sucks to be you then, doesn't it? May I help whoever is next?"

Gods I love screwing with him and his ilk. It's so easy, just throw out some semi-big words like, "prerogative," "responsibility," "hygiene," and "dental care." They get that very funny looking deer-in-the-headlight-look that ensures that the gears have just been jammed for the next couple of hours at least.

[aurelemsrealm]

You're still nicer to those types than I tend to be. You called him sir, even if it was sarcasm, and handed his card and receipt back to him rather than just tossing them on the counter. I usually just tell them that I'm not the one insisting they buy it. Take it or leave it. I still get paid by the hour regardless of what you buy or bitch about and don't buy. I especially love the lottery customers who complain because they never win. Yeah, funny thing about that, you'd have better luck sticking your money in a jug and burying it in the backyard. That's why they call it gambling. It's not a retirement plan.

[The Scaly Bard]

The only reason I call ninety percent of these morons 'sir' or 'ma'am' is because I am a Southern boy, born and bred. Therefore, I was raised in the belief that if I didn't respect my 'elders' (even if they definitely don't deserve it), my ancestors would rise up out of the grave and get me.

That being said, I've lost a lot of that old training from eleven/twelve years working retail. However, some of it's just hardwired at this point.

And don't get me started on the lotto hounds. Seeing people drop five, six times my regular paycheck on tickets and the winnings also makes my blood pressure and anger rise in ways that probably defy the laws of physics. Now, if I could scrounge two bucks, I wouldn't mind trying the new Cash Word game, just because it looks fun, and I like crossword puzzles... even if I suck horribly at them.

[Imogene]

my ancestors would rise up out of the grave and get me.

I'd be more worried about the little red dragon/lizard thing with the voice of Eddie Murphy following you everywhere.