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New shift starts on Sunday (Monday for me, actually). I’ll go from 2 days on-2 days off then 2-days on-1 day off to 1 day on- 2 days of then 3 days on – 1 day off. I used to post after my 2 days worked, but I’m trying to get myself in the habit of posting at work. The good news (or bad news if you don’t like my particular brand of wit, sarcasm, and obscure references) is that I’ll be posting at a little more reasonable hour of the day and a little more consistently.
On with the show
SW: Sucky Woman
SM: Sucky Man
ME:
CW: Coworker
Listening Skills
SW: I need to cancel my account. I’ve been trying for months to change my phone number, and no one will do it for me.
ME: I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having trouble with that. I don’t see you’ve called us in the past 12 months, where did you request to change your phone number?
SW: When I pay my bill, I write on there that I want a new number. But I guess they don’t listen to me. Or they don’t care.
ME: I’m afraid that the lockbox center you send the bill slip to is unable to make changes to your account, they can only process payments. I’d be happy to go ahead and take care of that for you.
SW: No, it’s too late. I’ve already switched companies.
Yeah, cause, you know, it’s not like every single bill says to call customer service (and lists our 800#) for questions about your account, at the top of every single page.
Inquisitioning the inquisitor
ME: Hi, this is Kara, could I just have your name and mobile phone number please?
SM: Huh? Your name and mobile phone number?
No, I’m pretty sure that I already know that information, so I have no reason to ask you for it. And if you have it too, then I am very afraid. Thus, I will be changing my number and moving to Nevada under the assumed name of Bambi Frankenstein. I never thought about winding up a pole-dancer in a sleezy Vegas club, but at least you can't find me. And there will be a big, angry bouncer to throw out customers who get unruly.
I think I’ve found the problem
ME: And what is the problem you’ve been having with the phone?
SW: It’s… uuuuuuuhhh… hehe, I’m brain-dead.
Yes. I knew that by the incessant sound of banging every few seconds since you called me. Forget the phone, let's start with something more basic. Open door first, then walk through it. You might want to put some pants on, but I'll leave that up to you. See, I can help with all kinds of problems.
Unauthorized Preauthorized payment
SW: You people screwed me over!
ME: How did we do that?
SW: Well, first you charged me a ridiculous amount for going over my minutes, which I still don’t agree with but whatever. But then you took money out of my account without my permission!
ME: I see you called in on the 10th and spoke to our Financial Services team about your past due balance at that time. You agreed to a payment arrangement of a post-dated check, which is a preauthorized withdrawl from your bank account on a set date.
SW: But I didn’t have any money left after that payment and now I’m having all these other checks I’ve been writing declined!
ME: But you knew that the payment was going to come out on that date.
SW: Yes, but I didn’t authorize them to take that!
ME: You authorized it when you spoke to us on 08/10.
SW: But I didn’t authorize them to do it if it will make me overdraft!
My powers are indeed great, but as I’ve said before, I can’t see into the future. If I could, I would have chosen to log out of my system before you called. It’s not my problem you don’t manage your finances, or feel that it is your responsibility to call us and move the date of the preauthorized payment that you didn’t authorize. But look at the bright side..... no, I can't really think of one. Sucks to be you.
At least I’m not the only one suffering
CW: ARGH!
ME: Yeah, me too.
CW: Okay, where did (SUP) go?
ME: I dunno. You escalating one already?
CW: Yeah. She wants to talk to a sup.
ME: Just tell her the charges are valid. Put my approval on that. And tell her your supervisor said she’s a bitch.
CW: It’s not even about her bill. She… sigh… she’s just retarded.
Ah yes, the eternal thorn in our sides in customer care. But if it wasn’t for such “special” callers, we wouldn’t be employed. Plod on, dear coworker. It will all be worth it on payday.
Please hold
SW: Yeah, I want to get a new phone, but… can you hold for me?
ME: Sure!
…………..
SW: Sorry about that. So what kind of phone am I eligible for?
ME: We have a whole new line of phones that has come out in the last few months. Was there any particular phone or style of phone that you were looking for?
SW: No, I just want something that… can you hold for me again?
ME: Sure!
…………..
SW: Okay, so I want to get a phone that has a camera. And flips.
ME: Okay, I have quite a few of those. Let’s look at-
SW: Hold on, please.
ME: Sure!
…………..
SW: Still there?
ME: Yes.
SW: So you were saying?
ME: I was going to review our phones with you. Now, one of the best phones, and best deals I have right now is-
SW: Can you hold for me?
ME: Okay.
…………..
I’ll end it there. She did this to me for 20 minutes. Sometimes as soon as I opened my mouth to answer a question. Sometimes within seconds of coming back on the line. Eventually, she decided she’d just go to the store and look at phones. I understand you’re at work and you’re busy. But call when you have time! Don’t call me on the clock! You’ll get fired, then you won’t be able to pay your bill, then they company will have to cut costs, then I won't get a fat bonus check every quarter, and then I'll hunt you down like a dog. Because this princess has expensive habits. There are games to buy and clothes begging me to take them home. Although I guess I won't need much for clothing once I go into hiding. Or, that is, Bambi won't need them. Just gallons of stripper glitter.
Payment Asshat
SM: Yeah, I want to pay my bill.
ME: Okay. I can take the payment for you, but there would be a $5 fee. I can connect you to our automated system and it can take the payment without a fee.
SM: When did you start charging a fee?
ME: May 31st of this year.
SM: Fine, transfer me. $5 fee, that’s bullcrap. It’s not like you guys don’t make enough money. How petty can you get?
Yeah, you know something? We’re one of the last companies in the country to start charging for payments made with a rep. You know why we did it? First of all, there’s like 6 options to pay your bill without calling, and they’re all still free. It costs us an average of $12 every time some calls in and speaks to a rep. We also have millions of customers who call in every day to make a payment when they could do it themselves in other avenues. So we have customers with real issues who have to wait on hold before they can talk to anybody because of all the people calling to make payments. Now they start complaining about the hold time. We had to do something, so we did.
On with the show
SW: Sucky Woman
SM: Sucky Man
ME:
CW: Coworker
Listening Skills
SW: I need to cancel my account. I’ve been trying for months to change my phone number, and no one will do it for me.
ME: I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having trouble with that. I don’t see you’ve called us in the past 12 months, where did you request to change your phone number?
SW: When I pay my bill, I write on there that I want a new number. But I guess they don’t listen to me. Or they don’t care.
ME: I’m afraid that the lockbox center you send the bill slip to is unable to make changes to your account, they can only process payments. I’d be happy to go ahead and take care of that for you.
SW: No, it’s too late. I’ve already switched companies.
Yeah, cause, you know, it’s not like every single bill says to call customer service (and lists our 800#) for questions about your account, at the top of every single page.
Inquisitioning the inquisitor
ME: Hi, this is Kara, could I just have your name and mobile phone number please?
SM: Huh? Your name and mobile phone number?
No, I’m pretty sure that I already know that information, so I have no reason to ask you for it. And if you have it too, then I am very afraid. Thus, I will be changing my number and moving to Nevada under the assumed name of Bambi Frankenstein. I never thought about winding up a pole-dancer in a sleezy Vegas club, but at least you can't find me. And there will be a big, angry bouncer to throw out customers who get unruly.
I think I’ve found the problem
ME: And what is the problem you’ve been having with the phone?
SW: It’s… uuuuuuuhhh… hehe, I’m brain-dead.
Yes. I knew that by the incessant sound of banging every few seconds since you called me. Forget the phone, let's start with something more basic. Open door first, then walk through it. You might want to put some pants on, but I'll leave that up to you. See, I can help with all kinds of problems.
Unauthorized Preauthorized payment
SW: You people screwed me over!
ME: How did we do that?
SW: Well, first you charged me a ridiculous amount for going over my minutes, which I still don’t agree with but whatever. But then you took money out of my account without my permission!
ME: I see you called in on the 10th and spoke to our Financial Services team about your past due balance at that time. You agreed to a payment arrangement of a post-dated check, which is a preauthorized withdrawl from your bank account on a set date.
SW: But I didn’t have any money left after that payment and now I’m having all these other checks I’ve been writing declined!
ME: But you knew that the payment was going to come out on that date.
SW: Yes, but I didn’t authorize them to take that!
ME: You authorized it when you spoke to us on 08/10.
SW: But I didn’t authorize them to do it if it will make me overdraft!
My powers are indeed great, but as I’ve said before, I can’t see into the future. If I could, I would have chosen to log out of my system before you called. It’s not my problem you don’t manage your finances, or feel that it is your responsibility to call us and move the date of the preauthorized payment that you didn’t authorize. But look at the bright side..... no, I can't really think of one. Sucks to be you.
At least I’m not the only one suffering
CW: ARGH!
ME: Yeah, me too.
CW: Okay, where did (SUP) go?
ME: I dunno. You escalating one already?
CW: Yeah. She wants to talk to a sup.
ME: Just tell her the charges are valid. Put my approval on that. And tell her your supervisor said she’s a bitch.
CW: It’s not even about her bill. She… sigh… she’s just retarded.
Ah yes, the eternal thorn in our sides in customer care. But if it wasn’t for such “special” callers, we wouldn’t be employed. Plod on, dear coworker. It will all be worth it on payday.
Please hold
SW: Yeah, I want to get a new phone, but… can you hold for me?
ME: Sure!
…………..
SW: Sorry about that. So what kind of phone am I eligible for?
ME: We have a whole new line of phones that has come out in the last few months. Was there any particular phone or style of phone that you were looking for?
SW: No, I just want something that… can you hold for me again?
ME: Sure!
…………..
SW: Okay, so I want to get a phone that has a camera. And flips.
ME: Okay, I have quite a few of those. Let’s look at-
SW: Hold on, please.
ME: Sure!
…………..
SW: Still there?
ME: Yes.
SW: So you were saying?
ME: I was going to review our phones with you. Now, one of the best phones, and best deals I have right now is-
SW: Can you hold for me?
ME: Okay.
…………..
I’ll end it there. She did this to me for 20 minutes. Sometimes as soon as I opened my mouth to answer a question. Sometimes within seconds of coming back on the line. Eventually, she decided she’d just go to the store and look at phones. I understand you’re at work and you’re busy. But call when you have time! Don’t call me on the clock! You’ll get fired, then you won’t be able to pay your bill, then they company will have to cut costs, then I won't get a fat bonus check every quarter, and then I'll hunt you down like a dog. Because this princess has expensive habits. There are games to buy and clothes begging me to take them home. Although I guess I won't need much for clothing once I go into hiding. Or, that is, Bambi won't need them. Just gallons of stripper glitter.
Payment Asshat
SM: Yeah, I want to pay my bill.
ME: Okay. I can take the payment for you, but there would be a $5 fee. I can connect you to our automated system and it can take the payment without a fee.
SM: When did you start charging a fee?
ME: May 31st of this year.
SM: Fine, transfer me. $5 fee, that’s bullcrap. It’s not like you guys don’t make enough money. How petty can you get?
Yeah, you know something? We’re one of the last companies in the country to start charging for payments made with a rep. You know why we did it? First of all, there’s like 6 options to pay your bill without calling, and they’re all still free. It costs us an average of $12 every time some calls in and speaks to a rep. We also have millions of customers who call in every day to make a payment when they could do it themselves in other avenues. So we have customers with real issues who have to wait on hold before they can talk to anybody because of all the people calling to make payments. Now they start complaining about the hold time. We had to do something, so we did.
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