I am never having children.

[GingerBiscuit]

My parents managed to raise a polite, intelligent, happy, respectful, individual child and a thoroughly brilliant addition to society. And they are very proud of me.....



....

They just still haven't got over the fact they were stupid enough to teach me to talk back and to question authority figures.


This from my normally relatively un-demonstrative dad on the phone the other night.

And I think they managed it as they always treated me like I had enough brains to understand why something was happening.

'We're punishing you because you did *this* which is wrong *because*'

[XCashier]

I am never having children....Because God forbid I end up like one of THESE anuscakes. (props to GK!)

The sad thing is, this is always said by the intelligent, well-grounded folks who would make decent parents and raise intelligent, well-grounded children. And it's always the stupid, self-centered arseholes who produce dozens of kids and raise them to be stupid, self-centered arseholes like themselves.

Smart, sensible people of the world, we need to out-breed the morons before "Idiocracy" becomes reality!

[blas]

Too late, XCashier.

There's so many stupid people walking the earth, sometimes I wonder how these people make it on their own.

[Jester]

She's still ten times meaner than me.

I mean this as a compliment, and hope you take it as such....






...but there's no way that that is possible! And if it is, and she is, may the gods have mercy on the rest of us!

[Gurndigarn]

They just still haven't got over the fact they were stupid enough to teach me to talk back and to question authority figures.

That's not stupid. Stupid is doing when you shouldn't, just because you want to. Stupid is doing it because you made it a habit and don't even think about consequences first.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Too late, XCashier.

Plus some of us just flat-out don't want kids at all.

[Gravekeeper]

My mom could silence me with a look. She never need raise her voice. But then I never talked back to her ( Oddly, I had respect for her ) and I have never, ever, EVER once yelled at her.

She *always* explained exactly why I shouldn't do something, why I was being punished for doing it and what affect my behaviour had on other people around me. So that I would understand why it was wrong rather then just being told "Don't do that, its wrong.".

If only we had a forum for discussing stuff like that... Hmmm...if only....oh...wait a minute...what's this here link on the front page of the site?
What's this here "Fratching!" thing?

Again? But that trick never works!

[GingerBiscuit]

That's not stupid. Stupid is doing when you shouldn't, just because you want to. Stupid is doing it because you made it a habit and don't even think about consequences first.

I think they were more saying that they couldn't believe I then used their teaching on THEM.

As my mum said 'we wanted you to question authority, just not us!'

[Gurndigarn]

That's not stupid. Stupid is doing when you shouldn't, just because you want to. Stupid is doing it because you made it a habit and don't even think about consequences first.

I think they were more saying that they couldn't believe I then used their teaching on THEM.

As my mum said 'we wanted you to question authority, just not us!'

Tough. Here's the basic idea of child-rearing and consequences:

1) Make sure your children are able to think.

2) Make sure that your children respect authority, but don't blindly follow it. In other words, that they want to know the reasons you have leaders (there are some good ones), as well as the reasons that leaders fail at times, and understand balancing following a leader with speaking up or striking out on your own.

3) Accept that once you've done that, they're not always going to agree with you. Do your best to make sure that when they do veer off any course you recommend for them, that it's their inexperience that's causing the difference, not incompetence on your part. Either way, accept that they've got the choice to make, and all you can do is suggest and enourage. And know that if you take "suggest and encourage" to the point of being "nag", you're going to make it longer before they're willing to reevaluate their choices.

3A) Don't try to plan out any part of their life that ends up coming down to personal choice. You can start them on music, sports, or the like, but if they don't like it, STOP. They're not you and they don't like the same things you do, and they don't have the same priorities you have. If they ask to start on music, sports, etc., and you don't think they have the determination to stick through the rough stuff, talk with them in advance and explain how long they MUST continue if you go through the expense and hassle of helping them start and get them to agree to it before you pony up the money/time.

4) While they're kids, decide what important ground rules you will need before they become an issue. Revise them as needed, but only if needed. Do not revise them because your children whine about them.

5) Understand that once they're adults, they're responsible for themselves. If you don't like their choices, the most you can do is tell them not to do them in your house (or not to bring home the consequences).

5A) You may need to push the kids out of the nest. If the need comes up, do it. This is where a lot of parents fail. For a while I ran a sig along the lines of "No freedom is complete without the freedom to take the consequences." It's entirely true. Consequences are the best teacher there is, anywhere. If you shield you children from consequences, you're taking away a valuable teaching tool, and crippling their ability to learn and grow. (No, that doesn't mean you throw them to the wolves at a very young age. The general balance between protecting them and allowing them to suffer the results is based on what they can understand.)

5A1) Paying for everything they have/do without expecting something (usually work) in return is just as bad for their long-term personal education. Not putting any caps on your spending for them is really going to hurt them as well as put a dent in your personal finances.

5B) Hey, you may not like their spouse. Live with it. How well do most people get along with their in-laws? It works in reverse, too.


Well, that ran on longer than I was expecting. Sorry for the soapbox; I'll step down now.

[iradney]

Everything Gurndigarn said is what my parents did. My mom more than my dad, he's still a little clingy (Yo! Dad! Love ya, but i'm nearly 30!). She had no problem with me bumping my head, and then gleefully saying "I told you so!"
If there's one thing I've learnt about my Mom, it's that she is always right. Always.

[XCashier]

Plus some of us just flat-out don't want kids at all.

I understand that. I was being somewhat facetious with my post. I was just semi-ranting because it seems like the stupid people, who have no business raising pet rocks, let alone children, always seem to multiply like rabbits, while the smart people have few or no children.

[Becks]

My parents managed to raise a polite, intelligent, happy, respectful, individual child and a thoroughly brilliant addition to society. And they are very proud of me.....



....

They just still haven't got over the fact they were stupid enough to teach me to talk back and to question authority figures.

Are you a long lost sibling of mine? I thought we had them all rounded up.

[Imogene]

Get a box with a lock and keep the key around your neck?

Only if you've got tentacles to hide that key in.

[MystyGlyttyr]

...but there's no way that that is possible! And if it is, and she is, may the gods have mercy on the rest of us!

Ohhhh, it's possible. I mean, this is the woman who taught me everything I know. Unlike her, though, I've never greeted anyone at the front door with a shotgun, or made a fair attempt at sideswiping some doofus who wouldn't move out of the street, or made VERY thinly veiled references to the school superintendent about horrible things that happen when people try to screw with her children...

And so far as I'm aware, I never attempted to inflict bodily harm on my own father...she took HER dad to the cleaners a good many times (her dad was an asshole and deserved it, too).

SO...yeah. I think she has me totally beat.

[Jester]

Ohhhh, it's possible.

SO...yeah. I think she has me totally beat.

May the gods have mercy on any who piss her off! Run away! Run away!