Shoplifters...and how not to steal...

[toolbert]

*starts playing 1950's educational film music*

Hello and welcome to how not to steal from my store. I will teach you many steps on how not to steal by showing you examples from this past wednesday in which 3 young men tried to steal a demo model from my store.

Step 1: Don't pretend to steal the unit first.

You see, when little Timmy and his friends came in, Timmy turned his back to me and put the demo unit, security cable and all, in his front pocket. He then approached the counter and started joking about taking it and how incredibly stupid he looked. Now, I'm not one to disagree with someone looking stupid, but please don't draw more attention to yourself than you should.

Step 2: Don't use your even dumber friend to try and pull my attention away from you.

Now Timmy's friend Bert thought it would be fun to try and ask me about another unit that he had no interest in. So when he tried to step in front of me, its pretty obvious that he's running a block and run operation. This is definitly not a move you should do unless you're a pro at it and especially if I'm standing right next to your friend who's trying to steal something from me.

Step 3: Don't turn your back on me when you think your plan is working. Also, check for mall security when you plan your great heist.

Seriously now, Timmy tried to pull off the security cable and was surprised that an alarm actually went off.

"What's that sound?" he asked.
"Why its your dumbass setting off my alarm," I replied.

Not only was he caught by me, Timmy and his friends tried to run this awful attempt right by a security guard who promptly removed he and his friends from the place of buisness to the mall's security office. Their mothers were called to pick them up and embarrassment ensued. Imagine boys and girls, being between 17 and 19 and having your or your friend's mom come pick you up from the mall for attempted shoplifting. That may scar you for the rest of your life.

So if you follow these simple steps, you may not get caught in my store for shoplifting and have your mother called to pick you up from the mall. Of course, the best way is not to steal at all....>.>;;

[Lehk]

would have been more fun to release them to the local authorities, so their parents can pick them up from county

[thenotoriousajc]

Yah that would be pretty embarassing. That almost reminds me of the time my brother got banned from the mall. No...not for stealing He and his friends thought it would be funny to buy stink bombs in the gift shop/random store in the mall and place them...in almost every other store hehe...dang the parents were pissed when mall security called :P

[Phone Jockey]

I like the way you broke that down. Good format and it taught me that stealing is bad and not a good way to meet studs like you! ROFL

[Imogene]

Step 4: Do NOT under any circumstances, proclaim loudly to your friends that you should just "Download a copy of Fantastic Four, or I could burn a copy for you, or..." while standing in a movie store.

Seriously, more often than I care to recall, I would have teenagers that I was checking out, and one of them would say something similar to the above. And I'd stop dead in my tracks, staring at whomever said it, until they got uncomfortable. And I'd let them know "Yeah, not exactly wise to tell me you're stealing."

[Palsgraf]

A co-worker suspected that the knuckleheads at her table would try to skip-out without paying. Once she saw them get up to leave, she went to the table & grabbed their bill, then rushed (using a short-cut) to the front door when she greeted their very surprised faces with, "Oh, you forgot your bill. I can take your payment right here for you."

[Imogene]

Step 5. (just remembered this guy) If you attempt to take a movie out of the store, and really, really, absolutely must have that movie, just cover your ears when you walk through the alarm going off, then walk straight into Victoria's Secret, open the movie, and pop it into one of their VCRs to watch. Seriously.
The anime geek who I inherited the title from followed the guy out of the store with the intent to catch him, as he wasn't going very quickly... told us later he didn't even realise he had wandered into Vickie's... did a sudden double take and felt lost immediately, but he did get the opened tape back. Three Caballeros, of all things. Don't think I ever saw that guy again.

Step 6. If you are attempting to steal something, don't just stand in the sensors and let them wail. Either get in the store so we can pummel you, or go out, so the police can pummel you, either way, that sound bugs the crap out of everyone who works in the store.

Step 7. If you're attempting to steal, don't just give up as soon as you realise we have sensors in place to stop you from stealing. Waiting around for the cops to show up is a _BAD_ idea!