That's nice and all, but I'm not your golden retriever. (long)

[AnqeiicDemise]

I've been working at my new job for about a month and a half now, been on the phones for three weeks. Technically I'm still in a training enviroment but I'm getting the hang of it just fine. For the most part, I can figure out the answers to the questions that the owners have and all is fine.

I'd been looking forward to, yet dreading, the day I got something worthy enough to share with you guys. So here goes. (I too am stealing GK and Kara's format. Its just loveably awesome.) I mean, generally, our callers are pretty decent. After all, we're a private company and most owners are educated and know what they're doing with their accounts. Ocassionally, however....

M: me
SC: duh.
T: Trainer
S: supervisor

(I'm keeping it genderless because in this enviroment, it really doesn't matter what the sex of the person is.)

When I say jump, you're supposed to say 'how high?'


M: Thank you for calling (my company), this is Demise speaking, how can I help you with your membership?
SC: Yeah, I would like to deposit points with (affiliated company) please, how do I go about that with you?
M: I can certainly help you with that.. I just need to get a bit of information from you....

I smile, she smiles, we go about rallying information and all is good until...

M: m'am, I'm sorry to say that you don't have an (affiliated company) ID number. You said you just got through talking to (department) and (so-n-so) said it'd been taken care of?
SC: that's right. I called last week. (so-n-so) said she'd call me back .
M: Okay, give me a moment and find out what's going on with that. -looking up notes- Well, it says here that (so-n-so) specified it would two weeks for your ID number to be generated, and that you should call
SC: SHE SAID SHE WOULD CALL ME BACK! SHE SAID IT WAS DONE! SHE SAID SHE SAID I COULD DEPOSIT TODAY! I CANNOT BELEIVE THIS SERVICE! YOU ARE A BUNCH OF LIARS!
M: m'am...it's only been a wee---
SC: SHE SAID IT WAS DONE!
M: It will take another week.
SC: I waited so long to deposit my points. They're going to expire...(blah,blah, I'm totally tuning her out)
M: Generally it takes months for an (affiliate company) ID to generate, and I apologize it wasn't done sooner; however, (so-n-so) marked the issue of higher importance and your ID will be generated next week. You will need to call ba--
SC: What are you going to do?
M: pardon?
SC: what are you going to do to fix my vacation?
M: there's nothing I can do without an ID number. I cannot book reservations for (affiliate company). I can only deposit points and transfer you to them, but I need an ID number for (affiliate company).
SC: so you're not gonig to do anything about my points.
M: There's nothing I can do about your points, m'am. I can, however, get a supervisor for you and see if he or she can find something else.Will you please hold?
SC: no.
M: ....
SC: I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY POINTS! I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK! I WANT YOU TO--
M: I can't do anything about that m'am, but if you can please hold, I can get someone who can on the line.
SC: YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME!
M: m'am, would you please hold?
SC: (insert bunch of yelling that makes no sense.)

Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

M: -puts her on hold anyway-
T: -plugs into the phone-

Rinse. Wash.Repeat said prior.
T: There is nothing I can do about that m'am, but I can get someone else on the line if you please hold.
SC: -yelling, bawling-
T: please hold.

This I heard while my trainer and I were on mute and writing notes on SC's account.

S: Thank you for holding, m'am, I see here that (so-n-so) put a high-priority on your account so you can get that ID. It won't be ready until next week.
SC: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT MY POINTS? MY TIME? MY VACATION? YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE!
S: -pause- m'am, I need you to stop yelling.
SC: -yells even more- I WANT TO TALK TO (so-n-so)
S: She's not here right now, m'am, its her day off. I can have her call you back tomorrow when she comes back.
SC: She's going to call me tomorrow at 8 am.
S: I cannot guarantee that as I do not know what time she's coming in.
SC: NO. SHE WILL CALL ME AT 8 AM!
S: I cannot guarantee that...I will, however, have her call as soon as she is available.
SC: SHE WILL CALL ME AT 8 AM!
S: I cannot guarantee that, m'am, as I do not know what time she comes in...and I am sorry to say but there might be other issues at hand wich (so-n-so) needs to deal with before calling you.
SC: SHE WILL--
S: Thank you for calling (my company), have a good day.

After that call, my trainer turned to me and patted me in the back as it'd been my first call *ever* and I'd maintained my cool. She had, after all, snapped at that woman like four times before dumping her off to the next department.

C: coworker
Three times the charm.

SC: I want to go (place) for (such dates) what's available?
M: I can certainly check that for you... -pause- I have a full week available at (place) starting (this date) for (this amount of points) in a one bedroom.
SC: how about a two bedroom?
M: -pauses.- I'm sorry to say we don't have that available.
SC: How about a three bedroom?
M: I only have single hotel rooms.
SC: How about a suite?
M: I only have hotel rooms.
SC: How about for (dates)
M: I don't have that. I only have *hotel rooms*.
SC: Okay, how about for (dates).?
M: I don't have any available. I only have hotel rooms.
SC: How about a room plus?
M: We don't have such rooms available.
SC:......
M:......
SC: But I called earlier and someone told me they had suites.
M: -thinking- god, you asshat, what part of ONLY do you not understand?!! -speaking- The resort itself has suites, but *our* inventory only gets hotel rooms.
SC: So when will you be getting suites?
M: We won't be getting suites. (resort) is an affiliate of ours and is not owned by (my company).. we only get the inventory they want us to have and those are hotel rooms.
SC: So.. you have no suites available?
M: no.
SC: .....
M: ..... Is there anything else I can do for you today?
SC: so.. no suites?
M: -mute- ARGH!H!H!
C: omg, is he still on that?
M: -nods-

But she said I could do it for her!

SC: So, my grandmother wants you to resend her the confirmation letter...
M: And your name?
SC: Defdork
M: Well, Defdork, since you're not listed as an user of this account, I cannot help you with the issue. I will need you to have your grandmother call directly--
SC: But she asked me to do this for her.
M: I understand that, but for safety issues, I cannot speak to anyone outside of the account holder.
SC: but I'm not asking anything about the account, I just need you to resend her this!
M: I know, and I understand the frustration, but I cannot do that as I'd need her to verify some information before I can make such request.
SC: but I have all that information here.
M: I still cannot help you with that as you are not authorized--
SC: BUT SHE SAID I COULD!
M: If your name is not on the account, I cannot help you.
SC: Well, then, GO TO HELL! -click-
M: Why yes, m'am, waffle cones are awesome ( GK. It makes me laugh too and no one gets it at work.)

Hmm.. I wonder how she'd respond to the fact that I don't believe in hell..

Anyway, I'm just glad that 98% of our customers are in the positive IQ range.

[LizaMarie]

Ach, I hate the ones that say "You WILL do xyz"

You WILL be knocked off your high horse by a lowhanging branch! It makes me want to do the complete opposite of whatever they want me to. It's a service! No one HAS to do anything for you!

[ShadedWings]

M: Why yes, m'am, waffle cones are awesome ( GK. It makes me laugh too and no one gets it at work.)

I told that story to my coworkers and they laughed so hard... I just wish I could say something like that to people!

I also get the whole "but they said I could!" fight in all its lovely varieties. No one seems to get "Yes, but they need to tell US that you can." answer.

Not sure if I said it on another thread or not, I've not been sleeping much lately, but I love it when people tell me "Well then get me your supervisor, THEY will get me an extension!" I so hard when I look back later and see notes that they were sooo wrong.

[AnqeiicDemise]

I told that story to my coworkers and they laughed so hard... I just wish I could say something like that to people!

I also get the whole "but they said I could!" fight in all its lovely varieties. No one seems to get "Yes, but they need to tell US that you can." answer.

Not sure if I said it on another thread or not, I've not been sleeping much lately, but I love it when people tell me "Well then get me your supervisor, THEY will get me an extension!" I so hard when I look back later and see notes that they were sooo wrong.

So, I go back to that account to check up on the notes as I had a hunch that she was going to call back or something.

She sure did. My Trainer was taking calls that day and happened to have gotten her on queue. Said Trainer was already pissy enough as *another* lady had called in about her points being messed up and had to deal with the woman lying through her teeth. I just saw T. clench her jaw and almost yell "It doesn't matter if you got permission from your grandmother, I NEED to talk to HER to verify all the information, and quite frankly, I don't want to deal with any calls that start with 'somebody called in claiming to be me and changed this and this..."

It was awesome.

[HawaiianShirts]

I know you're really making more of a philosophical statement, but I have to...

Hmm.. I wonder how she'd respond to the fact that I don't believe in hell..

You don't believe in hell? And you work in a call center?

Sorry. I couldn't resist.

Isn't it funny how some customers can flip from calm and civil to violent and irrational the very moment they can see they won't be getting what they want?

Only once have I had someone scream and yell and cuss and give me orders for what I was going to do for him (many times I've had orders or screaming or cussing, but only once did I get all of that rolled into one). I kept repeating, much the same way you and your supervisor did, that I could not do what he wanted. I had given him options, but he didn't like them. The conversation ended like this:

SC: Well, then, what the (expletive) are you going to do for me?
Me: Smile politely?

Then he told me where I could shove my smile and stormed off while another customer behind me was choking on a laugh. It was great.

[AnqeiicDemise]

I know you're really making more of a philosophical statement, but I have to...



You don't believe in hell? And you work in a call center?

Sorry. I couldn't resist.

I don't believe in hell, as my religious preference does not accept the theory of 'the devil'...

Then again, if there WERE a hell, a call center is the closest damn thing to one.

[CancelMyService]

A friend of mine has an awesome way of dealing with the screamers/swearers at the place he works for (he's a trainer at a gym). When it becomes obvious that the conversation has reached the stage where the SC is just screaming for screaming's sake he just keeps replying "OK". It's hilarious to see in action as it drives the SC nuts and you have zero risk of getting in trouble because all you're saying is OK. Eventually they get so upset they'll either stom off or get so upset they burst a blood vessel.

Either way you win.

[Jester]

Hmm.. I wonder how she'd respond to the fact that I don't believe in hell...

You've obviously never driven in New Jersey.....

[AnqeiicDemise]

You've obviously never driven in New Jersey.....

I may have masochistic tendencies but even I have my limits...

When I lived in SF (yay for a short dorm life), I only drove my car out of the garage ONCE a month to make sure the battery didn't die...and even then, only around the block.

I wouldn't want to drive in such congested areas. gross

[Shengirl]

You've obviously never driven in New Jersey.....

I have never been so lost in my life. I wasn't driving, but still. My friends and I decided that we needed to do something stupid to finish off our freshman year, so, after watching Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, thought finding the nearest White Castle was a grand idea. We're in the Baltimore Metropolitan Area, and the nearest WC is in Newark, NJ. I shit you not, it was a trip comparable to the movie. Mapquest gave us ambiguous directions, so we didn't get on the Turnpike when we were supposed to. FYI, 95 goes north, and north, and all of a sudden starts going south, no notice, no turns; you just start having descending exit numbers instead of ascending.

Next, we needed gas and had a hard time finding a place that was open late 'cause retarded NJ won't let you pump your own gas. Then we got on the Turnpike, but weren't sure which way to go. We were in the right lane, going towards Elizabeth, and the driver's like, "Which way?!" Then someone shouts, "Elizabeth!" which we were already heading towards, so of course the driver changes lanes and goes the wrong way. Turned out to be a toll bridge and no freaking exit or turnaround before the freaking toll. Silence in the car until...

Me: "Uh, guys?"
Them: "Yeah?"
Me: "'Welcome to Staten Island.'" :oints at the sign that says so::

THEN we stopped at a 7-11 for directions and got a guy who had literally only been in the country 3 weeks and had no earthly clue. And when we found the address? It had been replaced by a Burger Palace or something. FINALLY, we asked some guy on a shady corner and found the nearest White Castle, 'cause hell if we were giving up after all that.

And on the way back, my friend was nearly molested in the men's bathroom at a rest stop.

[BookstoreEscapee]

We're in the Baltimore Metropolitan Area, and the nearest WC is in Newark, NJ.

Um, not true...there's one in Eatontown, near the mall, and also apparently in Toms River, both much further south than Newark... <ducks>

Next, we needed gas and had a hard time finding a place that was open late 'cause retarded NJ won't let you pump your own gas.

Believe it or not, I pumped my own gas for the first time ever this weekend, in Connecticut on my way home from Rhode Island...and it cost me 50 cents more per gallon than it did when I got gas in NJ before I left (Usually I'm with someone on such a road trip and they have always done the pumping.)

[Shengirl]

Um, not true...there's one in Eatontown, near the mall, and also apparently in Toms River, both much further south than Newark... <ducks>

Well, either they weren't there 3 years ago, or the White Castle site LIES. What did we know? We were just kids!

Also, the cost of gas isn't why I dislike not being able to pump my own gas. It's my car and I'm well-capable of doing it myself. Besides, it seemed harder to find 24-hr gas stations, and I guessed (correct me if I'm wrong) that it had to do with having to employ full-service employees to do it rather than just some guy inside the 7-11 to keep an eye on things/take cash and turn on the pump if you prefer to pay inside.

[Jester]

While there are so many errors I could point out in your story, the most obvious one is this....

YOU VOLUNTARILY WENT TO NEWARK, NEW JERSEY!

Their city motto is: "Just like New York City! (Only without all the good stuff...)

If there is a bigger hole of a city that is not named Detroit, I don't know of it.

And while I have driven in NJ, I have no idea how you could possibly be on 95 north and then be going south. Then again, your driver, from your own descriptions, didn't sound all that bright. And Staten Island? Staten Island? Almost worse than being in Newark.

Almost.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Well, either they weren't there 3 years ago, or the White Castle site LIES. What did we know? We were just kids!

I know the Eatontown one was there 3 years ago. I can't vouch for the other, or the website.

Luckily I have not had the need to search for open gas stations late at night. It's rare that I'd be that low that I wouldn't just go home and get gas the next day, if it was really late. But you're probably right...I would guess they'd need at least 2 people to run a station, especially if they have a convenience store, also...