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I swear, sometimes it's not the suckiness of customers, but the sheer stupidity that drives me bonkers. I'm surprised my IQ has dropped 50 points since starting at the call center. Here's some of last week's fun.
M = Me
DC/SC = dumb customer/sucky customer
The Calendar Clod
I don't remember what the call was about, but this woman apparently did so poorly in school (if she even ever went to school) that she failed to have memorized the order of the months and demonstrated this masterful skill TWICE on the same call!
First occurence:
Me: Ok and when did you first call in about this issue?
DC: It was the month before August...May! I called in May!
Second occurence:
DC: Let me see, I changed phones in...what month comes after June?
Me: (shaking my head) The month after June is July.
(upon hearing this, an agent near me starts cracking up)
The worst like, call, like, ever!
This woman wasn't so much sucky and just plain ANNOYING. Obviously we cant't see our callers, but this girl I wouldn't doubt was a ditzy blonde, too much money for her own good, and an IQ of somewhere below 50. The Paris Hilton syndrome is spreading...be afraid america...
Here are three gems from little miss genius:
DC: I think I like, signed up for like, service in like May.
DC: They told me like, I would like, get like a credit or like something on my account.
DC: Also I'm like, interested in like, upgrading my like, phone
(Like if you keep talking that way, I'm going to like find a 2X4 and like crack you over the head with, kay?)
Fantasy Island
SC: I went in to a store and asked if I could get service in Haiti and they say no, so I leave my phone at home and go to Haiti for a month. Now I come back and I have huge phone bill, I was not here! I want a credit for one month of my bill!
M: Ok, so you went on a vacation, DID NOT tell us you were leaving and now you want us to credit the month you were gone?
SC: I was gone man, I was not 'ere because you people said ma phone would not work in Haiti.
(this sequence was repeated once again)
M: Ok, I understand. You asked a store rep if you could get service in Haiti and they said no, but you did not tell us you were leaving and that being the case, we didn't know you were gone and the charges are valid. If you had told us before we could have put you on a vacation plan for the month you were away.
SC: Wait, I DID tell the guy I was leaving, I did. (ohhh you're swift, now that you realize what MIGHT have gotten you a break on your bill you start lying to try and get it)
M: You just told me TWICE sir that you did NOT tell us you were leaving and there are no notes on your account indicating as such.
SC: Now wait, I gone into a store on..August 3rd I think to tell 'em I was leaving.
M: Sir there are no notes on your account between July 27th and August 18th, the charges on your account are valid (busted yet AGAIN lying...impressive, but you are not a jedi dumbass yet)
SC: I been with you guys for 7 years! How you gonna treat me this way! Either you credit me, get rid of this bill or I'm going to cancel this phone.
M: Well sir I see you have been with us for several years now but I also see you haven't paid a bill in the last FOUR months and your account has been disconnected over 6 times during your service with us. (it doesn't matter if you've been with us 7 years or 7 months, if you have a bad pay history, you won't get many credits) I'll say it one more time: here will be no credit on these charges.
SC: Fine, I'ma just cancel this account then. I hope you feel bad about losin a good customah!
M: I'll be happy to transfer to you to cancellations, have a wonderful day.
In all the crazy credit requests this one has to be up near the top. Guy goes on vacation, DOES NOT tell us, comes back and wants us to credit his bill? Unreal.
Well actually...
Not sucky, just rather funny. The FCC rules have changed and as of the end of the year, we can't use social security numbers to verify people any longer, but for the time being, we still can though we primarily use passwords. SSN's are used only for accounts with no password set up.
M: Can I get the password or the last 4 of the social?
SC: You are NOT getting the last 4 of my social, password is XXXX
Why is this funny you ask? I had his ENTIRE social security number displaying on my screen at the time, so despite his stern refusal, I actually DID get his last 4 and a whole lot more.
Yes sir, Major dickwad, SIR!
SC: I'm going over my last bill and I see data charges on my line here for 22.57. Those WILL come off the bill! I also see text messaging charges for 2.30 on my wife's line. My wife does not use text messaging, those WILL come off the bill as well!
M: Ok, well let me look into this for a moment.
SC: Look, I don't need you to look into it, I've been over the bill several times, I know where the mistakes are. Every month you people screw up something on my bill and every month I have to call in to get it fixed.
M: Well I am reviewing your account details here and I see seven separate instances of data usage on your line. There was data used.
SC: NO, there was NOT. Listen son, I KNOW what I use and don't use on my phone and I do NOT use internet stuff. I understand you are simply telling me what your system shows, I am telling you that your system is WRONG because I do NOT use that stuff. (Our system is right more often than customers think, the problem is they never remember what they did to cause data charges)
M: Well this indicates that you did sir, at least a couple of megabytes worth. I can't credit back for valid charges.
SC: Valid? Are you deaf or something? I just told you I DO not use that stuff and I also told you that WILL come off the bill. Understand?
M: I understand you are asking if you can get a credit for data overages on your bill--
SC: No son, I was not ASKING for anything, I was TELLING you to credit my account for these errors. YOU GUYS screwed this up.
M: Ok well I can credit back for the text messaging (It was a valid charge, but what the heck it's $2.30 so not a big deal) but as I said the data charges are valid.
SC: Unbelievable. You guys screw this up and then try to tell me I have to pay for something I didn't use? What kind of crooks are you? You know what, if you aren't going to help me either get me someone who can or I'll just cancel this whole account.
M: As I said sir, as much as you may feel otherwise, these are valid charges. I'll transfer you to cancellations.
Ok I don't mind a customer asking me IF I can do something, but calling up and TELLING me I am GOING to do it, that'll put you in my bad books real fast. I am not in the military, nor do I work fast food. I do NOT respond well to orders.
Who cares about a Hurricane? I want my CREDIT!
This call came from Brownsville, TX. I was not aware of Humberto at the time.
(note I conferenced in tech support for this call, indicated by TS)
SC: My phones stopped working a couple of hours ago, I can't make calls on any of them.
Me: Ok well there's no service interruption on your account and all the phones are showing as active.
SC: Well something is not right because none of them work.
Me: Ok well give me a moment to get someone from tech support on the line.
(I get a tech rep on and explain the situation)
TS: There's a service interruption in that area code because of the hurricane, It'll be repaired we just don't know when yet.
Me: Ok, thanks. (back to customer). Thank you for holding ma'am, I just spoke to tech and they said there's an outage in your area code because of the hurricane and we are working to get service up as fast as possible but at this point we don't when that'll be.
SC: The hurricane? But the storm isn't even that bad...
Me: Well I suppose it was bad enough to disrupt a few towers.
SC: That sucks! Am I going to get credit for the time I can't use my phones?
Me: Well no, we don't anticipate the outage will last for too long.
SC: So I have no service and yet you won't credit me that? That's a ripoff
Me: We have no control of nature ma'am, I apologize for the inconvenience, but we don't usually credit for an outage unless it lasts several days.
SC: You people are crooks. *click*
Ok, wow. There's a huge storm in your area and your top priority is trying to get a credit on your cellphone service?? Yep, you must've passed that survival class with flying colors. The funny thing is that a day's worth of credit doesn't amount to much. Even if your bill is $100 a month, a single DAY credit would be $3.33 (100/30). The phones were probably back working several hours later so credit for that would be what? 47 cents? She probably would have wanted like $15 as most people seem to when looking for "outage credits"
M = Me
DC/SC = dumb customer/sucky customer
The Calendar Clod
I don't remember what the call was about, but this woman apparently did so poorly in school (if she even ever went to school) that she failed to have memorized the order of the months and demonstrated this masterful skill TWICE on the same call!
First occurence:
Me: Ok and when did you first call in about this issue?
DC: It was the month before August...May! I called in May!
Second occurence:
DC: Let me see, I changed phones in...what month comes after June?
Me: (shaking my head) The month after June is July.
(upon hearing this, an agent near me starts cracking up)
The worst like, call, like, ever!
This woman wasn't so much sucky and just plain ANNOYING. Obviously we cant't see our callers, but this girl I wouldn't doubt was a ditzy blonde, too much money for her own good, and an IQ of somewhere below 50. The Paris Hilton syndrome is spreading...be afraid america...
Here are three gems from little miss genius:
DC: I think I like, signed up for like, service in like May.
DC: They told me like, I would like, get like a credit or like something on my account.
DC: Also I'm like, interested in like, upgrading my like, phone
(Like if you keep talking that way, I'm going to like find a 2X4 and like crack you over the head with, kay?)
Fantasy Island
SC: I went in to a store and asked if I could get service in Haiti and they say no, so I leave my phone at home and go to Haiti for a month. Now I come back and I have huge phone bill, I was not here! I want a credit for one month of my bill!
M: Ok, so you went on a vacation, DID NOT tell us you were leaving and now you want us to credit the month you were gone?
SC: I was gone man, I was not 'ere because you people said ma phone would not work in Haiti.
(this sequence was repeated once again)
M: Ok, I understand. You asked a store rep if you could get service in Haiti and they said no, but you did not tell us you were leaving and that being the case, we didn't know you were gone and the charges are valid. If you had told us before we could have put you on a vacation plan for the month you were away.
SC: Wait, I DID tell the guy I was leaving, I did. (ohhh you're swift, now that you realize what MIGHT have gotten you a break on your bill you start lying to try and get it)
M: You just told me TWICE sir that you did NOT tell us you were leaving and there are no notes on your account indicating as such.
SC: Now wait, I gone into a store on..August 3rd I think to tell 'em I was leaving.
M: Sir there are no notes on your account between July 27th and August 18th, the charges on your account are valid (busted yet AGAIN lying...impressive, but you are not a jedi dumbass yet)
SC: I been with you guys for 7 years! How you gonna treat me this way! Either you credit me, get rid of this bill or I'm going to cancel this phone.
M: Well sir I see you have been with us for several years now but I also see you haven't paid a bill in the last FOUR months and your account has been disconnected over 6 times during your service with us. (it doesn't matter if you've been with us 7 years or 7 months, if you have a bad pay history, you won't get many credits) I'll say it one more time: here will be no credit on these charges.
SC: Fine, I'ma just cancel this account then. I hope you feel bad about losin a good customah!
M: I'll be happy to transfer to you to cancellations, have a wonderful day.
In all the crazy credit requests this one has to be up near the top. Guy goes on vacation, DOES NOT tell us, comes back and wants us to credit his bill? Unreal.
Well actually...
Not sucky, just rather funny. The FCC rules have changed and as of the end of the year, we can't use social security numbers to verify people any longer, but for the time being, we still can though we primarily use passwords. SSN's are used only for accounts with no password set up.
M: Can I get the password or the last 4 of the social?
SC: You are NOT getting the last 4 of my social, password is XXXX
Why is this funny you ask? I had his ENTIRE social security number displaying on my screen at the time, so despite his stern refusal, I actually DID get his last 4 and a whole lot more.
Yes sir, Major dickwad, SIR!
SC: I'm going over my last bill and I see data charges on my line here for 22.57. Those WILL come off the bill! I also see text messaging charges for 2.30 on my wife's line. My wife does not use text messaging, those WILL come off the bill as well!
M: Ok, well let me look into this for a moment.
SC: Look, I don't need you to look into it, I've been over the bill several times, I know where the mistakes are. Every month you people screw up something on my bill and every month I have to call in to get it fixed.
M: Well I am reviewing your account details here and I see seven separate instances of data usage on your line. There was data used.
SC: NO, there was NOT. Listen son, I KNOW what I use and don't use on my phone and I do NOT use internet stuff. I understand you are simply telling me what your system shows, I am telling you that your system is WRONG because I do NOT use that stuff. (Our system is right more often than customers think, the problem is they never remember what they did to cause data charges)
M: Well this indicates that you did sir, at least a couple of megabytes worth. I can't credit back for valid charges.
SC: Valid? Are you deaf or something? I just told you I DO not use that stuff and I also told you that WILL come off the bill. Understand?
M: I understand you are asking if you can get a credit for data overages on your bill--
SC: No son, I was not ASKING for anything, I was TELLING you to credit my account for these errors. YOU GUYS screwed this up.
M: Ok well I can credit back for the text messaging (It was a valid charge, but what the heck it's $2.30 so not a big deal) but as I said the data charges are valid.
SC: Unbelievable. You guys screw this up and then try to tell me I have to pay for something I didn't use? What kind of crooks are you? You know what, if you aren't going to help me either get me someone who can or I'll just cancel this whole account.
M: As I said sir, as much as you may feel otherwise, these are valid charges. I'll transfer you to cancellations.
Ok I don't mind a customer asking me IF I can do something, but calling up and TELLING me I am GOING to do it, that'll put you in my bad books real fast. I am not in the military, nor do I work fast food. I do NOT respond well to orders.
Who cares about a Hurricane? I want my CREDIT!
This call came from Brownsville, TX. I was not aware of Humberto at the time.
(note I conferenced in tech support for this call, indicated by TS)
SC: My phones stopped working a couple of hours ago, I can't make calls on any of them.
Me: Ok well there's no service interruption on your account and all the phones are showing as active.
SC: Well something is not right because none of them work.
Me: Ok well give me a moment to get someone from tech support on the line.
(I get a tech rep on and explain the situation)
TS: There's a service interruption in that area code because of the hurricane, It'll be repaired we just don't know when yet.
Me: Ok, thanks. (back to customer). Thank you for holding ma'am, I just spoke to tech and they said there's an outage in your area code because of the hurricane and we are working to get service up as fast as possible but at this point we don't when that'll be.
SC: The hurricane? But the storm isn't even that bad...
Me: Well I suppose it was bad enough to disrupt a few towers.
SC: That sucks! Am I going to get credit for the time I can't use my phones?
Me: Well no, we don't anticipate the outage will last for too long.
SC: So I have no service and yet you won't credit me that? That's a ripoff
Me: We have no control of nature ma'am, I apologize for the inconvenience, but we don't usually credit for an outage unless it lasts several days.
SC: You people are crooks. *click*
Ok, wow. There's a huge storm in your area and your top priority is trying to get a credit on your cellphone service?? Yep, you must've passed that survival class with flying colors. The funny thing is that a day's worth of credit doesn't amount to much. Even if your bill is $100 a month, a single DAY credit would be $3.33 (100/30). The phones were probably back working several hours later so credit for that would be what? 47 cents? She probably would have wanted like $15 as most people seem to when looking for "outage credits"
hahahaha...<gasp> <pant...pant> hahahahaha
That was an excellent use of Monty Python, and it made me crack. up.
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