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Well, it's been another interesting week of calls in my little corner of telecom hell...
SC = sucky customer/stupid customer
M = Me, resident badass
NOT one of the future leaders of America
M: What can I do for you today?
SC: Yeah I need to cancel this account. I was told it was going to be a free phone, I didn't realize I'd have to pay monthly charges and I can't afford it.
M: Sure I'll get you over to cancellations
Wow, this guy REALLY takes things literally! He obviously at some point set up a calling plan and yet failed to realize there actually would be CHARGES every month? Wow.
Hey man, you got the stuff?
Usually the account notes are pretty lame stuff, but sometimes I see one that's just amusing, here's a paraphrase of one I came across last week:
CUST HAS RECIEVED TONS OF CREDITS BOTH TEMP AND PERMANENT FOR MANY ISSUES BUT KEEPS CALLING AND WANTING MORE. CUST IS A CREDIT JUNKIE!! NO MORE NO MORE!
I guess you really can get addicted to free stuff!
Not just old school, but REALLY old school
After this guy chewed me out over his bill for several minutes, he wanted access his account online. A bit of background here. We recently starting changing some accounts into an updated billing system, as a result, some customers have to reconfirm security info to access their account online, you know for customer PROTECTION. Well not for this guy...
SC: I want to check my bill online while you're working on those changes...
M: sure, I'm just finishing the credit here and --
SC: What the hell is this?
M: what's what?
SC: It's asking me to verfiy a whole bunch of crap to get access, I refuse to do that, how do I get into my account?
M: I don't think you can get into your account without providing that information.
SC: I could before!
M: I understand that, but we changed billing systems and the first time you login after that you are required to authenticate some information.
SC: Well I'm not doing any of this. Look I'm old fashioned, I don't want fancy bells and whistles, I just want to enter a name and password and access my account. Call me a luddite if you will.
M: Ok sir, let me see if someone from tech can help.
(explain situation to tech rep)
Tech: Unfortunately you will have verify your info to gain access, it's an added security feature for customer protection.
SC: I never agreed to any added security, just set my damned account back the way it was, I'm not entering any of this stuff.
Tech: You don't have to enter it sir, but we have no way to access your account otherwise.
SC: Either you find me a way to access it without all this bullshit or I'm cancelling my account!
Me: I'll interject here. Thank you for your help tech. Sorry we couldn't be of more assistance (read: good riddance jackass!) to you sir, I'll get you to cancellations.
Stupidity potentially leading to death
This one ended up as a sup call. She got her phone stolen in July and called to report it. She was looking for a written or e-mailed confirmation of when it was suspended so she could get some expenses back from work since it was a work phone.
As I am working through that she tells me this:
"I knew someone had stolen my phone, but I had a lot of work stuff on there. I called my number and offered to give them money for the phone. We set up a meeting and when we got there...well they had guns and they robbed me and the people I was with."
My first reaction was
My second reaction was
How could you do that lady? If you are THAT stupid you probably deserved what you nearly had coming to you. It's just a freaking cell phone, why risk your LIFE over a cell phone.
then she added: "maybe I made a mistake by doing that" MAYBE??? You made a HUGE MISTAKE lady, a freaking huge mistake!
So anyway my sup told her we have no way to send a report to her about when the phone was suspended (dumb but true) and she gave us this whole sob story about she nearly got killed and there was over $2000 on the line here (odd since the usage on the phone was just over $100) and how we are an evil company. I was so relieved when she hung up let me tell you.
Brandon, wherever you are, I feel sorry for you
I took a call from a woman who was FLAMING MAD, I mean raging mad because a plan setup had been royally screwed up and she had a $700 bill.
SC: You have to fix this!
Me: Ok well me take a look at the bill and see what's going on
SC: You screwed it up, you fix it!
Me: Give me a moment to review here. The number 5344 is showing on a 1000 minute plan with 9pm evenings, and --
SC: SEVEN PM!! It has seven PM evenings. FIX IT!
Me: Who told you 7pm
SC: The guy at the store told me the new phone was to be set up EXACTLY as the old one was.
Me: Ok, I see the new line also has 1000 text messages a month
SC: NOOO! It's UNLIMITED! FIX IT!
Me: Not a problem, now let me-
SC: I'm not paying this damned bill, I'm not
Me; I understand that--
SC: I AM NOT PAYING THIS! You screwed this up! I almost had a heart attack when I saw this bill
Me: Ok so both lines were supposed to be the same, I can take care of that.
SC: EXACTLY THE SAME!! That's what the man at the store told me...what was his name. Brandon, his name was Brandon. I'm going to go back there and if he's there I'm going to mess him up, I'm going to BREAK HIS FACE!
Me: I also see here--
SC: Have you fixed it yet?
Me: Well I am working on--
SC: FIX IT!!!! I am NOT paying this bill!!
Ok lady, give ME TWO FREAKING SECONDS TO TALK WILL YOU?! I know you have a problem, I know you're uspet, I'm not refusing to help you, just let me do my thing. Good grief.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
SC: I have a bill here for $28.68 for the month of August and September. I cancelled in July, I'm not paying this.
M: Well that amount has been the account balance since July 10.
SC: This bill says Aug 10-Sept 9, I CANCELLED in July. I'm not paying this bill.
M: Well yes, but the charges are from a previous month.
SC: Well all I know is I have this bill from you guys that shows charges for last month and I'm not going to pay it! *click*
Wow, way to let me EXPLAIN those VALID charges to you, you dumb bitch. I admit after she hung up, I was so tempted to hit the "bill reprint" button about 12 times to send a dozen reminders her way that she has to pay
However this stupid lady is not worth wasting the paper on.
SC = sucky customer/stupid customer
M = Me, resident badass
NOT one of the future leaders of America
M: What can I do for you today?
SC: Yeah I need to cancel this account. I was told it was going to be a free phone, I didn't realize I'd have to pay monthly charges and I can't afford it.
M: Sure I'll get you over to cancellations
Wow, this guy REALLY takes things literally! He obviously at some point set up a calling plan and yet failed to realize there actually would be CHARGES every month? Wow.
Hey man, you got the stuff?
Usually the account notes are pretty lame stuff, but sometimes I see one that's just amusing, here's a paraphrase of one I came across last week:
CUST HAS RECIEVED TONS OF CREDITS BOTH TEMP AND PERMANENT FOR MANY ISSUES BUT KEEPS CALLING AND WANTING MORE. CUST IS A CREDIT JUNKIE!! NO MORE NO MORE!
I guess you really can get addicted to free stuff!
Not just old school, but REALLY old school
After this guy chewed me out over his bill for several minutes, he wanted access his account online. A bit of background here. We recently starting changing some accounts into an updated billing system, as a result, some customers have to reconfirm security info to access their account online, you know for customer PROTECTION. Well not for this guy...
SC: I want to check my bill online while you're working on those changes...
M: sure, I'm just finishing the credit here and --
SC: What the hell is this?
M: what's what?
SC: It's asking me to verfiy a whole bunch of crap to get access, I refuse to do that, how do I get into my account?
M: I don't think you can get into your account without providing that information.
SC: I could before!
M: I understand that, but we changed billing systems and the first time you login after that you are required to authenticate some information.
SC: Well I'm not doing any of this. Look I'm old fashioned, I don't want fancy bells and whistles, I just want to enter a name and password and access my account. Call me a luddite if you will.
M: Ok sir, let me see if someone from tech can help.
(explain situation to tech rep)
Tech: Unfortunately you will have verify your info to gain access, it's an added security feature for customer protection.
SC: I never agreed to any added security, just set my damned account back the way it was, I'm not entering any of this stuff.
Tech: You don't have to enter it sir, but we have no way to access your account otherwise.
SC: Either you find me a way to access it without all this bullshit or I'm cancelling my account!
Me: I'll interject here. Thank you for your help tech. Sorry we couldn't be of more assistance (read: good riddance jackass!) to you sir, I'll get you to cancellations.
Stupidity potentially leading to death
This one ended up as a sup call. She got her phone stolen in July and called to report it. She was looking for a written or e-mailed confirmation of when it was suspended so she could get some expenses back from work since it was a work phone.
As I am working through that she tells me this:
"I knew someone had stolen my phone, but I had a lot of work stuff on there. I called my number and offered to give them money for the phone. We set up a meeting and when we got there...well they had guns and they robbed me and the people I was with."
My first reaction was
My second reaction was
How could you do that lady? If you are THAT stupid you probably deserved what you nearly had coming to you. It's just a freaking cell phone, why risk your LIFE over a cell phone.
then she added: "maybe I made a mistake by doing that" MAYBE??? You made a HUGE MISTAKE lady, a freaking huge mistake!
So anyway my sup told her we have no way to send a report to her about when the phone was suspended (dumb but true) and she gave us this whole sob story about she nearly got killed and there was over $2000 on the line here (odd since the usage on the phone was just over $100) and how we are an evil company. I was so relieved when she hung up let me tell you.
Brandon, wherever you are, I feel sorry for you
I took a call from a woman who was FLAMING MAD, I mean raging mad because a plan setup had been royally screwed up and she had a $700 bill.
SC: You have to fix this!
Me: Ok well me take a look at the bill and see what's going on
SC: You screwed it up, you fix it!
Me: Give me a moment to review here. The number 5344 is showing on a 1000 minute plan with 9pm evenings, and --
SC: SEVEN PM!! It has seven PM evenings. FIX IT!
Me: Who told you 7pm
SC: The guy at the store told me the new phone was to be set up EXACTLY as the old one was.
Me: Ok, I see the new line also has 1000 text messages a month
SC: NOOO! It's UNLIMITED! FIX IT!
Me: Not a problem, now let me-
SC: I'm not paying this damned bill, I'm not
Me; I understand that--
SC: I AM NOT PAYING THIS! You screwed this up! I almost had a heart attack when I saw this bill
Me: Ok so both lines were supposed to be the same, I can take care of that.
SC: EXACTLY THE SAME!! That's what the man at the store told me...what was his name. Brandon, his name was Brandon. I'm going to go back there and if he's there I'm going to mess him up, I'm going to BREAK HIS FACE!
Me: I also see here--
SC: Have you fixed it yet?
Me: Well I am working on--
SC: FIX IT!!!! I am NOT paying this bill!!
Ok lady, give ME TWO FREAKING SECONDS TO TALK WILL YOU?! I know you have a problem, I know you're uspet, I'm not refusing to help you, just let me do my thing. Good grief.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
SC: I have a bill here for $28.68 for the month of August and September. I cancelled in July, I'm not paying this.
M: Well that amount has been the account balance since July 10.
SC: This bill says Aug 10-Sept 9, I CANCELLED in July. I'm not paying this bill.
M: Well yes, but the charges are from a previous month.
SC: Well all I know is I have this bill from you guys that shows charges for last month and I'm not going to pay it! *click*
Wow, way to let me EXPLAIN those VALID charges to you, you dumb bitch. I admit after she hung up, I was so tempted to hit the "bill reprint" button about 12 times to send a dozen reminders her way that she has to pay
However this stupid lady is not worth wasting the paper on.
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