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Are you all sitting comfortably, children? Good. I'm going to tell you a story.
Once upon a time, a valiant but alienated, hostile, and burnt-out hotel desk clerk visited the bathroom. When he opened the door he was knocked backward by the smell of fossilizing poo, and a quick investigation revealed that someone who used the bathroom earlier, rather than wiping and flushing like a civilized human being, had wiped, and then deposited their soiled wads in the trashcan next to the toilet.
Perhaps they were afraid of the toilet and what it might do to the delicate wad, and I agree that it can be an intimidating device. Perhaps, in their own twisted way, they were doing their part to conserve water during this time of terrible drought. Perhaps they were just stupid because standard operating procedure in a situation like this is to -- and follow me closely here. You might want to take notes -- wipe and flush. Perhaps, and I feel strongly that this was the reason, they feared for the safety of the wad, as though it might suffer if they set it loose into a cold and uncaring world.
Well.
Don't you trouble your pretty little head about that last one. Let me explain. Once you flush, the wad goes on a magical journey beneath the streets of Hendersonville to a fairyland called the sewage treatment plant, where it gets transformed into a magical pretty fairy that is then released into the French Broad River. And from there... well. That's the best part! From there, it tours the nation! From the French Broad River to the Tennessee River, on into the Ohio River! And from there into the Mississippi River! Think of the adventures it might have! It might water a garden in Knoxville, or get mixed in with that dogfood that makes its own gravy in Paducah. Once it hits the Mississippi River, it might even be served as iced tea in New Orleans.
So you see? There's nothing to fear in flushing the wad. It will have more fun than you can ever imagine as it flows toward the sea. Set it free. Let it explore. Just don't, for the love of God, wipe your ass and put that nasty wad in the goddamn trashcan.
Thank you. You may stop sitting comfortably now.
Once upon a time, a valiant but alienated, hostile, and burnt-out hotel desk clerk visited the bathroom. When he opened the door he was knocked backward by the smell of fossilizing poo, and a quick investigation revealed that someone who used the bathroom earlier, rather than wiping and flushing like a civilized human being, had wiped, and then deposited their soiled wads in the trashcan next to the toilet.
Perhaps they were afraid of the toilet and what it might do to the delicate wad, and I agree that it can be an intimidating device. Perhaps, in their own twisted way, they were doing their part to conserve water during this time of terrible drought. Perhaps they were just stupid because standard operating procedure in a situation like this is to -- and follow me closely here. You might want to take notes -- wipe and flush. Perhaps, and I feel strongly that this was the reason, they feared for the safety of the wad, as though it might suffer if they set it loose into a cold and uncaring world.
Well.
Don't you trouble your pretty little head about that last one. Let me explain. Once you flush, the wad goes on a magical journey beneath the streets of Hendersonville to a fairyland called the sewage treatment plant, where it gets transformed into a magical pretty fairy that is then released into the French Broad River. And from there... well. That's the best part! From there, it tours the nation! From the French Broad River to the Tennessee River, on into the Ohio River! And from there into the Mississippi River! Think of the adventures it might have! It might water a garden in Knoxville, or get mixed in with that dogfood that makes its own gravy in Paducah. Once it hits the Mississippi River, it might even be served as iced tea in New Orleans.
So you see? There's nothing to fear in flushing the wad. It will have more fun than you can ever imagine as it flows toward the sea. Set it free. Let it explore. Just don't, for the love of God, wipe your ass and put that nasty wad in the goddamn trashcan.
Thank you. You may stop sitting comfortably now.
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