"Just a secretary"? Lesson one...

[MystyGlyttyr]

Lesson one: Re: Secretaries.

SECRETARIES RULE THE WORLD. Know it. Love it.

On the weekends, I'm usually here by myself. There's one or two reporters on duty, but they are out of the office until about 2:15, 2:30 or so, usually attending some sort of weekend event. When someone needs to speak to one of them, they're usually happy to take the voice mail. Not this jerk.

Me: *answering phone* "Newsroom."
Jerk: "I need to speak to a reporter."
Me: "Well, there's none in at the moment, they'll be in after two," (it was 1:40) "-would you like to leave a voice mail for them?"
Jerk: "No, I want to talk to someone. I can just tell you."
Me: "Uh, sir, I'm not a reporter, I'm a secretary. I can't take stories."
Jerk: *goes mental* "A SECRETARY!! I NEED A REPORTER!! YOU CAN'T HELP ME WITH SHIT!! YOU'RE JUST A SECRETARY?? I NEED A REPORTER!! YOU'RE JUST A SECRETARY!! WHAT CAN YOU DO??"
Me: "........this." *hangs up*

Lesson two: Re: Assmonkies who scream that hard about their "story"

Up here, we call those "Seinfields". Because they are always about NOTHING.

Interestingly enough, he hasn't tried to call back. Maybe he stroked out from such a sudden blast of insanity. Or maybe he realizes that by pissing off the secretary, he has officially shot himself through both feet, both knees, the right hand, and in the liver, and if he ever wants a chance of getting through to someone, he's going to have to sacrifice a few chickens, tithe ten percent, and bloodlet...then wait until after two and try to catch the reporter without going through me.

Seeing as how my phone rings first, though...good luck, buddy.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

YOU'RE JUST A SECRETARY!! WHAT CAN YOU DO??"
Me: "........this." *hangs up*

ye gods Mysty, that was beyond awesome. You rawk.

[Andara Bledin]

Why do these raving assmunches never figure out that the person who answers the phone holds the key to whether or not you get to talk to anyone else?

I used to love stonewalling salespeople and self-important morons who would try to get past me when I answered the phones. Some of them got treated to extended sessions of hold music.

^-.-^

[BookstoreEscapee]

Can I be your fangirl?

[cinema guy]

Me: "........this." *hangs up*

That made me choke on my crumpet!

[fma_fanatic]

Amen sister, amen.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Good one, Mysty.

Now, don't think I've never done that before . . . it's my favorite method of dealing with obnoxious people who call me at home.

One such incident, although years ago, still sticks out. It was a lady calling from Goodwill pertaining to my brother, who was applying for some training.

It was early in the morning, I'd closed the night before and I was snoozing away on the waterbed when the phone rings. I answer it and it's this "lady" practically screaming.

"I WANT TO TALK TO BROTHER."

Oh. No. Way.

"I don't know who you are calling here and yelling at me and waking me up, but you're NOT TALKING TO ANY BODY." I scream back.

"I can talk however I want," she rants and raves.

"Not with that attitude you ain't," I reply and hang up the phone.

Now, I'm steaming mad. My nerves are already on alert and I cannot go back to sleep.

My brother comes in, obviously upset and asked who it was.

"I don't know, but she was yelling she wanted to talk to you. I hung up on her."

He stammers something about she had called and started yelling at him so he'd hung up on her. I tell him that's all he's got to do. He doesn't have to talk to her.

I try to settle back down and the phone rings again. Same bitch. "I wanna talk to BROTHER."

"Did you call earlier and yell at my brother?" I demand to know. "Just who do you think you are?"

"I'm so-and so from Goodwill and I'll talk to whomever I want how I want."

"I told you once NO. Don't call here ever again." I hung up on her again.

Needless to say, when Mom took him in for his appointment (after hearing two earfuls from him and the neighborhood hearing me screaming over this) she ripped that "lady" several new ones, especially after she tried to DENY to my Mom that she'd conducted herself in that manner.

Moral of the story is: Don't try to bully DGoddess . . . or her brother for that matter. Woe is you.

[XCashier]

Jerk: *goes mental* "A SECRETARY!! I NEED A REPORTER!! YOU CAN'T HELP ME WITH SHIT!! YOU'RE JUST A SECRETARY?? I NEED A REPORTER!! YOU'RE JUST A SECRETARY!! WHAT CAN YOU DO??"
Me: "........this." *hangs up*

MG 1, SC 0!

And there is no "just a secretary". Secretaries fill a very vital role. Without a good secretary, a workplace is utter chaos.

And to DGoddess: wow, was that "lady" unprofessional! That is no way to talk to an employee or his family! I hope she got reported to her boss for that behavior!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

And to DGoddess: wow, was that "lady" unprofessional! That is no way to talk to an employee or his family! I hope she got reported to her boss for that behavior!

She was. Believe me, my Mom holds NOTHING back and let the entire office know about that. My brother didn't have to deal with her anymore after that, as he was reassigned to a different caseworker.

Whomever answers the phone holds the cards . . . one can either get a good hand or bad hand, depending on how the caller plays them.

[LizaMarie]

a perfect 10, MG. such grace! such spunk! I love it when people get what they deserve.

[iradney]

I am always, ALWAYS nice to secretaries. They Hold The Key To The Bossman. If I could get away with throwing myself prostrate at their feet when I see them, I probably would.

Plus, a good friend of mine is a PA to the CEO of a company, and she is Damn Good At Her Job. She basically runs his life. I'm sure most secretaries have to do that at some point, and the last thing they need is some anusbrain yelling and screaming at them while they're trying to sort out Bossman's insurance, wedding anniversary present and plane tickets for the Business Trip.

[JustADude]

I am always, ALWAYS nice to secretaries. They Hold The Key To The Bossman.

That reminded me of an oddly apt quote about Agents from The Matrix.

[T]hey are the gatekeepers. They are guarding all the doors, they are holding all the keys...

[Nutjob R/T]

Heh. 'Do you hear that dial tone, Mr. SC? That is the sound of inevitability.'

[Jester]

SECRETARIES RULE THE WORLD. Know it. Love it.

My mom was a secretary for oh, about 40 years or so. And she was damn good at it.

Most of what I know about dealing with businesses or people on the phone or in person I learned from her. Both dealing with the good ones and dealing with the bad ones.

That is why some of my friends will have me call a company they are having problems with, because I can be very professional, businesslike, polite, firm, stubborn, and unbending, all at the same time. And yes, that will get done what I need done the vast majority of the time.

THANKS MOM!

[Becks]

Jerk: *goes mental* "A SECRETARY!! I NEED A REPORTER!! YOU CAN'T HELP ME WITH SHIT!! YOU'RE JUST A SECRETARY?? I NEED A REPORTER!! YOU'RE JUST A SECRETARY!! WHAT CAN YOU DO??"
Me: "........this." *hangs up*

Ahh, Mysty with yet another story to add to her legend...and reasons as to why I have a girl crush on her.