Favorite Customer lines

[Mixed Bag]

"Can this get me into VIP?" *Is holding a Regular Parking pass, and cannot tell the difference.*

I don't know about your lots, but the first time I went to a certain medical building I realized after a few minutes I was in a different complex down the street and was supposed to pay for the privilege of driving around a the wrong lot thanks to poor signage:

Favourite employee line: "Sir, I don't think 50 cents is a big deal." (It wasn't, but I resented the inefficiency.)

My SC line: "Well, if YOU don't think it's a big deal, why not just let me out since you can see from the ticket I haven't been here long enough to have parked?"

I seldom chisel, so it's nice when my SC lines work.

[FastFoodFlunky]

"Make sure the Frosty they give me is chocolate! The last time I came I got vanilla!"

(Note: This was before we introduced the vanilla frosty two weeks ago. Before then, we'd only had chocolate since the first store opened in '69)

[volvodrivincashier]

SC: Do you work here?
Me: No, I just like wearing this Pep Boys uniform for no reason.

SC: Well there's no price on this one but the one just like it right next to this one on the shelf is marked $XX.XX
Me: *strolls with SC over to shelf* Oh, there's less (insert product here) in that container, that's why it's $XX.XX. When there's no price tag on something, I can only go by what it rings up as.
SC: "But this one says..."*interruption*
Me: "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but this container has more of (insert product here) than this one does. I can't give it to you for $XX.XX. I'm sorry if you don't like that, but there's nothing I can do. Do you still want it?"



SC: I'd like to return this please.
Me: Do you have a reciept?
SC: Yes, here it is. *hands over faded, wrinkled and barely-readable reciept*
Me: *looks over faded, wrinkled and barely-readable reciept, sees "07/25/04" as transaction date* *looks at item, recognises as something we stopped carrying 8 months ago, and notices that it is opened and poorly repackaged, not in resellable condition*
Me: I'm sorry, but this item was purchased over two years ago. We only accept returns for 60 days from the original date of purchase. Furthermore, we no longer carry this item, and it's no longer in our system. It's also nowhere near resellable condition. I can talk to my manager to see if you can get a store cred--*interruption*
SC: *In heightened, demanding tone* I don't care that you don't carry it anymore, and it doesn't say on the back of the reciept that you only accept returns for 60 days. I don't want a store credit, I paid cash and I have the reciept. Give me my money back.
Me: *calls manager*
Me: Sir, I'm sorry, the best we can only possibly do for you is a store credit. We no longer carry the item and cannot resell it, so it's pure loss for us - basically as good as theft.
SC: I DON'T CARE! THAT IS BESIDE THE F**KING POINT! I HAVE MY RECIEPT AND I PAID CASH, THIS IS F**KING RIDICULOUS! JUST GIVE ME MY F**KING MONEY BACK!
Me: *now very angry and in a firm, agitated tone* If you're going to scream at me, I WILL NOT help you.
*Manager arrives*
SC: IF YOU DON'T F**KING TAKE THIS BACK AND GIVE ME CASH I'M GOING TO--*interruption*
Manager: *in angered tone* I heard you swearing all the way across the store! We've got young children and now-angry parents in here, some of which are walking out the door. You have 10 seconds to turn around and get out or we are calling the police!
SC: F**K YOU! I'M NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN!
Me: Have a nice life, jerk!

[ArenaBoy]

I don't know about your lots, but the first time I went to a certain medical building I realized after a few minutes I was in a different complex down the street and was supposed to pay for the privilege of driving around a the wrong lot thanks to poor signage:

We have signs that are a diamond shape, bright yellow, and in black lettering so it is very readable. Some signs even have arrows on it but the SCs never seem to understand what the sign is saying.

One more SC line: You should be directing traffic. He doesn't realize that I am just taking passes, not directing traffic.

[tensaineko]

sc: i put 10 tokens in this machine and it didnt work
me: this machine is off
sc: i didnt notice
me: so you put 10 tokens in it right?
sc: yeah
me: this token slot has been jammed full for several weeks now (you could see 2 or three token wedged in it) so, you want to change your story now
sc: uh durr.......(tries to back away looking for her friend for backup) nevermind (bumps into mrs.pacman and scampers off)

the EXACT same thing happened to a co-worker a few hours before (10 tokens, same game)

[Dips]

"But I need it."

Customers always say this after being told that whatever it is they want isn't available or whatever it is they want done isn't possible.

I don't know why they think uttering the words "But I need it" is going to change the unavailable into the available or the impossible into the possible, but they must think so because I hear or read those words every day.

My answer is always a sympathetic "I understand" followed by the exact same explanation I just gave them.

I really wish I could say "Too bad. It's still not happening."

[appliance god]

"I'll never shop here again!" (promises, promises....)

"I'll tell all my friends never to shop here!" (good...2 less SC's to deal with!)

[Mixed Bag]

"But I need it."...My answer is always a sympathetic "I understand" followed by the exact same explanation I just gave them.

It's natural to say this when desperate, and even if it can't be resolved right away, and even if you're not the person who could ever do anything about it, it's not totally irrational--it's a way of conveying to a business that they haven't met someone's dire needs and that they *might* wish to consider in future avoiding whatever caused the problem.

[Jester]

All of these are related to the food service business, but you retail folks should recognize most of them, if not in form, at least in spirit:

ME: "We are out of blah blah blah."
SC: "You don't have any blah blah blah?"
ME: "Nope, none. It was a busy weekend, and everybody wanted blah blah blah...we sold out of it, but should be getting more blah blah blah in on the next shipment."
SC: "What, can't you just go down to the store and get some more blah blahy blah?"

No. We can't. See....we are at WORK! If you want it so bad, YOU go down to the store and get it, nimrod!

SC: "What is taking so long with my blankety blank?"
ME: "Sir, you ordered a well done blankety blank, and they do take some extra time to cook."

SC: "I'd like a bleep."
ME: "Sorry, sir, we don't carry bleep. If you would like, I can get you blip, blop, or bloop, but no bleep."
SC: "Why don't you carry any bleep?"
ME: "I have no idea sir. I don't do the ordering."

I used to ask, "Is there anything else I can get for you?" But after so many SC's answered with "A million dollars," "three hot blondes," and "the winning lottery numbers," I have adjusted my query. Now, I look my guests square in the eye when checking on them and ask, "Folks, is there anything else I can legally or ethically get for you that I would be reasonably expected to be able to provide?" Gets a laugh every time.

Other favorites questions I get that one should not expect someone with my job description to be able to answer:

"What will the weather be like later today?"
"How many calories is in that?"
"How many fat grams are in that?"
"Do you know how many carbs that has?"
"How crazy was it today out at the festival?" Um, I was here, not there.
"Will I like the chowder?"

And of course the classic that we all get, that we know is a load of hooey:

"Why not? They let me do that here all the time!"

No, they don't. And you know that.

[Dips]

It's natural to say this when desperate, and even if it can't be resolved right away, and even if you're not the person who could ever do anything about it, it's not totally irrational--it's a way of conveying to a business that they haven't met someone's dire needs and that they *might* wish to consider in future avoiding whatever caused the problem.

Since 99% of the time the customer caused his own problem by failing to plan ahead or follow directions, the only way to avoid the situation in the future would be to tell the customer to plan ahead and/or learn to read.

Somehow I don't think that would go over well, though.

[Broomjockey]

When I'm told a store is out of something... I ask if they know a place near-by that I can get it at!
Sometimes they know, sometimes they don't. But you'd be surprised at the number of people who are either good actors or genuinely sorry they can't tell me where else I can find something.

[HYHYBT]

Other favorites questions I get that one should not expect someone with my job description to be able to answer:

{snip}
"How many calories is in that?"
"How many fat grams are in that?"
"Do you know how many carbs that has?"

The nutrition brochures get gone all the time, but I keep one hidden just in case of questions like these