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**HALFHUMANHALFZOMBIE** · 10-18-2007, 06:14 AM

lol I worked at a theatre for 3 years and 9 months. The sigh lady doesn't know that movies do get printed at your local newspaper unless where you live they don't have one. the good ol, regulars man I had a lady who complained about something everytime she came in like (are the rugs fumigated, the theatre is too loud) she also comments on my appearance and gets pissy when you close the cinema door on her. That bitch drove me nuts!! Well at movie theatre my Manager was prejudice against employees in their twenties not getting higher paying positions with the employees who are 15 to 19 years of age and was a homosexual ( which is ok) but very unprofessional!

**aurelemsrealm** · 10-18-2007, 06:34 AM

Oh yeah, I think we all have nicknames for customers. Most of my "nickname" customers are unflattering nicknames to sucky customers who I wish would go elsewhere. However, there are a couple of real nice customers I've given nicknames simply because I've never heard their real names in conversation, and have never asked. Most of the good customers I know by name, but there are a few sucky ones I also know by name.

Let's see.....

There are two Santa Clauses. We have one real nice guy who looks like Santa Clause. In fact, he was in the store today. He's a really nice guy, but I only see him occasionally. Honestly, he looks like Santa Clause, except no bowl full of jelly. He's really not that heavy, but he definitely has the white beard, white hair, and fair skin with a ruddy complexion. Usually, all I ever see him get is a coffee refill, but he's just a real nice guy to talk to, so I enjoy his few visits every so often. So, I call this one good Santa.

Then, there's the less nice version of Santa. This is another customer who looks like Santa Clause after being kicked out of the North Pole and living like a homeless wino. Seriously, this guy is okay, but he can be kind of rude and demanding at times. I've exchanged unkind words with him on a few occasions, but most of the time he doesn't say much. His hair is dirty white as is his face, but he otherwise fits the Santa Clause profile. I do feel sorry for him because he uses a cane to help him walk, but he can be a little crabby sometimes. A couple of times, I noticed that body odor scent while he stood at the counter. Hygiene may not be a priority for him. Who knows? So, I call this one evil Santa.

Richard Simmons -- There's this one guy who lives near the store. He wears spandex all the time and has somewhat curly hair. I call him Richard Simmons. He's not the friendliest of customers, but rarely causes me to want to kill him. I did break him of the habit of throwing his trash on the counter rather than throwing it away himself. I put it in his bag and told him I'm not a trash collector. I then politely directed him to the nearest trash can, so he quit doing that. Also, he generally always pays by check. Until recently, that hadn't been a problem. However, his check was recently declined by the Telecheck machine. Now, it asks for his driver's license number, so that tells me that he's bounced a check somewhere, but won't admit it. It doesn't matter to me. However, he didn't like the fact that I wouldn't let him take his bag of sandwiches and drinks after the check was declined by Telecheck. He claimed he paid for it. I informed him that a declined check does not consititute a valid payment. He pleaded that he would be back with cash later. I informed him that his groceries would be waiting for him to retrieve them when he returns with cash to pay for them. The point is that he may be a customer, but I still win because I'm just that stubborn when I decide that I'm going to win. Plus, I pulled his bag of stuff to the back counter, and he'd have to go through me to get it. I'm not a pushover, and my manager thinks it's funny when I put my foot down on someone (and they always deserve it when I decide to put my foot down).

Other than the nice Santa Clause and a couple of others, most of my customer nicknames are nice versions of insults against the customer in question. Most of the good regulars I know by name. I really could careless about learning the names of the sucky customers, but I do know a couple of them by name because they are that famous in our store.

**Flood** · 10-18-2007, 06:59 AM

I work at a small town coffee shop, so we actually know almost all of our regulars' names, but a few have earned nicknames.

Aside from the people that I only really know by what they order (Chicken Caesar Lady once ordered a Club Wrap and blew my mind), we've got:

Puzzle Man

Crazy old homeless guy that stops by and shows off various children's puzzles that he's completed. He's completely harmless and we all feel sorry for him, but nobody wants to be in the room when he stops by because he's only got the one set of clothes and hasn't bathed properly since some time in the early 80's.

The Straight Couple

Two guys who frequently come in and are not dating. Of course not. It's perfectly normal for two straight men to hold hands affectionately. And share a raspberry latte and a scoop of cotton candy ice cream. They're just good friends. And married. Not to each other, obviously, because they're straight. They're just each very married. One of them has a kid. Undeniable proof that he prefers sex with women.

Pastor Dave

Not actually a Pastor, and I don't think his name's really Dave. He comes in and orders a small cup of coffee in the morning and stays until we're getting ready to close at night. Just sipping that one cup and occasionally taking advantage of our Free Refill policy on regular coffee. Sometimes he orders a Scone. He generally sets up camp at one of our tables and takes advantage of our wifi until his laptop battery dies. What makes him creepy is how he likes to drag on any conversation and steer it towards religion. Even when the conversation only started with "Hi, what can I get for you today?"

Not to be confused with
The Reverend or just The Rev

Imagine an aging Hell's Angel. Leather vest. Arms covered in fading tattoos. Bandanna holding back a gray ponytail Gray beard braided down to his chest. Big, tough old guy that doesn't take shit from anyone.

Turns out he runs a church down in Louisiana. He just comes up here every summer or so to visit his grandkids. He'll spend hours telling stories of the 60's and his days as a "Godless Heathen", but unlike Pastor Dave, he won't actually talk religion unless you bring it up. And even then, he doesn't seem like he's trying to preach to you, it's just another topic.

and of course...
The Olivias

Which is really unfair to all the people actually named Olivia (including three of my cousins. My aunts and uncles suck at coming up with names). This is the group of preteen girls that came up with the Olivia Wrap. They're the kind of girl that idolized Paris Hilton but apparently she's soooo six months ago. Or something. I blame osmosis for any brain damage that I may have incurred.

**Sliceanddice** · 10-18-2007, 07:10 AM

Quoth Flood View Post

The Straight Couple

Two guys who frequently come in and are not dating. Of course not. It's perfectly normal for two straight men to hold hands affectionately. And share a raspberry latte and a scoop of cotton candy ice cream. They're just good friends. And married. Not to each other, obviously, because they're straight. They're just each very married. One of them has a kid. Undeniable proof that he prefers sex with women.

.... isnt that an episode of south park (butters dad haveing homosexual affairs)...
Or maybe just Brokeback Mountain....
good god when that finally blows up in their face that kid is going to be screwed...

**AdamAnt316** · 10-18-2007, 08:22 AM

Ahhhh, nicknames... At the store, we have a whole bunch of 'em. Many of them I listed in the now-closed Lotto Lingerers thread, so I'll list 'em again.

The Addict: Buys more scratch tickets in a day than most people are liable to buy in their entire lifetimes. Spending more than $500 in search of that ever-elusive $500 winning ticket is fairly commonplace for this guy. Plows most of his ticket winnings back into buying more tickets, unless it's a $100+ ticket, and he's run up a large debt (as he usually does; why the boss allows this, I still can't fathom). Often buys $100 in tickets in a single run. Tips well when he wins big, though.

The Russian Lady: Has a thick accent of some sort (originally thought she was Russian, but from what I've heard, she's actually Armenian). Originally, her standard ticket order was "Two Ruby Red (Ruby Red 7's ticket, a now-discontinued $5 ticket) and a Poker ($10 Million Hold-'em Poker, a complicated $10 ticket), repeated numerous times. After the Ruby Red 7's ticket was discontinued, this threw her rhythm off, and she had to start playing other tickets (though the appearance of an "Emerald Green 7's" ticket in the exact same format helped

). Has recently been complaining that the new $20 scratch ticket has been sopping up all her ticket money, even though one of her friends supposedly wins on nearly every one of the damn things. Some people have all the luck...

The Scancard Lady: Always comes in with a nice stack of Numbers Game scancards, most of which she has me run through twice apiece, at a cost of anywhere from $0.50 to $7.00 each. Usually runs up a bill of $70-120 per go-round. Always pays via check. Sometimes has me pick out a scratch ticket from the stack, to see if it's a winner; if it is, she usually gives me a percentage of the winnings. Not to be confused with the Scancard Guy, who appears very sporadically, with a smaller stack of scancards meant to be run through anywhere from 10 to 40 times apiece (fortunately, the machine makes it fairly easy to do this automatically, though it still takes up plenty of time and paper, since each is still printed up individually).

The “Where’s The Beef?” Lady: had a voice similar to the character from the classic ‘80s Wendy’s ad, and was just about as annoying (even more so if in a whiny mood). Walked very slowly; had a cane, which rarely seemed to touch the ground most of the time (she often left it hanging off the edge of the counter, which lead to it falling to the ground). Had dentures, which could often be heard shuffling around in her mouth as she talks. Was rather deaf, which meant that I had to constantly repeat the amount of money (if any) she won on her scratch tickets, or resort to visual signals. Bought mostly $2 and $1 tickets; more often than not, rather than using the number system we have our ticket slots labeled with, she’d just ask for “a number 2”, while pointing in the general direction of the ticket she wanted. More often than not, at the end of a ticket run, she’d announce to me “This is it. I’m done,” yet she'd usually end up getting more tickets anyway. Usually talked about how broke she is, and how cranky her husband must be getting, as he waited in the car for her to finish her run (he must have had infinite patience, since he usually looked fairly content out there, and seemed like a nice guy on the rare occasions when he entered the store). I haven't seen her in well over a year, so she might've passed on, or decided to stay in Florida year-'round.

Speedy: Tends to show up just as I'm starting work on my closing duties. Buys a couple of the above-mentioned Poker tickets, along with one or two random $5s (preferably those which haven't won in awhile, or whose sequence number seems to sound good to her). Always goes back out to her car with them, and always manages to return in under five minutes, having scratched off only enough of the ticket to see if the three letter code underneath the latex indicates a winner or not. This goes on for several minutes, delaying my attempts to get ready to close the store since the micro-gaps between her ticket runs isn't enough to get much work done. Doesn't have the best disposition, either.

Now, the non-LLs:

Cowboy Joe: Older gentleman. Always comes in wearing a cowboy hat, hence the nickname, I think. Drives a late model Cadillac Eldorado; all it needs are a set of bullhorns on the front of the hood.

A very nice guy; unfortunately, he's been having health problems as of late.

Jake The Snake: Another older gentleman. Rather gruff, but otherwise a cool guy. Not exactly sure how he got the nickname, but it still seemed to fit somehow. Unfortunately, he died last year.

El Stinko: Foreign-born guy. Works on a farm, and it shows, or should I say, smells. Reeks up the place within seconds of entering. Fortunately, I think I've somehow become immune to his stench, even though I'm not sure if that'd be possible with him...

That's it for now. If I think of any more, I'll post 'em.
-Adam

**~~edible_hat~~** · 10-18-2007, 09:45 AM

The sucky:

The Dodgy Sisters - Two women who share a car. Once a week they get $10 of fuel and find that neither one's debit card has enough money. So they leave their purses (containing said debit cards and all their other ID) as security, and come back with $10 cash 8 hours later.

Nazi Biker - A biker who has a lot of swastikas and nazi medals on his jacket. Never speaks, prefering to throw exact change onto the counter and wait in silence while you count it.

Vomit Girl - Always wants help pumping fuel because "the smell makes me vomit". But when there's only one worker on site, she manages just fine.

The non-sucky:

Hot Rod Guy - a guy who drives a bright red, souped up Model A Ford.

Mr Half-And-Half - always buys $25 of fuel, pays with a $50 note, and says "Half for you, half for me."

**Chained to the counter** · 10-18-2007, 10:03 AM

I only know of two

Tex: A very tall guy with bleached blonde hair who always wears a massive cowboy hat. If you catch his eye you will be drawn into a very deep discussion about how he hates the government and how they are out to screw him.

Crazy Irish Guy and His Drugs: This guy will crap on about how much weed he has smoked that day and how much he has growing in his backyard, often getting int arguments on how it shouldn't be illegal.

**Custard Chick** · 10-18-2007, 04:48 PM

Ahh the regulars. Our regulars are normally named by what they get:

Double Scoop Dave - A mid-40s balding gentleman who winks a bit too much but is really a nice guy. Always, always, always get a double scoop cone.

No-mix Concrete Neil - This guys at least 6'5" and built, always comes up after his softball games and gets a jumbo concrete unmixed (think a DQ Blizzard or McD's McFlurry, with the topping in the center of the cup). Real nice guy.

Child Sized Turtle Couple - An older married couple who normally come mid-afternoon. I have never spoke to the husband once, he always sits at the same picnic table and his wife comes up and always, always, always orders a child sized turtle sundae in a regular sized dish and some kind of single scoop cone. And they always pay with exact change.

Flustered Old Man - An older gentleman who comes up and always gets so flustered when he orders. His wife sits in the car as he runs back and forth to relay the custard flavors for her. I have never seen this woman get out of that car. Me thinks she's of the entitlement type. He's a nice old guy, just gets flustered reeeaaaally easily.

"Make It A Good One" Lady - An elderly woman, probably in her 80's, who would taste at least three different flavors every time before ordering, then always pointed and said, "And make it a good one!"

**Lace Neil Singer** · 10-18-2007, 07:41 PM

Don't have many at the supermarket, but there's a couple of regulars.

Spiderwoman. Very cool woman, she sued our rival supermarket for squillions after she found a poisonous spider in her shopping. She's great to talk to, and doesn't mind her nickname at all.

Breadman. Since I changed my Wednesday shift hours, I don't see Breadman any more, which is no loss, believe me. He always comes in at 5 minutes to closing time, to fill a trolley with bread. He takes forever to dawdle round the store, which is stupid cuz all he has to do is walk to the bakery and fill his trolley. He also packs at a snail's pace, and refuses all help. So, if you're stuck with him, you are going to be late leaving. -.-

Reduction Man. Another customer I don't see any more, cuz of the change in hours. Comes in around 9:30pm to buy loads of reduced items. Unlike Breadman, Reduction Man is very quick going round the store and never takes longer than he has to. Always smiles.

From the garden centre, there were more:

The Cat Lady. Came in about twice a week to stock up on cat food, cat treats, cat toys, everything cat. She always had cat hair on her clothes, but was seriously cool cuz if another customer was giving me grief, she'd always barge in and tell them off. XD Plus, she was great to talk to, and always knew when to stop; ie, when another customer came up, she'd wind up and go.

The Bird Man. Obsessive man who talked about his birdies as if they were human. He also never said hello to me once, but always greeted the birds for sale, and always said hi to the parrot. -.-

**BookstoreEscapee** · 10-18-2007, 08:15 PM

Store1 had a Santa Claus. He was cool, the kind of guy who'd come in in the middle of winter wearing shorts and a flannel shirt. He was mostly bald with the white beard (and the bowl full of jelly) and was in once on Christmas Eve in a Santa hat. Clearly the kind of guy who embraces his Santa-ness and gets a kick out of the little kids who see him and get all wide-eyed.

Store1 also had Elvis, because, well, he's an Elvis impersonator. I've seen him in a couple different costumes and also in normal clothes, but the hair is real. I actually saw him in Sears a few weeks ago sitting on the couch watching one of the display TVs. Seemed like a nice enough guy, but I've never actually talked to him.

Store2 has Mullet Man. He's since shaved his head but the name still sticks. He's a jerk who is partial to too-tight shiny t-shirts and clearly thinks he's hawt. (He's nawt.)

One of my regulars at Store1 was The Star Ledger Guy (after a local newspaper of that name; this was before we had to actually scan the barcode on the paper; we used to just have a button on the register; now he can't do this anymore): Probably early/mid 40s, almost always dressed in a shirt and tie, obviously on his way to work. If he got there after we opened, he would come in, pick up a paper, hand me 35 cents (or leave it on the counter if I was with a customer), go next door to get coffee and leave through Starbucks. If he got there before opening he would get his coffee first, and then when we opened the gate, he'd come by the register, hand me 35 cents, go get his paper (newspapers are on the other side of the door) and leave through the front door. He is the only person I would ever let get away with this. One day he came in in jeans, got his coffee, and bought a book. I said "No paper today?" and he said "No work today!"

I guess when it's his day off, it's his day off. (Always a good philosophy.)

There is also a guy, who I've seen in both stores, who now that I think about it does resemble Richard Simmons (we know him by name, though). He's always wearing black bike shorts, no matter what the weather, and has very curly hair. Not in as good shape as Mr. Simmons; really, he should seek out some relaxed fit jeans or something. He's a nice guy, though, and a great customer; though he's often the last person out of the store at night, he's been known to put the music department over plan for the day so we would overlook it.

**AriRashkae** · 10-18-2007, 08:40 PM

Back at the local gas station chain, we had "Chuck Norris." He looked exactly like Chuck Norris (maybe a little shorter), and would come in regularly. He was one of those regulars who would hang out and chat if it was slow, an all around nice guy.

Apparently he liked coming to our store because, except for a raised eyebrow or 2 the first time a new hire saw him, none of us went fangirl/boy over him.

**Boozy** · 10-18-2007, 09:01 PM

The Wizards - Two little old ladies who wore matching purple robe-like coats, and one had a pointy hat (for some reason).

Tippy McNevertips - Self-explanatory.

**ArenaBoy** · 10-19-2007, 01:12 AM

Expensive Dinner Man: Guy who wanted to bet an expensive dinner with me over a policy. Caused me a lot of trouble and got me in trouble with my dept. head.

**Nayeli_Sabia** · 10-19-2007, 01:26 AM

Only one.

Larry the Pervert His name was Larry, and he was a PERVERT. He'd hit on the underage girl.... he'd also hit any woman, but he'd move heaven and earth to get one of the younger women to help him. This is a photo studio... he thought he was some great pro photographer(if that's the case, why did he have to drive the soda delivery truck?).

His photos where always taken at the most suggestive angle possible. His "signature" photo is off all the bridesmaids leaning well over. EVERY wedding, every girl's senior picture set, had at least one of these pictures. I mean seriously, does the bride want to see her bridesmaid's navels through their cleavage? Very few pictures of men. It was just... you felt slightly nauseous after printing his pictures. Nothing illegal, but just... pervy. And he wanted special treatment, free touch-ups, line cutting, etc. He had a business account, which he frequently defaulted. I think they should have stopped serving him. Anyways........ I'll shut up now.

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