I give superb directions. Very specific and to the point. If people would just FOLLOW them, they'd be fine. Problem is, I grew up in an area where most roads didn't have names. Route 1 is "the main road", all other roads "back roads" or "side roads." So naturally I give directions by landmarks and such.
This should still be relatively simple, like "Turn left out of the parking lot, go 5.5 miles until you see a big grey boulder on your left that has 'eat shit' sprayed on it, and take the immediate left after that."
This is what the conversation usually turns into:
"Hey, can you tell me how to get to Route 9?"
"Yep, ya headed to Portland?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, what you do is turn left out of the store and -"
"Is that Route 9?"
"Er, no...so turn left out of the store, go 4 tenths of a mile until you see a Mobile Station on your left, and take the right across the street from it, and -"
"Is that Route 9?"
"Err...no...so you get on that road, go straight until you see a sign that says -"
"Route 9?"
"NO. A sign that says 'Route 192', and take that road -"
"Is that Route 9?"
"Errr...Yes, yes it is. That is route 9. You stay on that road forever and it will take you straight into portland. Have a safe trip sir."
<having just sent him into the barren wasteland of extreme northern canada>
This should still be relatively simple, like "Turn left out of the parking lot, go 5.5 miles until you see a big grey boulder on your left that has 'eat shit' sprayed on it, and take the immediate left after that."
This is what the conversation usually turns into:
"Hey, can you tell me how to get to Route 9?"
"Yep, ya headed to Portland?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, what you do is turn left out of the store and -"
"Is that Route 9?"
"Er, no...so turn left out of the store, go 4 tenths of a mile until you see a Mobile Station on your left, and take the right across the street from it, and -"
"Is that Route 9?"
"Err...no...so you get on that road, go straight until you see a sign that says -"
"Route 9?"
"NO. A sign that says 'Route 192', and take that road -"
"Is that Route 9?"
"Errr...Yes, yes it is. That is route 9. You stay on that road forever and it will take you straight into portland. Have a safe trip sir."
<having just sent him into the barren wasteland of extreme northern canada>
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