Canadian Bankers and drunken GIs

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Drunken GI: I'd likkkke to put minutesh on ma card pleasshee...

Me: Okay, sir. I go thru the transaction. He's polite, just drunk. Your total is $75 and your confirmation number is lima, delta, 745---

DGI: I DON'T NEED NO F$%^%^^ CONFIRMATION NUMBER!

Me: Do NOT cuss on my line sir!

DGI: ...

Me: ...

DGI: okeee.

Me: All right, order number LD 74547454 is done. Thank you for calling UTalk2Much phone cards and have a great day.

DGI: Thank yeer. *As he hangs up the phone* uppiddeee bitch.

Me:
---------------------------------------------------------------

Canadian banker: I can't believe you're putting me through this! I am a Canadian citizen! I am a retired banker, lady! I know how this is supposed to work! You have NO RIGHT to put me through this! I am on a boat right now and I need to make calls! What do you mean you're gonna call my bank?!

Me: Sir, I need to complete a security verification before I can process your order. We do it for every card that goes through our system. I need to verify that it is you placing the order, and not someone who has gotten hold of your wallet.

CB: I am a retired banker! Nobody's gotten my card, I keep it in my wallet! What is wrong with you! This is terrible! I'm just going to have to go to another phone company, because this is just unbelieveable!

Me: All right, sir, would you like me to cancel your order, then?

CB: WHAT?! How dare you say that to me! What is your problem, lady? Does Bugaboo cell phones know you are harassing their customers like this?! I am a retired banker! Why would I want to cancel my order?!

Me: Well, sir, you mentioned going to another provider. That is your right, of course. If you don't plan on using this phone any more, then would you like me to cancel your order?

CB: This is terrible customer service! Who taught you to speak to me like that?!

ME: This is not customer service, this is the security department. Gawd I love saying that... I cannot process this order until you complete a security verification, sir.

CB: ...

Me: ...

CB: ...What button did I push that put me in the security department?

Me: You didn't push a wrong button, sir, we do this for every credit card that goes through our system. Now, would you like to complete the verification, or not?

CB: GODDAMMIT I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN AND I NEED TO MAKE A CALL!

Me: I'm sorry, sir, but I need to complete this procedure before you can have your minutes.

CB: Well doesn't that just beat everything! I am a retired banker and I have never heard of ANYTHING like this! You---You---

Me: Yes?

CB: SCREW YOU!!! *click*

Boy what a winning boss he must have been.



Afterward I realized people were looking at me. I said "I just got yelled at by a Canadian banker!" And everybody laughed.

[mirth]

Brilliant.

At the phone service where I "volunteer" *coughoffthebookscough* we have similar problems. We do emergency medical answering service, and I usually work on the weekends which means no one's office is open. I have to wade through the tripe that entitlement whores lay on me. They either want 1)pain killers or 2)whiny, non-emergency attention.

I love saying, "What you are asking me to do is [B]illegal[B]. What's your name and phone number?" Most people hang up. Everyone else gets all meek and says, "It can wait till Monday."

[Boozy]

Here's what he wanted to hear:

"Oh my, I am terribly sorry sir. I didn't realize that you were a Canadian Banker. Canadian Bankers, like His Holiness the Pope and the President of the United States, don't have to deal with these petty little details. That's for the little people. I will now allow you to get on with your day, as I can't wait to call all my friends and loved ones to tell them that I just spoke to a real live Canadian Banker."

[Fawn]

I live in Canada. All the bankers I've met so far are really nice and kiss your ass.
He's an evil banker! Must kill him to set the Canadian Banker Status back to positive again.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Ah, but Fawn, he was a retired Canadian banker.

Apparently there's a biiiiig difference.