Computer lab fun

[Captain Kidd]

Hmm this got kinda long, sorry.

Ahh the life of a computer lab assistant.

I mentioned these on another thread, but I'll rehash here and add some more.

Signs, I'm starting to wonder if there's any reason to waste the paper to print them as people just don't seem to pay attention.

The stapler is located on a table under a big sign that says "Stapler here", yet 3-4 times an hour (on a slow day) I get to point it out.

We have some Linux and Mac machines. On each of them is a note along the top of the monitor that say, "you must have a Linux account to use these computers." Not that that note helps. About 1 in 5 then get mad at me because they can't log in.

"Are you the lab assistant?" Err, well, I better be since there's a 'Lab Assistant' sign above my head.

Then there's the line printer ... It's the bane of 99% of the freshmen (and a lot of the sophomores and juniors). Now, in their defense, we've determined that the latest generation ( I feel old) probably has never seen a line printer in their life. (And for those here that haven't either; it's a printer that uses a continuous ream of perforated paper. When your print job is done, you simply rip off you pages.) Therefore, we have that thing wallpapered with instructions. Do they read it? Nooo. I'm probably going to be a Graduate Assistant soon and if I get a Computer Science I lab to run, their grade is going to include knowing how to work the printer.

Due to bad a HVAC system, our server room door is open to help circulate air. (Server rooms get hot! An overheated server is not something you want on your hands.) The "keep out" sign doesn't seem to apply to most students. (It's a tight space with cables everywhere and a simple bump in the wrong spot could make our system admin have a very bad day.)

Then there's the computer help. Oye. If your program doesn't compile, here's a hint: read the compiler errors! We use a friendly compiler that tells you the line, very likely what the problem is, and, on occasion, suggests what you might need to change. And no, I'm not doing your assignment for you. Yes, my job duty says I'm to help, but only to a minor degree, as in obvious errors (missing semicolons for example, we're using C++). You were given it to learn programming. If I do it for you, you're not going to learn anything. And I'd get into trouble, maybe lose my job, maybe even kick out of college due to "bad ethics". If you can't figure out the problem, I'm not putting my neck out on the line for you.

Seriously, as I mentioned in my introduction thread, computers seem to do something to people. Take an intelligent person, sit them down at a computer, and a percent of them will become drooling idiots. This one girl was given an assignment to solve a simple math problem via writing a program. One glance at the screen and I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere good. I finally just stopped her (almost by physically taking the keyboard from her) and asked her to write out the equation to solve the problem.
Her: Well, make an integer variable ...
Me: No, no, write out the math equation
Her: Um, x asterisk ...
Me: Noooo.... the equation
Her: Uh. *looks at the monitor*
Me: *gently* No, forget that you're at a computer. If you had to solve this by hand, using a pencil and paper, how would you write out the equation?
Her: *looks at the monitor again* Uhhh. in the main function make a variable ... ?
Me: *deep breath* No, just do it by hand
Her: *looking at the monitor yet again* type in ... ?

This went on for awhile before I finally suggested she might need to talk to her professor for help as I'm not sure what her assignment needed her to do. OK, it was a white lie ... OK a bald face lie as I had the program figured out almost immediately, but this conversation was going nowhere. She couldn't have been that dumb, as the other books she had were pretty advanced subjects. It was a simple math equation too, multiplication of two values and the addition of a third.
x = a * b + c or something similar. Something she could have done in seconds had she not had to have done it via a program. but she got into a "write a program" box , didn't exactly know what to do, and just couldn't get out of it.


The nice thing is, we computer science types are known to be a rude bunch, so we do have some leeway on the sarcastic responses. I'm too nice to be too rude, but as the semester draws to an end, I'm finding myself getting short, especially with the $%&$! stapler.

[Geek King]

I was in your place once, in the general use labs. We had everyone from students wanting to just check e-mail (which was mostly campus mail, the internet was just catching on), to the programmers like myself. It was a mixed lab of Mac and PC, so that added fun to the mix also.

Our programming degree required the equivalent of a Math minor, and had to include a Statistics course and advanced Trigonometry. Probably for the reason you show in your story.

Feel free to share more. Lord knows the labs breed enough stories to share.

[IT Grunt]

Then there's the computer help. Oye. If your program doesn't compile, here's a hint: read the compiler errors! We use a friendly compiler that tells you the line, very likely what the problem is, and, on occasion, suggests what you might need to change. And no, I'm not doing your assignment for you. Yes, my job duty says I'm to help, but only to a minor degree, as in obvious errors (missing semicolons for example, we're using C++). You were given it to learn programming. If I do it for you, you're not going to learn anything. And I'd get into trouble, maybe lose my job, maybe even kick out of college due to "bad ethics". If you can't figure out the problem, I'm not putting my neck out on the line for you.

Oy.. been there, done that. I worked the labs at school for four years, I saw everything you have listed here. This item, though, was the worst. We were given strict instructions that we were there to fix problems with the PCs ONLY. We were not to give any homework help. There were a few who were tricky and tried to make it look like the PC was having a problem, but the majority were obvious. When your text book is spread out beside you, the problem is exacty what's on your screen... Gee.. that's a tough one.

We had an old line printer as well. That thing was a bear. They used such crappy paper in it, you could not get it out without tearing it unless you were extremely careful. Thankfully, the only system that could print to it was the VAX. All the PCs printed to a Laserjet 3si. (Which was a bear all of its own, given the abuse that thing took. There was a sign that quite clearly stated that ONLY the lab assistants were to change the paper in the printer. Of course, when do users read?)

[MaverickGypsy]

Seeing that they are in fact customers of a sort, it might have been better to put
FREE stapler and then bolt it to the desk.

[protege]

Ah, computer labs. College labs are fun, aren't they?

I could go on, about the girl who climbed the fire escape because the main door was locked from the outside, and her boyfriend was in the lab working on a project, and she wanted to be with him...

...or the Russian exchange student who not only got kicked out of college...but deported as well when he brought his computer in for repairs. Said computer was *loaded* with kiddie porn and other nasty stuff.

...or the older woman we called "Dot Matrix," because she was constantly asking how to print things, or managing to jam up the printers.

...or the girl who offered um, "favors" if I'd write her paper for her. Keep in mind that my then-gf was sitting right next to me at the time...

[Sylvia727]

Due to bad a HVAC system, our server room door is open to help circulate air. (Server rooms get hot! An overheated server is not something you want on your hands.) The "keep out" sign doesn't seem to apply to most students. (It's a tight space with cables everywhere and a simple bump in the wrong spot could make our system admin have a very bad day.)

In high school, I hung around the computer department a lot. I don't know much about them but I was eagar to learn, so the teachers would give me assignments from their upper classes after school let out. Long and short of it, I overheard much of the drama, like the time a student got onto the school's...uh, whatever the technical word is for 'classified', y'know, the stuff only the sys admin should have access to. He told the vice principal instead of the computer department, and she thought he was threatening to infect the system with a virus (he said he could, meaning a security flaw would let him) and suspended him. The computer department got him unsuspended and spent the next six weeks bitching about the dumbass vp.

Anyway, we had a similiar set up with our auxilary server (I assume that's what it was but don't ask me). The computer office could only be reached by going through a computer classroom, and the closet with the server could only be reached through the office. Nevertheless, they caught kids making out in there all the time. I was there when they gave the new teacher a tour of the facilities, and bitched about the problem with the server closet. He asked a few questions, and they went on with the tour.

The next day I came in, and the new teacher had hung a sign above the door: "You break it, you bought it. It costs $10,000." Cut the traffic in half, and those that did come in were a lot more careful

[MadRocketScientist]

My favorite from when I ran the labs was the guy, who was not even a student, who came into the general lab and pestered users until someone took pity on him and logged him into the PC with the scanner. He then proceeded to scan photos of a woman he was stalking on to the PC, some of them were photos of the woman as she got dressed.

His failure came when he tried to upload the photos to his website and found out that the PC had no internet access. The lab consultants were already leary of the guy and when he asked for help getting on the internet, they saw the pics and called me at home. I told them to call the police and I would be in ASAP.

I had him charged with Trespassing and I guess he got in trouble for the stalking as well. Never saw him again.

Another user was an ex-student who would use the lab all the time to surf the web and play games (he had a friend who let him use his ID number to login). He had been doing it for a long time until one day I came in to check on the lab. It was very busy and there was a line of students waiting to use the PCs, so I swept the lab looking for folks who were wasting time playing games or checking sports scores*. I caught him playing online pool and asked him to leave. He actually logged off and got up to leave, which aroused my suspicions (users ALWAYS argued with me or bitched about being asked to leave). I asked to see his student ID and the one he showed me was real old and no longer valid. I told him the next time he was found in the lab without a valid ID**, I was going to call the police right away and have him arrested. Never saw him again either.

*I know it was sucky, and normally I did not mind it if users just goofed around, but when there is a line out the door and people are trying to check email or print things for their next class, it is hardly fair to them that someone is wasting resources goofing off. I was always polite and asked them to log off and leave, which always got me an earful.

**I had 60 computers for 1600 users, I really could not afford to have persons who had paid no tuition using the PCs. Also, users who gave out their IDs or logins usually found themselves without lab privileges.

[IT Grunt]

*I know it was sucky, and normally I did not mind it if users just goofed around, but when there is a line out the door and people are trying to check email or print things for their next class, it is hardly fair to them that someone is wasting resources goofing off. I was always polite and asked them to log off and leave, which always got me an earful.

That was our general policy in our lab. Unused computers were just that, unused, and if someone wanted to play around, it wasn't a problem. However, if someone was using a PC for non-work and someone needed it for school work, then they had to give it up. I had the same deal, people would bitch up a storm because they had to log off their precious chat room.

[Captain Kidd]

What is is with people and not pushing chairs in? Has teaching manners at home gotten to the point that it's now OK to not push your chair in? Oh, I'm sorry, that's the school's responsibility, not parents, so teachers are obviously to blame.

Seriously, these chairs rooooll, and quite easily too. They're not heavy. They're not electric and won't give you a shock (yet). So, why do 9 out of 10 students not push them in when they're done? Man, at times I feel like a maid more than a technical assistant.

Hmm, I think I'm telepathic; as I typed this, one guy got up and started walking to the door. He stopped, turned around, went back to his chair, and pushed it in.

[Sliceanddice]

you know i didnt see a none line printer until iwas 12? your freshemn are just idiots.

[gunsage]

Heh...I used to have a line printer (dot matrix, right?) on my old 286. That brings back memories. 5 1/4 disks, programming in Basic, etc. Anyway, I was a teacher's assistant for my high school computer teacher...well, for one of them...the cool one. Unfortunately, I was removed via the principal from there. For starters, they claimed I was supposed to have some sort of workbook...hey, too bad nobody told me.

Further, the kids there were retarded. Granted, this was a country school full of kids that knew next to nothing about computers, but come on.

Stupid Kid: "Uh...where's the 1 key?"
Me: *Points* "Right there."
SK: "Uh, okay..." (Minutes later) "Where's the 2 key?"
Me:

Needless to say, I knew they were dicking with me, so eventually I ignored the lot of them. Then one day, a RIDICULOUS announcement was made in first period that was a terrible advertisment for some sort of sport booster event or something that went along the lines of...

"Why does Basketball Player X get all the women? Well, probably because he bought his Product Y. Be like BPX, get the women, buy the Y."

Two things...one, yes, that was a VERY disgustingly crappy commercial. Two, I didn't like this kid anyway. He was a dick. What did I do? Vent. I wrote the following:

"Why does BPX get all the men? Probably because he's gay. Very gay. A stack of strawberry pancakes gay. He probably acts like a pimp to cover this up, but we all know the act. Buy the Y, don't be like BPX."

No I'm not homophobic or whatever, but there it is. Anyway, for whatever reason, I didn't delete it, I saved it, but changed the text to Japanese first. Yeah...THAT'S unbreakable. I get back from driver's ed and kids are running by me laughing posting copies of it on lockers (this kid was not well liked and was uber preppy to boot).

I've also been there when it comes to being a programming student as well and let me tell you, even though you guys aren't supposed to "help" us, your hints were good enough for me! Just letting you know that you're very much appreciated.

[mattm04]

What is is with people and not pushing chairs in? Has teaching manners at home gotten to the point that it's now OK to not push your chair in? Oh, I'm sorry, that's the school's responsibility, not parents, so teachers are obviously to blame.

Seriously, these chairs rooooll, and quite easily too. They're not heavy. They're not electric and won't give you a shock (yet). So, why do 9 out of 10 students not push them in when they're done? Man, at times I feel like a maid more than a technical assistant.

Hmm, I think I'm telepathic; as I typed this, one guy got up and started walking to the door. He stopped, turned around, went back to his chair, and pushed it in.

Thus bugs me too. I;m not even a lab tech. I will be sitting at a PC doing my school work, when the person next to me will just get up, send the chair flying back and leave. If it is in reach i will always pull it back in. The lab tech are always pissed that tye have to go around pushing chairs in, discarding beverages hidden under the desks, etc.

[Captain Kidd]

I've also been there when it comes to being a programming student as well and let me tell you, even though you guys aren't supposed to "help" us, your hints were good enough for me! Just letting you know that you're very much appreciated.

Hey, you guys are cool and are easy to spot (e.g. intelligent, to the point, questions), it's the others that bother me. I had another today that did a half-arse job of indenting. Fortunately her only problem was fat-fingering a function call. And she tries too so she gets bonus points and more happily-given help too.

[HawaiianShirts]

Signs, I'm starting to wonder if there's any reason to waste the paper to print them as people just don't seem to pay attention.

The stapler is located on a table under a big sign that says "Stapler here", yet 3-4 times an hour (on a slow day) I get to point it out.

We have some Linux and Mac machines. On each of them is a note along the top of the monitor that say, "you must have a Linux account to use these computers." Not that that note helps. About 1 in 5 then get mad at me because they can't log in.

"Are you the lab assistant?" Err, well, I better be since there's a 'Lab Assistant' sign above my head.

I don't work in a lab, but I did work in a testing center that was right next door to a lab. I got to experience a little of that stupidity.

We had people wander into the testing center and sit down at one of the computers there (for the few professors who submitted computer tests and didn't make them available online), thinking that they were regular-use computers. We would try to stop them. If they were taking a test, we had to check them in, so anyone going directly to the computers would have trouble anyway. Eventually, we just let them figure the problem out for themselves. When they'd wander up to the desk and ask why they can't get into MS Word or on the internet, we'd get to laugh at them and send them next door. That only happened the first month of the semester, though, with the people who had never been to that particular lab or testing center before.

All year long we had the opposite. People would go into the lab, walk up to the lab assistant, and tell him they needed to take a test. And often, when he directed them to us next door, they'd protest!
LA: You need to go to the testing center then. It's right through that doorway.
Student: But I need to take a test!
LA: Yeah. Go to the testing center.
Student: But don't I take tests here?
LA: No, this is the computer lab. You want the testing center. Over there.
Student: That's stupid.
So the lead lab assistant put up a big sign right in front of his desk that says: "This is the COMPUTER LAB. This is NOT the testing center. You CANNOT take tests here. This is the COMPUTER LAB." It doesn't work. He still gets people asking to take tests. Only now, he doesn't even grace the idiot with an answer. He just points at the sign, more emphatically each time they protest, until they finally get it and leave.

And then there are the morons who try to download porn on the lab computers. On our campus, that is a big no-no. Students caught doing it are escorted off campus by armed security guys and have their computer account suspended. There are signs on the wall informing everyone of this as school policy. Yet every few weeks, someone on a PUBLIC computer, making ZERO attempt to hide their screens from their peers, will decide to indulge and get kicked out.

Surprisingly, we don't have many printer problems, though. Except for that first week or two when the freshmen are getting used to the set-up.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I was never a lab assistant, but I spent enough times in there during college to know what you're all talking about.

One of the things that would piss me off to no end is people who would waste paper mercilessly and tie up the printers while I was waiting for a print of my current assignment. Most students it seemed would run a draft of say a 20 page project, then catch a few errors on several of the pages. So then they'd correct the errors and print the ENTIRE PROJECT over again just get those three corrected pages. Or they'd need small section of a large webpage and rather than cutting and pasting, they'd print off the whole page, which sometimes took a lot of printer pages to cover. This often happened multiple times involving the same students.

The first year I was at college the printer paper was readily available, but I guess too many people were stealing it that every year after it was kept in a locked cabinet below the printers so if a printer ran out, you needed a lab assistant to refill it.

Also, there was never a day that went by that someone didn't pester the lab assistants for pencils, pens, staplers, scissors, floppy disks, CD-Rs, project folders and anything else they needed to get their precious project in on time.

And oh god, the people who would tie up the computers playing games and e-mailing and myspace, etc. When I use a computer in a college lab the usual intent is to be PRODUCTIVE.