A-hole husband is trying to steal dying wife’s money

[Ghel]

As it says in the title. We have an older couple who’ve been customers for decades. She’s had several strokes and now she’s dying from cancer. She’s in hospice.

For more than a month, her husband has been trying to get access to her savings account. He’s listed as payable-on-death, and he knows it. That doesn’t give him access to it while she’s alive, though. But he keeps pestering us to try to get information or access to funds.

I think he’s spoken to every employee here trying to get a different answer. We keep telling him any request to add him to the account has to come from her, perhaps as a letter. Or he can get power of attorney, which the hospice folks can help them get.

He called this morning and I repeated the same information. I expected that to be the end of it for a while, but no. He brought her in to our branch in a wheelchair this afternoon. I was shocked.

And so sad. She looked so frail. She was drooling a thick, yellowish fluid (sorry if that’s TMI - I just want to reiterate that she’s obviously very sick). She didn’t remember my name. She said this wasn’t her bank. He tried to pass that off as her being confused because they bank elsewhere, too, but I could tell she wasn’t completely lucid.

I tried to talk with her about what her husband was wanting to do, and she kept shaking her head no, including when her husband asked if she wanted him on her savings account. He got huffy, blamed her for wasting my time, and wheeled her away. I feel so sorry for her.

It takes a special kind of a-hole to wheel his dying wife into the bank to try to get access to her money. Just wait until she dies. Then it’s all yours.

[Pixilated]

Is there a senior abuse hotline you can call? This is awful.

[Ghel]

Yes. We have a hotline to report elder abuse here in Minnesota, and after today’s visit, I called them.

The husband came to visit me this morning. He was, once again, prying for information. Some way to get her money. I tried to direct him to the hospice folks or an attorney, but of course he doesn’t want to spend money on an attorney. He wants her money now. I said if she’s able to tell me what she wants to do or write it down, I could work with that.

He offered to bring her in. I said I don’t want to put her through that. He said she’s right outside in the car. 🤬 What an asshole, leaving his dying wife outside in the car while he comes into the bank.

He brings her in and I try to talk with her. I figure if she actually says “I want to withdraw all my money and give it to my husband,” I could do it. But she’s obviously confused and having trouble getting whole sentences out. The one thing she said for sure was, “I want to go to my bank.” I tried to tell her this was her bank and I’d worked here for years, but she wasn’t having it.

Her husband tried to prompt her. “You want to take out your money. Just say yes.” Then she said “yes,” but I wasn’t confident she knew what she was saying yes to.

At one point, she made a gesture like writing, so I gave her some paper and a pen. She wrote something down, but the only words I could read were “wood” and “user” which made no sense.

I refused to do anything for them, and so they left. He again blamed her for wasting my time. As they went out the door, he threatened to put her in a home. Which honestly might be better for her, but it’s abusive to threaten her with it.

So I called the elder abuse hotline and told them what I saw. I hope they can do something.

[csquared]

By your description, I would say that she is NOT of sound mind and cannot authorize anything.

[Kristev]

Indeed not. Someone needs to protect her interests, and we know it shouldn't be the husband.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Hmm... I wonder if the husband is worried he might die before his wife and end up not getting any of the money?

[RealUnimportant]

Hmm... I wonder if the husband is worried he might die before his wife and end up not getting any of the money?

By the sounds of it, that is only likely to happen of he gets struck down from above for the way he's treating her. And even so, what use would it be to him then!

[Pixilated]

Good on you, Ghel, for calling the hotline. Hopefully they will DO something.

[csquared]

By the sounds of it, that is only likely to happen of he gets struck down from above for the way he's treating her. And even so, what use would it be to him then!

She may have left all the money to the kids.

[taxguykarl]

By your description, I would say that she is NOT of sound mind and cannot authorize anything.

Very likely as she would be too drug addled from the pain meds--a lethal dose of fentanyl (at least for healthy people) daily, typically.
Also those funds may well be for her health care and medical debts when she does pass (remember we're talking hospice here).....
Hmmm, that begs the question of why he needs the money now and can't wait for the death? The account becomes his almost automatically (after signing almost as much paperwork as a mortgage).

[Dreamstalker]

The only reason I can think of for that is that even though the account says "payable on death", there's some proviso (assuming that the money for her care is coming out of that account) that would allow hospice to recover any outstanding debts first, and whatever's left is what's included in the death payout.

[Ghel]

I got a letter from the county today responding to my report to the adult abuse hotline. They said they’ve reviewed my report and that this matter “will not be assigned for assessment.” I’m disappointed, but I did what I could.

[Ironclad Alibi]

I got a letter from the county today responding to my report to the adult abuse hotline. They said they’ve reviewed my report and that this matter “will not be assigned for assessment.” I’m disappointed, but I did what I could.

At least the complaint is on record in case of future developments.

[Ghel]

With the way bureaucracy works, I doubt much will come of it.

Today this a-hole brought in a power of attorney form. He must have convinced a notary that his wife was of sound enough mind to know what she was signing. It makes me angry.

[Kittykat]

Discuss this with your branch manager, because that form could very well be forged. He could have gotten someone to pretend to be his wife in order to have it signed. Compare her signature on file with the one on the form.