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My own personal Lady Loony

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  • My own personal Lady Loony

    A quick background: I work a call center; I'm an answering service for a couple thousand different businesses in the Maryland/DC/Virginia area. Half of wich are property management companies. So when someone's boiler blows, or the heater is shooting cold air, I get to be the guy who bugs maintenance for you.

    Now, I just recently started working over nights, 10p-6:30a. I fly solo for the latter half of the shift and it's normally pretty quiet after 3 or so. Now then, the guy before me that used to do this would get a call every night from 'Crazy Mary' who is noted on the acct as a person with mental issues and to disregard her phone calls. He was the only operator that she would ever talk to, normally hanging up if some one else answered.

    Well, I guess I picked up the mantle. Here are a couple experpts from tonight. So far, three calls and counting. Not perfectly remembered, slightly paraphrased.

    LL: Lady Loony, ala Crazy Mary
    ME: Everyone puts this, I thought I should too.

    ME: Thank you for calling ABC management, what property are you calling for please?
    LL: Yes, the police and fire department just dragged some one out of building C.
    ME: Oh.. was it one of the tenants?
    LL: No, some bum sleeping in the hallway. That's expensive you know, like 8,000 dollars to call the fire department out here, don'tcha think?
    ME: Well, I don't deal with that directly, but that's a lot, yes.
    LL: It'd just be cheaper to higher a security guard, don'tcha think?
    ME: It probably would ma'am, yes.
    LL: So?
    ME: I'll let ABC know that the police dragged some one out of the apartment.
    LL: No! Not my apartment, the hallway, downstairs!
    Me: Yes, the apartment building.
    LL: No one is in my apartment, I lock the door.
    ME: That's probably for the best. I'll let ABC know what happened.
    LL: And there were two hispanics that don't live here in the laundry room at 5am. I think they were drug dealers. ABC should really do something.
    ME: I'll tell them.
    LL: Ok then. *click*

    This is my first real conversation with the woman, previously I had spoken with her just long enough to put her on hold for our previous overnighter. He said it was a good sign she didn't hang up on me for even that. Sure it was. Anyway, about 15 minutes go by...

    Me: (I see ABC Management show up and prepare for the worst) ABC Mngt, how may I help you?
    LL: There's nobody in my apartment!
    ME: (preparations failed) .. Y-yes, that's good.
    LL: I don't let anyone in my apartment. Except that one time when a neighbor dropped off some food for me, but that was it!
    ME: Is there anything I can help you with?
    LL: We need security in this building. I saw two black people earlier, they looked suspicious to me. It cost 8,000 dollars for the fire department to come out and remove them!
    ME: I don't really think-
    LL: It'd be so much cheaper to get an overnight security guard, don'tcha think?
    ME: (sigh) It probably would.
    LL: I don't let anyone into my apartment.
    ME: So I've been told.
    LL: Ok then. *click*

    And thus another 10 or so minutes passby with less inanity. ABC comes up again, I ignore it for a while, preferring to handle some other messages that haven't been dispatched yet. By the time I'm done, she's still waiting. How could I dissapoint?

    ME: ABC, HMIHY?
    LL: Hi, it's me. There's no one in my apartment.
    ME: ...
    LL: If anything happens, ABC would be liable for millions you know!
    ME: If anything happens?
    LL: The other day, the guy upstairs had a machete, and threatened the security guard! (note during this conversation I heard her TV on in the background running a commercial for butcher knives)
    ME: And was he arrested?
    LL: A police report was made. Didn't ABC know?
    ME: I'm sure they do if the security guard filed a report.
    LL: If anyone gets hurt, ABC is reliable, could cost them millions!
    ME: I'll be sure to warn them.
    LL: I lock MY apartment.
    ME: That's a good idea, should keep you safe.
    LL: I'M NOT SAFE! That guy had a machete! He could hurt me, and I'd sue ABC for millions!
    ME: I'll be sure to ask for a night security guard to save us all the hassle.
    LL: Thank you! *click*

    DO NOT ENRAGE THE MIGHTY SKY DRAGON.
    -GK

  • #2
    I think we need recordings. Time to set up a recording device so all of us here at good ol' CS can hear 'Crazy Mary.'
    Age and wisdom don't necessarily go together. Some people just become stupid with more authority.

    "Who put the goat in there? The yellow goat I ate."

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    • #3
      Two things; one, the image of Bugs Bunny holding up a "Monotonous, ain't it?" sign just flashed into my head, and I now I feel like listening to Pearl Jam...
      "IT stands away, interrupting himself from the incessant hammering of the kittens…"

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      • #4
        If you turn off the lights, and stand in front of a mirror, and say "crazy mary" 5 times. She will come, and chocolate pudding will come out of your nose and she will show you her tin foil hat.
        My Karma ran over your dogma.

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        • #5
          Reminds me of a patient on an episode of house. They had an illness where they could not remember events completely so they involuntarily would fill in the details using elements of their surroundings. The key part to the event, in this case a serious injury the patient had suffered, remained intact but the details of how it happened kept changing.

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