Memo to Customers: Please Stop Tempting Me So.

[chops]

SC: Debit cards?

-snip-

Me: (interrupts her to prevent escalation) Yes, I know what debit cards are! I just have NO IDEA what you're asking me! Tell me--what do you need to know.
SC: Why didn't you say that before?! Do you accept debit cards?

"Why didn't you say that before?!" Grrr. That just sounds like "Well, excuse me, normal! You should've said you weren't a telepath to begin with!"

I always get customers just spouting off their account numbers at me. No "hello," no "I would like to make a withdrawal," just "456789." Yes, thank you, I'm having a very nice day.

You wouldn't like working at the credit union I do business with in Virginia. (I liked them so much, I kept my accounts when I moved.) At the branch, it's normal for people to rattle off their member number, followed by what they want to do. In fact, it's easier than filling out a deposit ticket from your share draft/checking account...they don't even keep them, they attach them to your receipt and give them back to you. Then again, they're weird like that.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

SC: Fart Machines.

"Here I am! BBBRRRRRRRIIIIPPPPPP!"

I'm a guy so I find that kind of thing life-threateningly funny. I think it's mandated by the Constitution.

LH: The Original, Self Inflating, Electric, or the Model 2?
(Whopie cushion you blow up, the Self Inflating puffs up on its' own, Electric has a wire less remote, and the Model 2 is "Now louder than ever!")

My store has only the self-inflating one and a battery-operated one that does not come close to sounding real.

I could also offer this quality amusement

[BookstoreEscapee]

The other day i had a customer say to me "I have a funny striped shirt."

I looked at him and said "I have a pen".

Maybe I'm just tired but this just cracked me up...

I listened to one of his books on tape. It was so boring I fell asleep and crashed my Lexus into an olive tree.

/that joke kills
//at public radio pledge-drive time

That's great! I tried to read The World is Flat and I didn't get very far.

[Becks]

Just curious though, would americans actually get that? Does the average US citizen even know what cricket is?

I got the joke, and I know what cricket is.

Yay me. Do I get a cookie?

[B&NGoddess]

(I love the people who HOVER NEARBY...not saying a word, waiting for you to notice them. WTF?)

i like to see how long it takes them to say something if i ignore them. the record is about 3 minutes. that may not seem like much, but have you ever tried ignoring someone that was not only in your personal space, but staring at you as if you had a hand growing out of your forehead?

some of my favorite word association games:

man: 555-5555
me: huh?
man: phone number.
me: and what would you like me to do with that?
man: 10% discount!
me: thats the phone number your membership is under?
man: YES!
me:

man: (whispering) g-spot?
me:

[monolayth]

the phone goddess Maybe I'm just tired but this just cracked me up...

Why not I was laughing about it for 3 hours at work.

[slick]

I have customers do that to me all the time, just walk in the door and say "Rooms?".

I got tired of it once and played this game of word association with some moron that walked in. "Rooms?", to which I replied "Cars?". He was confused as hell, I just stood there, thinking he might just say "Do you have any rooms for the night?". Instead, like the moron he was, he says "Rooms?" in a more louder tone than before. I then just asked "Are you looking for a room?". He replied "Well what the hell did you think I was saying?". I replied "I don't know, usually the word is put in question form". He thought about for a second, realized I was making fun of him, called me a "stupid terrorist" and left.

I know, I know, I didn't need to provoke him, but still, is it hard to ask in a proper manner whether or not we have rooms available?

[princess4life]

Well coming up with just one word of what they want is better then nothing. At my holiday job I get people that walk up and make hand signals and the only word coming out of there mouth is "umm" no this is a lotion/ bath store every container is about the same so making hande signals doesn't help at all.

The best one was phrased in a full question but it was " I am looking for a lotion that is a light color and smells like an old lady." Now that really norrows it down considering most lotions are like beige or white, and what I think smells like an old lady other people might not think so.

[JesseCuster40]

First post. Woo! Hi folks.

I always enjoy this, and a cruel streak in me makes me force them to enunciate clearly. I especially like doing this to young kids. I feel I am furthering their education by improving their communication skills.

"French fries!" one gentleman barked at me.

I was tempted to bark "Ketchup!" back at him, feeling he was playing some sort of word association came.

Since I moved to the electronics department of Wal-mart, I often get something along the lines of "Cables?"

Oh......cables. Yes. We have those. We have all sorts of cables. It's a Willy Wonka-esque wonderland of cables. And they live in many secret places.

[cinema guy]

called me a "stupid terrorist" and left.

Wow, since when is 'terrorist' considered an insult? Personally, I'd be very careful not to insult a terrorist, since he might shoot me, blow me up or post anthrax to my house.

[Geek King]

I got the joke, and I know what cricket is.

Yay me. Do I get a cookie?

I've played Cricket. In Ohio. In November.

Can I get a cookie too?