SCs guide to a retail parking lot

[Dark Psion]

42 If as you pull into the parking lot you see a EXIT sign, get EXITed!

43 If you hit those metal posts in front of the Telephone pole, it is obviously the stores fault for putting them there.

44 When parking near a door that open out, get as close as possible to the door.

45 If you see a forklift unloading a semi-truck, pull right up behind the truck to get a better look.

46 Just because all the cars are in lines doesn't mean you have to drive up and down the lines. Just cut back and forth between them till you find a parking space.

[Namrepus221]

I've acctually seen some guys at walmart get "revenge" on someone who decided to take up multiple parking spaces with their car.

Instead of corralling all the stores carts. they took all of them and put 4 lines of carts arround the car.

When the guy came in to complain the manager, who acctually helped do this said "Oh we just wanted to ensure that your paint didn't get scratched while you were shopping. Now that you're done it's your problem getting it out without getting it scratched"

[AKWalMartCartGuy]

on black friday a customer put carts against someones doors because they pushed carts out of the way with their bumper


and namrepus, I should totally do that one slow nigh, if we ever replace the 2 cart guys that just quit

[donruss]

47. Remember the entrance and exit signs are only a guide. Feel free to enter through the exit and exit through the entrance.

48. Traffic behind you loves it when you wait 20 minutes for that parking spot closest to the store when there is an empty space 2 spots down from it.

49. Remember, the road is yours and only yours, your tax dollars did pay for it after all. The rest of us love it when you pick your lane out the center of the road.

50. Always swing out wide to the left when you are making a right turn.

[Saydrah]

51. The parking lot is a great place to get customer service- feel free to idle your car until an employee walks by, then wave them over to ask questions.

52. If shopping at a pet store, you get bonus points for leaving your dog in the car in hot weather DESPITE the 'leashed and vaccinated pets welcome' sign.

53. Even more bonus points if an employee notices Fluffy panting like crazy in your car and says something to you, and you respond with, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE SPYING ON WHICH CAR IS MINE AND TELLING ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY PROPERTY!"

54. Double the bonus points if the cops are called because the dog appears to be entering early stages of heatstroke while you debate which cute sweater to get her. Of course, when this happens, the appropriate response is to stomp your feet and scream at the cops and any nearby employees about your privacy and your property.

55. It's always a good idea to leave your lights on and your car running while you run in, and get offended if an employee mentions that there have been a lot of car thefts in the area lately so you might want to take your keys in with you. After all, they are at the register, they could EASILY just watch the car for you- it's simple not to take your eyes off one car parked several rows away while ringing up other customers!

56. Dogs in the backs of pickups should stay there while you shop- it's such fun to watch them bark at small children and other dogs while totally unrestrained and able to jump out and bite should they feel like it.

57. When stopping at a crosswalk, make sure to smile and wave if you're waiting for a regular old pedestrian- but if an employee DARES cross in front of you, let the car roll slowly forward as they walk and then ZOOM off right behind them- that'll teach THEM that the customer is always right!

58. Everyone knows 'Handicapped' is French or something for 'In A Hurry.' There's an H in both.

59. If you drive a tiny car and plan to buy an enormous item, first make sure to park as far away as possible and request carryout. Then become extremely upset when an employee is unable to SHRINK a nine foot tall cat tree for your convenience.

60. The best way of shopping is to pull up to the curb and let small children out with money. Small children run into the store, you park, probably in the handicapped space. Children acquire needed items and get up to the register, where they spend several moments browsing the candy- this is your cue to honk loudly, multiple times, so that everyone but your children presumes you have gone insane and are beeping for the median in front of your car to get out of the way!

[drunkenwildmage]

61) Please, in the process of stealing a handicap spot from a little old lady who has been patiently waiting for the current car to pull out, run over a family of 5, and 2 shopping carts. Then get out and promptly run into the store like you are in a 100 yard dash.

62) Please park over the curb cut that is needed for scooters or wheelchairs.

63) It's ok to park in the stripped area, next to a handicap stop. They don't need the extra room for anything.

64) Honk your horn repeately, at the van/bus in the loading zone that is in the process of either dropping off, or picking up someone in a wheelchair, because it's blocking your way.

[Pagan]

65. Remember, there's absolutely no need to look behind you when you back out of your parking space, you're the only one in the parking lot.

66. When you're walking in, please feel free to walk in the middle of the aisle. After all, you're the pedestrian, you have rights, by Goddess!

67. Parents, there's no need to hold your little darlings hands in the parking lot. Drivers are psychic, we know exactly when
Junior's going to decide to dart out in front of us.

68. Don't forget rule 33.

[Ttam]

69. Everyone knows that the giant, yellow arrows painted on the ground are only there to look pretty. Ignore them.

70. If you see someone driving the same direction as the arrows approaching a parking space, that's your cue to come whipping around the corner in the opposite direction and take it before them.

71. If they even get close to your car, make sure to cuss them up a blue streak. After all, it's their fault for stopping, signaling, and checking to make sure there are no carts/children in the space, and then having the sheer audacity to try to take it when you clearly were way more entitled to it.

72. Bonus points if there was another space two or three cars down. That's way the hell too far to walk.

73. If you can't find a space, make sure to drive the opposite direction of the arrows on the ground anyway. It makes things so much better for everyone.

74. While driving the opposite direction as everyone else, make sure to gesture wildly that they should get out of your way while you drive right down the middle of the aisle. They should totally cram their cars right up against the parked ones so you have room. Remember to huff and glower if you have to turn your wheel at all. We all know how hard that is. After all, that's hard to do.

[BookstoreEscapee]

1.the stop signs are just for decoration, there's no need to stop

There is a shopping center near me that used to have "It's not a race" stenciled underneath the word STOP. I don't know if they did it themselves or if some "graffitti artist" did it. It wasn't on all the signs so I'm thinking it might have been someone else. Though they seem to have all been replaced by now.

17a. Bonus points if you leave the cart three or more store lengths away.

17b. Triple points if you leave your cart at a store that isn't even within eyesight of where you got it from.

17c. More bonus points if you bring a cart from another store halfway down the strip into the bookstore that doesn't even have carts and isn't designed to accomodate carts in the aisles. Then leave the cart in the middle of the bookstore's parking lot.

54. Double the bonus points if the cops are called because the dog appears to be entering early stages of heatstroke while you debate which cute sweater to get her. Of course, when this happens, the appropriate response is to stomp your feet and scream at the cops and any nearby employees about your privacy and your property.

Cuz it'll look so great when you bury her in the backyard tomorrow.

[powerboy]

75) Feel free to drive 2 mph. The line of cars behind you does not mind.
76) Feel free to park in the spot that is just for Police. Hell, they are on an emergency.
77) If you are in an over sized monster truck, and the small car infront of you is driving over the train tracks slowly. Then feel free to honk and rev your engine to try to get them to speed up. Who cares if they ruin their car, you are more important.

77)a. Bonus points, when you both have crossed the tracks. And you go around and go slower molasses.

[Forensic Waitress]

67. Parents, there's no need to hold your little darlings hands in the parking lot. Drivers are psychic, we know exactly when Junior's going to decide to dart out in front of us.

This happened to me once I was parked next to a pole and needed to reverse out and this stupid women just let her 3 year old walk out right behind my car and I almost ran over them because they came out from behind the pole and were short so I could not see them when I looked back. Luckily because I was being careful the kid got past and I didn't hit them but the look the mother gave me read that it was my fault she can't look after her kid.

[Becks]

If you forget rule #33, you'll be forced to use a skateboard as transportation.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

78. Feel free to park in the "preferred parking for senior citizen customers" spot if you are 25 and able-bodied. Elmer doesn't mind. He needs the exercise!

79. After honking your horn repeatedly at the handi-care van dropping off or picking up somebody in a wheelchair, scream at the driver assisting the person in the wheelchair. It is absolutely unacceptable for them to do this to You, The Customer, and besides handicapped people belong at the very edge of the parking lot so nobody has to see them anyway.

80. Feel free to park in the fire lane because the store is not on fire.

81. Honk, flash your lights, and cuss at the buses when they pick up or drop off passengers. They're taking up a space you could be parking your car in.

82. Everybody knows the parking lot is an ideal spot for you to hang out and shoot the shit with your friends. Feel free to toss your fast food wrappers and cups right on the ground--the store pays people to pick those up.

83. It's also a nice place to stage your version of the X Games. Shoppers like a good skateboard stunt just as much as the next guy. Feel free to use parked cars as jump ramps.

84. Feel free to cut around the lawn and garden compound. Especially when there's a semi truck in the aisle being unloaded. Drive up on the grass if need be.

85. If you forget rule 33, forget the skateboard. You'll be sentenced to use Heelies as transportation. Forever. They'll be glued to your feet. And the wheels will be permanently set in the down position. And it will be perfectly okay for passers-by to trip you as you go rolling past.