Tweet
I work several days a week in the copy department at a major Office Supply retailer. We also have the ability to print things that people bring in off Jump Drives, Floppies, or CD's etc. The other night, I was working and I had about three people at once all walk up and need stuff printed. Now, realize, there's only one computer, and it's not exactly the fastest thing on earth, and you've got to go through the whole "no, that's not the one, open the next file" deal with the customers. So, by the time I'm half way through helping customer number one, there's now four people in line, my customer, and three behind her. Everyone's waiting patiently, happily realizing that it won't take that long. Until......
Number 5 shows up.
You know the type. Buzz cut, clean shaven except for a failing attempt at a goatee...ugly ass pink button up shirt, the ones with the white collars on them....tie that doesn't match the shirt, green pants....shoes with a shine on them that would blind a 747 jet from the ground. You all know what I'm referring to here. He walks up, bypasses the other FOUR PEOPLE in line, including the one I'm helping, tosses a jump drive on the desk in front of me and says "I need some stuff printed..." I smiled, handed him back his jump drive and said "That's fine, there's a line of four people ahead of you for that same thing". He grunted....literally...GRUNTED....and went to the back of the line.
It was a couple minutes, people chatting quietly in line, and this douchebag decides he's got to take a leak or something, because the way he was dancing around, I'd think that was the case. Sure enough, here it came. "Hey...how long is this gonna take?" My response was simple. "As long as it takes to print out the stuff that the people in front of you request" He huffed....and puffed...and danced some more. Couple minutes go by, I'm helping number TWO in line now...who waited patiently. From the back of the line I hear "This is taking too long!". "I"m sorry sir," I replied "but I'll get it as soon as I can. There's one of me, one computer, and four of you." The guy in front of him chuckled..... Douchebag looks up and says, doing the best "I'm a flaming douche" hands-on-hips, head doing the chicken-pecking thing" he could....'well maybe we need to get your manager back here, and maybe THEY'LL make you work a little faster." Now...he pissed me off. I had my smart-ass, probably get fired if someone heard it, comment ready to go...cocked and loaded..but before I could get TO it....the guy in front of him in line...did it for me!
Says number three (originally number four ) to number four (originally number five). "Hey, shit head.....why don't you clam up. Lemme get this straight..it's december....there's people that need christmas stuff printed, and god knows what else...and you come in here in a hurry?? There's people here that were ahead of you, the guy's doing his job, and I got a pretty good feeling the only thing you're going to accomplish demanding that a manager come back here is the manager's going to, one, tell you that all you did was hold up the line, and two, point out that there's one man, one computer, no way for him or her to speed up anything, and kindly tell you to shut the f*ck up...now how about you quit dancing like a freak behind me...because if you don't....I'm liable to take it the wrong way, and right now, the wrong way, is giving me a little chub....and I like to be on top. Eh?"
I almost fell out of my chair laughing. The two people in front of them did that slow "under their breath snicker" and tried to keep a straight face. The pink shirted guy turned around, turned a lovely shade of red to match his shirt....and headed for the door. Now, the guy who told him off...I know him well....and I know his wife and kids too.....and that makes it even funnier.
Sometimes, you get denied the opportunity to use your best lines on customers who really deserve it, but in it's place, you get someone else doing it for you.....and it's worth every moment....because it rarely happens...
Number 5 shows up.
You know the type. Buzz cut, clean shaven except for a failing attempt at a goatee...ugly ass pink button up shirt, the ones with the white collars on them....tie that doesn't match the shirt, green pants....shoes with a shine on them that would blind a 747 jet from the ground. You all know what I'm referring to here. He walks up, bypasses the other FOUR PEOPLE in line, including the one I'm helping, tosses a jump drive on the desk in front of me and says "I need some stuff printed..." I smiled, handed him back his jump drive and said "That's fine, there's a line of four people ahead of you for that same thing". He grunted....literally...GRUNTED....and went to the back of the line.
It was a couple minutes, people chatting quietly in line, and this douchebag decides he's got to take a leak or something, because the way he was dancing around, I'd think that was the case. Sure enough, here it came. "Hey...how long is this gonna take?" My response was simple. "As long as it takes to print out the stuff that the people in front of you request" He huffed....and puffed...and danced some more. Couple minutes go by, I'm helping number TWO in line now...who waited patiently. From the back of the line I hear "This is taking too long!". "I"m sorry sir," I replied "but I'll get it as soon as I can. There's one of me, one computer, and four of you." The guy in front of him chuckled..... Douchebag looks up and says, doing the best "I'm a flaming douche" hands-on-hips, head doing the chicken-pecking thing" he could....'well maybe we need to get your manager back here, and maybe THEY'LL make you work a little faster." Now...he pissed me off. I had my smart-ass, probably get fired if someone heard it, comment ready to go...cocked and loaded..but before I could get TO it....the guy in front of him in line...did it for me!
Says number three (originally number four ) to number four (originally number five). "Hey, shit head.....why don't you clam up. Lemme get this straight..it's december....there's people that need christmas stuff printed, and god knows what else...and you come in here in a hurry?? There's people here that were ahead of you, the guy's doing his job, and I got a pretty good feeling the only thing you're going to accomplish demanding that a manager come back here is the manager's going to, one, tell you that all you did was hold up the line, and two, point out that there's one man, one computer, no way for him or her to speed up anything, and kindly tell you to shut the f*ck up...now how about you quit dancing like a freak behind me...because if you don't....I'm liable to take it the wrong way, and right now, the wrong way, is giving me a little chub....and I like to be on top. Eh?"
I almost fell out of my chair laughing. The two people in front of them did that slow "under their breath snicker" and tried to keep a straight face. The pink shirted guy turned around, turned a lovely shade of red to match his shirt....and headed for the door. Now, the guy who told him off...I know him well....and I know his wife and kids too.....and that makes it even funnier.
Sometimes, you get denied the opportunity to use your best lines on customers who really deserve it, but in it's place, you get someone else doing it for you.....and it's worth every moment....because it rarely happens...
To be a fly on the wall and see that. 
Comment