SCs: A Personal History (long)

[Inker]

Hi there! It's my first real (non-orientation hi how are ya) post. Don't eat me.

Just a few gems from my previous (and current) employment. I've held quite a few jobs over the years, almost all CS oriented, and have picked up some real SCs.

Just Plane Stupid
Me: Secretary at upscale charter airline.
SC: um, yeah.

Me: Good morning, *airline*, how may I direct your call?
SC: Yeah, I need to go to Dallas.
Me: Ok, sir, do you have an account with us?
SC: Account? no, I just...wanna go to Dallas. I need a ticket.
Me: Sir, we're a charter airline, we don't sell tickets, we rent private planes.
SC: Whaddya mean you don't sell tickets, you an AIRLINE, right?
Me: Yes, but we're a CHARTER airline, sir. We rent planes.
SC: Well, those planes got SEATS, right?
Me:...yes....but...
SC: Well, I just wanna "rent" (I could almost picture the air quotes) a SEAT.
Me: Sir, I don't think you understand...
SC: How much would it cost to go to Dallas? I just wanna go to Dallas, f***, I could drive there in 2 hours....
Me: (fed up) Sir, a charter to Dallas for one passenger comes to $XXXXX.XX.
SC:....well F***! (hangs up)


You know, the guy....with....the thing
Me: Happy bookseller
SC: Ignorance

Me: Can I help you find something?
SC: um, yeah....looking for a book.
Me: Ok, do you know the author?
SC: Yeah, um....It's a guy....the cover is red.
Me: (as with all booksellers, have had this type of conversation no less than 30 times a shift) Ok....The DaVinci Code?
SC: YES! That one!
Me: Sorry, ma'am, we've been sold out all morning. We should receive...
SC: What? How are you sold out?
Me:...We sold the last copy this morning, I'm sorry, we should be....
SC: Well does the *chain bookstore downtown* have it?
Me: I don't know ma'am, I can give you the number if...
SC: Can't you just look it up?
Me: Um, our systems aren't connected, I can call them for you if....
SC: What? How are you not connected, aren't all *chain stores* connected?
Me: Ma'am, we're an independent bookstore, we aren't affiliated with *chain store*
SC: But you just said you'd call them!
Me: Well yes, because I was being nice.
SC: WHATEVER, I'll just go to your other store....
Me: There is no other store ma'am, we're INDEPENDENT...this is the ONLY store...
SC: (storming away) Stupid bookstore doesn't carry books!
Me:


Jesus and Boobies
Me: Happy theatre box office peon
SC: don't get me started

Me: Hello, *theater*, how may I help you?
SC: Yes, I'd like tickets for Passion please. (note: Passion is a Stephen Sondheim musical)
Me: Ok, how many?
SC: 2 adults and 3 children.
Me: Ma'am, I have to warn you that this show contains adult themes and may be inappropriate for children.
SC: Oh, it's ok, I want them to get the message.
Me:..um...
SC: ....about Jesus.
Me: (not again...) Um...ma'am, this show doesn't have anything to do with the movie, "The Passion", and it contains nudity.
SC: NUDITY!
Me: Ma'am I tried to tell you...
SC: How dare you promote a nudie show under the premise of the Saviour!?
Me: Ma'am, I did no such thing.
SC: Promoting a show about boobies (yes she said "boobies") under the name of "The Passion" so that any unsuspecting Christian would be pulled into it....I demand to talk to someone!
Me: Ma'am, the chow is clearly advertised as "Stephen Sondheim's Passion", not as "The Passion of the Christ", and none of our ads show...
SC: I will be talking to my church about this! *hangs up*
Me: *sigh*


Photoshop is not a verb
(Ok, so this isn't exactly a SC story, more like a sucky boss)
Me: Happy, underpaid Graphic Designer
SB: Certifiably crazy boss

SB: Hey, Inker, can you photoshop this? (hands me a horrid photo print out)
Me: Um, ok, what do you want me to do to it?
SB: Photoshop it.
Me: ... I mean, do you want me to fix the colors, the resolution, change the size? i can do a lot in Photoshop.
SB: Oh, you know, just Photoshop it.
Me: *facepalm* ok, but what specifically?
SB: I thought you knew how to use Photoshop?
Me: I....do.
SB: Ok, so photoshop this.
Me: ...ok....what is it for?
SB: My son's college application for graphic design school
Me:

----------------------

The end. Thanks for reading such a novel!

[Shangri-laschild]

It's amazing how much people don't like to think.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Here, if he comes back, give him this. It's a college ap I "photoshopped". Took me less than 30 seconds.

Tell him he's welcome.

[edicius]

I will admit that I use 'Photoshop' as a verb far too often, but it's usually with people who wouldn't understand what a clone stamp is. When I talk shop with people who know the program, then I get a bit more in depth.

[Shabo]

SC: How much would it cost to go to Dallas? I just wanna go to Dallas, f***, I could drive there in 2 hours....

So why would he fly? It costs more and takes more time what with going through security and claiming baggage...

The DaVinci Code?

"Sorry, but you must at least know the book's title in order to purchase it. You = epic fail."

I didn't care for the book. The 1.5 page chapters with a cliffhanger at the end of every single chapter drove me nuts. Give me some substance! (I'm also not really a fan of murder mysteries...)

SC: I will be talking to my church about this! *hangs up*
Me: *sigh*

Egads! Not the Magisterium! Oh wait, that's only in The Golden Compass...

SB: Oh, you know, just Photoshop it.
Me: *facepalm* ok, but what specifically?
SB: I thought you knew how to use Photoshop?
Me: I....do.
SB: Ok, so photoshop this.
Me: ...ok....what is it for?
SB: My son's college application for graphic design school
Me:

So throw it into Photoshop, save it with the PS file extension, and bam. It's Photoshopped! I would love to have seen your boss's face when their son didn't get accepted into gd school.

[Boozy]

I always send pics to my best friend, who's a photographer and also a whiz with Photoshop. And all I ask her to do is "Photoshop" them.

She thankfully understands this to mean "Take Boozy's pathetic amateur photograph and make it look like someone other than a drunken chimp took it."

[Flood]

Amongst my friends, asking to Photoshop a picture without any further qualifiers means "To add a picture of JFK as seamlessly as possible."

[gunsage]

Yeah, me and my buds often use photoshop as a synonym for modded, edited, or otherwise spoofed of something. I think honestly that the reason we use this as a verb so often is we often see photoshop contests like those on Something Awful and Fark and don't really think about it. Personally, I haven't dabbled in Photoshop very much. I've looked it over, but I'll be damn'd if I know what to do with it. Now Flash on the other hand...I've fallen out of practice, but I enjoy making movies with it.

[crazylegs]

If you asked me to photoshop a picture, I'd take out the sensor dust, correct the woknky horizon, boost the colour/brightness sort 'levels' and generally make it nice and spiffy.

Take it to some of my friends and tell them the same lack of information and you end up with pop art.

The verb 'to photoshop' should be used with caution my friends.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

If you want to see how that word could be interpreted, check out www.worth1000.com and look at the Photoshop contests.