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I would place this under unsupportable, but these don't actually deal with technical issues, just entitled asshats who now have a new way to rant at us. I suppose I should be thankful since we don't actually have to talk to them.
So we recently started allowing the public to open "support tickets" (and I use quotes because this is after all the general public) from our company website. Both myself and and one of our other techs both explained several times that this would be a bad idea, but the guys upstairs went through with it anyway. It hasn't been all bad. Most of the requests have been simple inquiries that we would get via e-mail. Below are some of the ones that take the cake.
Hey
Problem: Hey...
This is exactly why we said this would be a bad idea. We get about three to five similar "tickets" in a day. I can't wait till some spammer figures out the form can be automated. This is again something we have been warning the higher ups about but no one really listens to us until what we told them will break actually breaks...
I close these out of hand but one of these days I'm going to reply "Hey back..."
That is Just Wrong
Problem: "Why doesn't the internet browser work on my phone?"
Response: "(Company) does not currently offer internet service. Our current plan is to have this service available by the end of the first quarter in 2008."
Customer Reply: "I don't understand why I have a phone that has an internet feature but you have no service for it. Do the phones that have cameras on them not work also? The internet service on the phone is the main reason I bought the phone. I think that thats just wrong."
Now we do not tout internet service at all on any of our phones for the exact reason that we do no currently support it so how she thought this one is beyond me. And how does internet not working equal a camera not working? Do cameras no require a service provider and no one told me??
Now we resell for one of the big 3 carriers in the US this was our last response the customer has yet to reply...
"The reason your (Parent Company) phone came with the internet feature is because (Parent Company) offers Data Services.
(Our Company) will be offering Data Services relatively shortly, and phones that are sold under the (Our Company) brand will be able to take advantage of the internet feature.
To further answer your questions, the phones that have cameras are fully capable of taking pictures.
Once (Our Company) offers Data Services, our customers will also be able to send the pictures to any other camera phone or email address.
Finally, I am sorry you feel misled about your purchase of the phone and (Our Company) service.
To that end, and to prevent further misunderstandings, could you please tell me where you purchased your phone?
I will be happy to contact that seller and make sure they know not to advertise the internet features before we can offer them."
Customer Service?!?!?!eleventy!!
This is the full text of the request as we recieved it sans identifying information.
"Contact Name: Asshat; Problem: I order 300 minutes on the telephone (pay phone) to add minutes to my cell phone 555-555-5555. Clerk gave me order #xxxxxx for any problems when I call back.....I have not received my 300 minutes on cell phone.....what gives......CUSTOMER SERVICE????????????????????/"
The proverbial icing on the cake is not 5 minutes after this ticket there was a second one from the same guy.
"Contact Name: Asshat; Problem: I ordered at a pay phone 300 minutes , my order/ref. number given by the clerk is xxxxxx on (date).... my converswation with this individual included my statement that I order the same amount from (Online Retailer) and did not get my 300 minutes.......... I just got my cell phone updated and it says I have $xx.xx credit and the hours available are 4 hours, 50 minutes........ I have been charged $xx.xx(twice the first amount) on my checking account for two orders (?) at $xx.xx each ????? it doesnt total 600 minutes??WHY?????"
Our response:
"As we have made several attempts to contact you by phone and have not yet succeeded, I am now trying to get hold of you through email.
Credit Card order #xxxxxx was placed on hold because it failed Address Verification (a basic check designed to help guard against most fraudulent purchases.) Normally, we attempt to contact you, the customer, and make sure we had submitted the correct address. In this case, we were not able contact you, regarding your support request or the credit card order. To get the problem corrected with Credit Card order #xxxxxx, simply call into Customer Service at (800) 555-5555 and make sure we have the correct address.
(Online Retailer) is an independently owned and operated dealer of (Our Company) goods and services (as well as many other products.)
(Our Company) did not charge you for $xx.xx, or for $xx.xx(twice first amount). These charges may have been from (Online Retailer).
(We) attempted to charge you for $xx.xx and were unable to because of the failed Address Verification.
Any problems you are experiencing with (Online Retailer) will have to be addressed with a representative of (said retailer).
You can contact them by dialing (888) 555-5555.
Finally, your balance of $xx.xx is the direct result of someone loading PIN #xxxxxxxxxxx (a $xx value, $xx MSRP) onto your phone number, (555)555-5555."
We are eagerly waiting for Asshat's reply
So we recently started allowing the public to open "support tickets" (and I use quotes because this is after all the general public) from our company website. Both myself and and one of our other techs both explained several times that this would be a bad idea, but the guys upstairs went through with it anyway. It hasn't been all bad. Most of the requests have been simple inquiries that we would get via e-mail. Below are some of the ones that take the cake.
Hey
Problem: Hey...
This is exactly why we said this would be a bad idea. We get about three to five similar "tickets" in a day. I can't wait till some spammer figures out the form can be automated. This is again something we have been warning the higher ups about but no one really listens to us until what we told them will break actually breaks...
I close these out of hand but one of these days I'm going to reply "Hey back..."
That is Just Wrong
Problem: "Why doesn't the internet browser work on my phone?"
Response: "(Company) does not currently offer internet service. Our current plan is to have this service available by the end of the first quarter in 2008."
Customer Reply: "I don't understand why I have a phone that has an internet feature but you have no service for it. Do the phones that have cameras on them not work also? The internet service on the phone is the main reason I bought the phone. I think that thats just wrong."
Now we do not tout internet service at all on any of our phones for the exact reason that we do no currently support it so how she thought this one is beyond me. And how does internet not working equal a camera not working? Do cameras no require a service provider and no one told me??
Now we resell for one of the big 3 carriers in the US this was our last response the customer has yet to reply...
"The reason your (Parent Company) phone came with the internet feature is because (Parent Company) offers Data Services.
(Our Company) will be offering Data Services relatively shortly, and phones that are sold under the (Our Company) brand will be able to take advantage of the internet feature.
To further answer your questions, the phones that have cameras are fully capable of taking pictures.
Once (Our Company) offers Data Services, our customers will also be able to send the pictures to any other camera phone or email address.
Finally, I am sorry you feel misled about your purchase of the phone and (Our Company) service.
To that end, and to prevent further misunderstandings, could you please tell me where you purchased your phone?
I will be happy to contact that seller and make sure they know not to advertise the internet features before we can offer them."
Customer Service?!?!?!eleventy!!
This is the full text of the request as we recieved it sans identifying information.
"Contact Name: Asshat; Problem: I order 300 minutes on the telephone (pay phone) to add minutes to my cell phone 555-555-5555. Clerk gave me order #xxxxxx for any problems when I call back.....I have not received my 300 minutes on cell phone.....what gives......CUSTOMER SERVICE????????????????????/"
The proverbial icing on the cake is not 5 minutes after this ticket there was a second one from the same guy.
"Contact Name: Asshat; Problem: I ordered at a pay phone 300 minutes , my order/ref. number given by the clerk is xxxxxx on (date).... my converswation with this individual included my statement that I order the same amount from (Online Retailer) and did not get my 300 minutes.......... I just got my cell phone updated and it says I have $xx.xx credit and the hours available are 4 hours, 50 minutes........ I have been charged $xx.xx(twice the first amount) on my checking account for two orders (?) at $xx.xx each ????? it doesnt total 600 minutes??WHY?????"
Our response:
"As we have made several attempts to contact you by phone and have not yet succeeded, I am now trying to get hold of you through email.
Credit Card order #xxxxxx was placed on hold because it failed Address Verification (a basic check designed to help guard against most fraudulent purchases.) Normally, we attempt to contact you, the customer, and make sure we had submitted the correct address. In this case, we were not able contact you, regarding your support request or the credit card order. To get the problem corrected with Credit Card order #xxxxxx, simply call into Customer Service at (800) 555-5555 and make sure we have the correct address.
(Online Retailer) is an independently owned and operated dealer of (Our Company) goods and services (as well as many other products.)
(Our Company) did not charge you for $xx.xx, or for $xx.xx(twice first amount). These charges may have been from (Online Retailer).
(We) attempted to charge you for $xx.xx and were unable to because of the failed Address Verification.
Any problems you are experiencing with (Online Retailer) will have to be addressed with a representative of (said retailer).
You can contact them by dialing (888) 555-5555.
Finally, your balance of $xx.xx is the direct result of someone loading PIN #xxxxxxxxxxx (a $xx value, $xx MSRP) onto your phone number, (555)555-5555."
We are eagerly waiting for Asshat's reply
We allow our customers to open tickets online, as well, and we get several each day for mail order brides, online scams, and more. Which are then passed around the office for all to laugh at. We also get multiple tickets each day with incredibly incomplete information but ranked a high priority, so we have to waste a ton of time trying to get ahold of a customer who is peeved that their "emergency" took three days to be handled, when they were the ones who didn't include necessary information and couldn't be bothered to just call us.
and we give a 72 hour turn around time listed at the website.
Nothing more than the quoted text that we sent him. I wonder if this the e-mail equivalent of speechlessness.... speechless rage.... or maybe he just forgot how to type.
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