Live Theatre SCs

[Inker]

I truly believe that patrons of live theatre are their own breed of SC.

Aside from the "Stephen Sondheim's Passion" vs: "The Passion of the Christ" debacle in my previous post, here are some other gems from my years as a theatre-wench:

Don't you work here? Yes, but I'm naked.
Me: wearing my Actor hat at the time
W: flawless castmate
SC: you guessed it

Background: We have two theatres, a large one, and a small "black box" (which is exactly what it sounds like, a large room with seats, used for smaller plays, one acts, etc.) At the time, W and I were performing a night of one-acts, meaning we had to use the two intermissions to change into the characters for the next play. Now, granted, our black box is not exactly arranged well. One has to actually enter the theatre space to use the restroom. There are offices you can cut through as well, but seeing as though this theatre also lacked dressing rooms, we were using the offices as such. Unfortunately the doors don't lock, so we had placed a lovely sign up that read "Staff Only. Restrooms are located inside the theatre. Thank you."

W and I are fairly comfortable with one another, and usually just changed in front of eachother. So we were about 1/3rd of the way through intermission #2 when, you guessed it, in through the door comes SC.

SC proceeds to open door and start walking through the office. W and I freeze mid-pant legs. SC has left door WIDE OPEN.

W: um, excuse me? can I help you?
SC: No, I ust need to use the restroom.
Me: ma'am....this is not the restroom.
SC: Oh, I know, but there's a line through the theatre, I figured the staff bathroom was back here.
W: No, those bathrooms are the only bathrooms.
SC: Well that's ridiculous, I need to use the restroom.

(keeping in mind that both W and I are still in our underwear, with the door open to the lobby)

Me: ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, this is the dressing room, and we need...
SC: Well I need to use the restroom and I know you have one back here.
Me: There is no bathroom back here, and we really need to prepare for the show, so if...
SC: You work here?
Me: (....confused as she has just watched two plays starring both of us...) um, yes, but ma'am...
SC: Well you are certainly being very rude to a paying customer. I know you have staff bathrooms back here (she begins walking to the door on the other side of the office, which leads to the exact same bathrooms that you get to through the theatre).

Enter B, usher supreme, who has finally noticed that the actors' bums are visible to the ENTIRE lobby.

B: ma'am, can I help you?
SC: These ushers are being very rude and not allowing me to use the restroom.
B:....ma'am, these are the actors, and I'm afraid...
SC: well, they still WORK here don't they?
W: (who is getting pissed) yes, but at the moment, we're naked. Now please leave so we can change and start the next show on time.
SC: Well....I....rude....*mumbles*....(huffs and storms out)

Needless to say the next show did not start on time, nor was the SC in the audience.


Horton Hears a Complaint

We would occasionally get letters of complaint from patrons about our "riskier" play choices. Usually Vagina Monologues, or something involving nudity. This one, however, was particularly priceless.:

"The shows you do, especially the most recent one, are far too avant garde for our small town. Whatever happened to good old Agatha Christie mysteries? These modern shows are just filthy and too questionable for my sensibilities"

The show in question? Seussical the Musical.


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Anybody else have any live theatre horror stories?

[auntiem]

You guys are nicer than any actor I've ever met. All the ones I know would have given this SC a scathing verbal beat down then shoved her out the door.

[Inker]

You guys are nicer than any actor I've ever met. All the ones I know would have given this SC a scathing verbal beat down then shoved her out the door.

Being that we were basically unpaid, and also worked box office and ushering, we couldn't really afford to really get at patrons like that.

We did start blocking the door with a chair, though.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I have horror stories, but none of them involve patrons. They all involve idiot staff, irritating actors/dancers, egotistical and stupid directors, and malfunctioning equipment.

I guess the patrons couldn't get through the thick blanket of internal chaos to get to us directly.

[Ttam]

Oh, man... Yeah, I used to act back in High School.... Loved it so much. Did get some crazy stuff happening, though.

We were in this theatre that used to be a milk distribution center... not really best for acting. There was no backstage, only one exit on either side of the stage (packed full of scenery and props since there was only like 4' of curtained area to keep stuff), an entrance house right, a door way at the back of the house, and a balcony that exited off stage right, plus a house exit clear at the back. The dressing rooms were directly behind the theater in the middle of the hallway. Now, I had this scene change that ended up being insane. At the end of one scene I'd be up on the balcony over the stage. As soon as I exited the balcony stage right, I'd have to go down a flight of stairs, through an art gallery all the way towards where the house exit at the back of the theater was, around the corner, down a hallway, around a corner, down another hallway past the dressing room, around another corner, then enter house right. In the very next scene and in a different costume/beard. Needless to say, I hardly made it half the time. I would have to dash down the stairs at a breakneck pace, fly down the hallways (while tearing off a fake beard and removing costume pieces), meet a helpful Techie at the door of the dressing room to slip on a new overcoat, slap on a new, pre-glued beard, then nearly kill myself getting to the entrance in time. All in smooth-soled shoes.

One of these times, I happened to run into (almost literally) some guy who had slipped out to go to the restroom. Despite my obvious rush, he tried to ask me where the bathrooms were. Now, since I had hardly enough time to make it even without distractions, all I could do was say "I dunno!" while I ran past. (I did know, of course, I just couldn't stop to explain it.) Just before I rounded the corner, I heard the guy call me a jerk. :\

Someone ended up complaining about my mad dashes too, going to the management of the theater, who went to my director, who came to me and said that they were complaining about how dangerous it was to be running around like that..... *Sigh*

[auntiem]

Unpaid or not she made you "break character" to deal with her so there is no need to be polite or even ingage her in a discussion. She was being rude and disrepectful to even talk to you regardless of whether she saw you usher previously or not.
On the subject of odd "dressing rooms" and mad dashes. At the Fringe Festival many of the venues aren't proper theatres so I've seen shows where people had to change in classrooms, kitchens, fire escapes, closets not to mention race several flights of stairs or outside and down an alley.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

I have a lot of live theatre stories. My favorites are the ones where the patrons complain about our "color-blind casting." We had an Asian Alice in Wonderland, so Grandma complained that we "ruined [her] grandaughter's whole image of what Alice is supposed to be." Well, call me a Waaaaahmbulance!

[napoleana]

I have a lot of live theatre stories. My favorites are the ones where the patrons complain about our "color-blind casting." We had an Asian Alice in Wonderland, so Grandma complained that we "ruined [her] grandaughter's whole image of what Alice is supposed to be." Well, call me a Waaaaahmbulance!

I bet the little girl didn't even notice.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

In a show I had nothing to do with (but enthusiatically attended as it's my favorite musical) a bunch of reviewers wrote horrible reviews for an EXCELLENT production of Big River because they had a hard time with the fact that the "en word" gets tossed around a lot in that show.

Dumbasses, it's Big River. Y'know, Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn.

I should point out that all these reviewers were white. The black cast members on whose behalf they were outraged were fine with it, all being smart enough to know what show they were signing on with.

[Ttam]

In a show I had nothing to do with (but enthusiatically attended as it's my favorite musical) a bunch of reviewers wrote horrible reviews for an EXCELLENT production of Big River because they had a hard time with the fact that the "en word" gets tossed around a lot in that show.

Dumbasses, it's Big River. Y'know, Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn.

I should point out that all these reviewers were white. The black cast members on whose behalf they were outraged were fine with it, all being smart enough to know what show they were signing on with.

Man... That's just bad. I mean, seriously. A) It was written a long time ago and is still a classic, so it's obviously not a fault with the writer (and the actors are only reading the lines...) and B) That's just ignorant. It's like going to The Producers and getting upset about the swasticas and references to Hitler or going to The Fantasticks and getting upset about the word "rape". It's all about context... come on.

[myswtghst]

I had a similar experience in theatre in high school, when we basically just used the hallway behind the theatre as our changing area. During a run of Bells Are Ringing (a really silly musical) we had to go, in full formal gear, from the stage to singing the chorus in the wings, then around the whole outside of the theatre to backstage to change and return to state in entirely different costumes moments later. This, of course, meant we were running and stripping, and occasionally got "caught" by patrons who'd skipped out to the bathrooms. Thanks to my time in theatre, however, I have almost no modesty and always thought it was rather funny.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Man... That's just bad. I mean, seriously. A) It was written a long time ago and is still a classic, so it's obviously not a fault with the writer (and the actors are only reading the lines...) and B) That's just ignorant. It's like going to The Producers and getting upset about the swasticas and references to Hitler or going to The Fantasticks and getting upset about the word "rape". It's all about context... come on.

Exactly. I imagine their heads would have exploded if the theater had actually DONE The Producers.

Mark Twain knew the en word was not so nice. That's why he used it. It was to illustrate a point...that slavery and the dehumanization of humans by humans is a bad, bad thing. That was the point of the play. Which these pinheads completely missed.

[Ttam]

I had a similar experience in theatre in high school, when we basically just used the hallway behind the theatre as our changing area. During a run of Bells Are Ringing (a really silly musical) we had to go, in full formal gear, from the stage to singing the chorus in the wings, then around the whole outside of the theatre to backstage to change and return to state in entirely different costumes moments later. This, of course, meant we were running and stripping, and occasionally got "caught" by patrons who'd skipped out to the bathrooms. Thanks to my time in theatre, however, I have almost no modesty and always thought it was rather funny.

I know just what you mean. When it comes to being an actor, you can't have any shame/modesty. There were so many times when I'd be in the changing room (/office/hall...) and some member of the audience would just wander in... then either stand and stare or even strike up a conversation! Um, hello? Kinda naked here? Besides, not supposed to be back here anyway?

Exactly. I imagine their heads would have exploded if the theater had actually DONE The Producers.

Mark Twain knew the en word was not so nice. That's why he used it. It was to illustrate a point...that slavery and the dehumanization of humans by humans is a bad, bad thing. That was the point of the play. Which these pinheads completely missed.

Yeah. Meant to point that out too. I mean, that's part of the reason it's such a classic. Because it's teaching such a vital lesson that's relevant even in today's society. The fact they'd take issue to that is just... gah!

[Antisocial_Worker]

I've told this story before, but I was attending a performance of Night of January 16, and one of the actresses was portraying a shy detective who had a hard time meeting anyone's eyes and who constantly talked in a quiet voice.

An old man in the front row shouted at her as she delivered here lines that he couldn't hear. So, she looked directly at him, cupped her hands, and yelled the lines at him. The audience thought it was hilarious, and because the cast had given a wonderfully comedic twist to what can be a dry, cynical, and rather self-righteous Ayn Rand play, that was a good thing.

[Inker]

In a show I had nothing to do with (but enthusiatically attended as it's my favorite musical) a bunch of reviewers wrote horrible reviews for an EXCELLENT production of Big River because they had a hard time with the fact that the "en word" gets tossed around a lot in that show.

Dumbasses, it's Big River. Y'know, Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn.

I should point out that all these reviewers were white. The black cast members on whose behalf they were outraged were fine with it, all being smart enough to know what show they were signing on with.

We've had so many complaints about content over the years. From reviewers and patrons. Including:

"A barracade full of dead children is completely inappropriate." (Les Miserables: The High School Edition
"Scrooge was a tad too grumpy for the Christmas season" A Christmas Carol
"The blatant racism towards the main black character is inexcusable" To Kill a Mockingbird

And my ALL time favourite, with a little back story. The play version of The Cider House Rules is a six hour long show that includes the following: abortions (shown onstage), groping, violence, racism, mentions of beastiality, dying kids, drug use, and 1 (ONE) 10 second long lesbian kiss. The ONLY complaint we received for the entire run was: "How dare you promote homosexuality on stage!"